SPSS. Yuck. Presumably anyone who pursued a degree in the Social Sciences has at once point, encountered this program. Hypothesize. Input data. Achieve or don't achieve an answer with a certain level of mathematical faith that the answer is correct. Can you achieve a critical p-value in online dating?
Blind Population: no subscription, no photos, no exceptions. Sad face from an attraction perspective, but is forcing me to judge the book before the cover.
Consistent Questions: I haven't altered my original Cosmo quiz questions, must-haves-and-can't-stands, or my open ended questions.
"Guided" Random Selection: Officially eHarmony is orchestrating selection, based on my lack of stability, excess of energy, and midrange affection, but as far as I'm concerned..it's all random.
eHarmony places a high level of mathematical "faith" in dating. They hypothesize a match based on 39 (50? 1 million?) "areas of compatibility." They test the hypothesis by introducing the couple. Variables such as values, attitudes towards work, and (gasp) open-ended questions are introduced as each level is qualified as containing a significant enough p-value to continue on.
RomComs lead us to believe love is found in intangibles like fate, chance meetings and tall/dark/tousled-curls/handsome strangers. But does U+Me really = Us (Calculus)?
xo,
$ingle Lady #1
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
$ingle Lady #3: Are you there James, it’s me…….
I do not believe I am a bum, but I am too lazy to be single. Indeed, single ladies one and two are even more diligent about their blog posts than this gal over here. I have not made it past guided communication with any of my free matches. It’s true; the lengthy list of must-haves that I must choose from is just too much for me. Likewise, my dating profile consists of six words. E-harmony requires essays. Essays? No way, I wrote my thesis and vowed never to write like that again – I certainly won’t do it for the sake of internet communication. To be frank, I am surprised these men want to communicate in any sort of guided way with “yoga, running, art, books, dogs, and languages” (that sounds like the sections of a book store, not a person). Indeed, I am even skeptical about the “normal” men who express an interest because via my lazy dating profile I look not only to be a boring sixty year old retiree (creepy fetishes anyone?), but like a walking cliché.
Thus, I arrived at my epiphany as I drove home this evening. I would like to date James Bond. Unrealistic, yes, but I think I’m holding out – I’m certainly saying screw your essays e-harmony. To back track, I love James, more specifically Roger Moore, but I’m an equal opportunity fanatic. My friends have not seen me on a holiday in at least seven years as a result of the infamous holiday Bondathon on spike TV. How did I get here, you ask? My question to myself involved the age old cliché that girls go for bad boys. Is this true? No way #3, I said to myself, your dream guy wears suspenders…………..and drives you on his motorcycle to Crate & Barrel – uh oh, I’m in trouble. My fantasy man wears a tux while he wrestles sharks and I’m pretty sure that does not exist, which does not bode well for the realistic possibility of encountering the motorcycle driving, suspender wearing Crate & Barrel lover I envision myself with. My question is, do you settle for the nice guy? Obviously, e-harmony is not for me, which limits my current love matches to something I can count on one hand…..or not count at all. Sad, I know, but unfortunately my current social interaction with the opposite sex is limited largely to women, as my professional specialty is a part of the female anatomy that most men only enjoy in their leisure. Pickings are slim for single lady numero tres, which puts the nice guy you would have once tossed to the wind in a new light. My new question is: should we reverse the cliché? Do guys find themselves attracted to bad girls? I do not wrestle sharks, nor do I drive a motorcycle – I am, in fact, deathly afraid of heights and bugs (I trap them under Margarita glasses and let them die a slow, agonizing death rather than pick them up and kill them – two crickets are currently slowly suffocating on my living room floor) – but I would not chalk myself up to the good girls. I have indulged in a few too many late night sessions of flashdancing with sidewalk chalk on my face semi-blacked out…… a few too many questionable “gatherings” with friends in the basements of fraternity lodges……to believe that I am of the class that you, Mr. I Always Floss My Teeth Even if I Won’t Remember It the Next Morning, can say you are honestly attracted to. I guess that means it’s all or nothing James B. – we are soul mates, and I can’t say that deep down I didn’t know it all along. In the spirit of being open-minded, however, I will currently settle for anyone willing to watch the next holiday Bondathon with me, especially if we can do it in a fort we built in my living room out of couch cushions.
Thus, I arrived at my epiphany as I drove home this evening. I would like to date James Bond. Unrealistic, yes, but I think I’m holding out – I’m certainly saying screw your essays e-harmony. To back track, I love James, more specifically Roger Moore, but I’m an equal opportunity fanatic. My friends have not seen me on a holiday in at least seven years as a result of the infamous holiday Bondathon on spike TV. How did I get here, you ask? My question to myself involved the age old cliché that girls go for bad boys. Is this true? No way #3, I said to myself, your dream guy wears suspenders…………..and drives you on his motorcycle to Crate & Barrel – uh oh, I’m in trouble. My fantasy man wears a tux while he wrestles sharks and I’m pretty sure that does not exist, which does not bode well for the realistic possibility of encountering the motorcycle driving, suspender wearing Crate & Barrel lover I envision myself with. My question is, do you settle for the nice guy? Obviously, e-harmony is not for me, which limits my current love matches to something I can count on one hand…..or not count at all. Sad, I know, but unfortunately my current social interaction with the opposite sex is limited largely to women, as my professional specialty is a part of the female anatomy that most men only enjoy in their leisure. Pickings are slim for single lady numero tres, which puts the nice guy you would have once tossed to the wind in a new light. My new question is: should we reverse the cliché? Do guys find themselves attracted to bad girls? I do not wrestle sharks, nor do I drive a motorcycle – I am, in fact, deathly afraid of heights and bugs (I trap them under Margarita glasses and let them die a slow, agonizing death rather than pick them up and kill them – two crickets are currently slowly suffocating on my living room floor) – but I would not chalk myself up to the good girls. I have indulged in a few too many late night sessions of flashdancing with sidewalk chalk on my face semi-blacked out…… a few too many questionable “gatherings” with friends in the basements of fraternity lodges……to believe that I am of the class that you, Mr. I Always Floss My Teeth Even if I Won’t Remember It the Next Morning, can say you are honestly attracted to. I guess that means it’s all or nothing James B. – we are soul mates, and I can’t say that deep down I didn’t know it all along. In the spirit of being open-minded, however, I will currently settle for anyone willing to watch the next holiday Bondathon with me, especially if we can do it in a fort we built in my living room out of couch cushions.
$ingle lady #2: Fantasy vs. reality - the eternal struggle
This morning I awoke to the smell of beef stew (roomie J got a crock pot for Christmas) as well as my now expected 10 new eHarmony matches. My list of men now waiting to hear from me has reached 21 (one named Lenwood??), but I'm focusing on the good ones for now. I've reached open communication with Jay as well as M2, and he impressed me by simply quoting Christmas Vacation instead of simply answering my "What is your favorite Christmas movie?" question. Also it says his occupation is the "Washington Nationals" and I've always had a goal of dating an MLB player (although Tiger Woods is making me rethink this dream). However I was reminded that Jay could be anything from a star shortstop to the bat boy to the guy who presses "play" for the at-bat music (the middle of the Nat's lineup has some GREAT tunes, namely 'In the air tonight' by Phil Collins).
But more on the title of this entry. For the past few months I was presented with this struggle each Sunday (and Thursday and Monday): do I root for Ricky Williams since he is my #2 fantasy football running back, or against him since he is playing the Jets? Now that the fantasy season is over (and I took home my disappointing second place cash prize), I am still pondering the issue when it comes to dating. In only 3 days I've created a fantasy/cyber dating life for myself. But what about the boys I am also pursuing in real life? Which player do I root for? Someone who I've actually met and know that I like, or a mysterious 25 year old who said something clever in his "About me" and is looking for the girl of his dreams?
<3
SLnumero2
$ingle Lady #1: Why did you join eHarmony?
There are lies in every great relationship, right? Honey, you don't look fat in those pants. I LOVE your mother, don't be silly. This dress was only $50, I promise! But when do the lies go from white to grey?
I've reached Stage 3 of GC with 4 guys now. At this stage, we ask each other open-ended questions, that are answered in paragraph form. Finally, a chance to see some part of their personality (and vice versa) above and beyond "what's your ideal getaway: Paris, Hawaii, or skiing in the mountains?" Time is ticking on this free membership, and I'm still on the fence about forking over some hard-earned Christmas checks for a social experiment. We'll see how Bill, Neal, Wesley and Dustin (the current winners in this race against time) fare against my interrogation.
Bill sent me his open ended questions first, and started with an interesting note - why am I a Buffalo Bills fan? (It's all over my profile), as he went to UB and is also a fan. Serious points for Bill. Side note: I actually "closed communication" (oh the horror!) with a Miami Dolphins fan. Honestly? Why did he even bother... but back to Bill. However, his last question was a prompted one - why did you join eHarmony? Herein lies my moral conundrum. The true answer, I was bored, and so I can blog about it, doesn't seem that appropriate. Because I want to find true love and get married and live happily ever after is a lie way further towards the "black" lie than the white on the great continuum. Still considering how to handle that one...
Neal is looking more and more like a creeper. In his must-haves-and-can't-stands (the list of "values" shared in Stage 2 of GC), he says he can't stand "being distant." Sounds harmless, until you read the description, "partner unwilling to have sex several times a week." He also only wants attractive women to communicate with. On the one hand, I'm flattered, since I'm making an assumption that he's a subscriber, so he can see my photo (as a freeharmonizer, I don't have access to his). On the other hand, who really puts that as a can't stand. Again. Creeper.
Welsey is the eager beaver. He "fast tracked" us to open communication after the first day (first Cosmo quiz exchange). Sadly, until I subscribe, I can't read his email. I hope it doesn't say "I'm also just in it for the free weekend, so if you want to be dazzled by me, respond before Tuesday."
Dustin hasn't sent me responses to mine, so I haven't seen his open endedness. Still TBD on this one.
Online dating provides a perfect forum for stretching the truth. How tall you are, how funny you are, how much you enjoy long walks on the beach - can all be fabricated. Hey, even how attractive you are is up for grabs (did no one else Google image a hot, and more importantly older, person when you got the "a/s/l/pic" request in a middle school chat room?). The question remains, how far, is too far?
xo,
$ingle Lady #1
I've reached Stage 3 of GC with 4 guys now. At this stage, we ask each other open-ended questions, that are answered in paragraph form. Finally, a chance to see some part of their personality (and vice versa) above and beyond "what's your ideal getaway: Paris, Hawaii, or skiing in the mountains?" Time is ticking on this free membership, and I'm still on the fence about forking over some hard-earned Christmas checks for a social experiment. We'll see how Bill, Neal, Wesley and Dustin (the current winners in this race against time) fare against my interrogation.
Bill sent me his open ended questions first, and started with an interesting note - why am I a Buffalo Bills fan? (It's all over my profile), as he went to UB and is also a fan. Serious points for Bill. Side note: I actually "closed communication" (oh the horror!) with a Miami Dolphins fan. Honestly? Why did he even bother... but back to Bill. However, his last question was a prompted one - why did you join eHarmony? Herein lies my moral conundrum. The true answer, I was bored, and so I can blog about it, doesn't seem that appropriate. Because I want to find true love and get married and live happily ever after is a lie way further towards the "black" lie than the white on the great continuum. Still considering how to handle that one...
Neal is looking more and more like a creeper. In his must-haves-and-can't-stands (the list of "values" shared in Stage 2 of GC), he says he can't stand "being distant." Sounds harmless, until you read the description, "partner unwilling to have sex several times a week." He also only wants attractive women to communicate with. On the one hand, I'm flattered, since I'm making an assumption that he's a subscriber, so he can see my photo (as a freeharmonizer, I don't have access to his). On the other hand, who really puts that as a can't stand. Again. Creeper.
Welsey is the eager beaver. He "fast tracked" us to open communication after the first day (first Cosmo quiz exchange). Sadly, until I subscribe, I can't read his email. I hope it doesn't say "I'm also just in it for the free weekend, so if you want to be dazzled by me, respond before Tuesday."
Dustin hasn't sent me responses to mine, so I haven't seen his open endedness. Still TBD on this one.
Online dating provides a perfect forum for stretching the truth. How tall you are, how funny you are, how much you enjoy long walks on the beach - can all be fabricated. Hey, even how attractive you are is up for grabs (did no one else Google image a hot, and more importantly older, person when you got the "a/s/l/pic" request in a middle school chat room?). The question remains, how far, is too far?
xo,
$ingle Lady #1
Monday, January 4, 2010
FreeHarmony: Cheating the system
After a productive Sunday spent on the couch with my first HD tv, I felt officially a member of the 21st century (10 years late and 3 days late). In the back of my mind, however, a countdown was raging: 6 hours left of the free communication weekend, 4 hours left... Would I pay for the full membership? How far could Michael #2 and I progress in our communcation stages before time expired?? We were at Step 3, only one step away from glorious "open communication" where I could only assume, all bets were off.
Finally my roomie J and I decided to venture out into the cold to church around 7:30pm, since we had forgotten what fresh air felt like. When mass was over I checked my Blackberry: 10 new emails. "Ten emails during church??" J exclaimed. eHarmony does have a way of making you feel popular. Anyway, one of the emails was about Michael #2 - he had completed Step 3! And again his answers to my open-ended questions were hilarious, solidifying my decision that Michael #2 was far superior to Michael #1 (Also, every one of my matches has had a vanilla name, often Biblical. I suppose that is for searching for White Christian men. Single Lady #1 informed me that her names were more unique since she "opened it up" to Jewish men as well, so as not to limit her NYC options).
Anyway, Michael #2 informed me that Elf was his favorite Christmas movie, which I found acceptable. If he had said Home Alone I would have made our first open communication a marriage proposal, as anyone that knows me knows my obessession with little Kevin and Uncle Frank. At this point it was 10:50pm, so I crafted my first open message: "Please respond within the next 2 hours and 10 minutes, after which free communication weekend will end and I'll disappear forever." He responded within exaclty 4 minutes with his email address. BOOYA, eHarmony. Michael #2 and I don't need you any more!
But now what do I say? Something sassy? I almost forgot that I hate when the ball is in my court. Plus, since I didn't pony up the cash for the membership, I didn't get to see a picture. But he saw mine - totally unfair. Now he knows that I'm not a completely heinous whale, but I have no idea if Michael #2 is Brad Pitt, Joel McHale (if only!!), Pauly D, or some brand of troll I'm not even familiar with. Fortunatley, as many of my friends know, I find about 80% of guys I see attractive, so those are pretty good odds.
Kisses!
Single Lady #2
Finally my roomie J and I decided to venture out into the cold to church around 7:30pm, since we had forgotten what fresh air felt like. When mass was over I checked my Blackberry: 10 new emails. "Ten emails during church??" J exclaimed. eHarmony does have a way of making you feel popular. Anyway, one of the emails was about Michael #2 - he had completed Step 3! And again his answers to my open-ended questions were hilarious, solidifying my decision that Michael #2 was far superior to Michael #1 (Also, every one of my matches has had a vanilla name, often Biblical. I suppose that is for searching for White Christian men. Single Lady #1 informed me that her names were more unique since she "opened it up" to Jewish men as well, so as not to limit her NYC options).
Anyway, Michael #2 informed me that Elf was his favorite Christmas movie, which I found acceptable. If he had said Home Alone I would have made our first open communication a marriage proposal, as anyone that knows me knows my obessession with little Kevin and Uncle Frank. At this point it was 10:50pm, so I crafted my first open message: "Please respond within the next 2 hours and 10 minutes, after which free communication weekend will end and I'll disappear forever." He responded within exaclty 4 minutes with his email address. BOOYA, eHarmony. Michael #2 and I don't need you any more!
But now what do I say? Something sassy? I almost forgot that I hate when the ball is in my court. Plus, since I didn't pony up the cash for the membership, I didn't get to see a picture. But he saw mine - totally unfair. Now he knows that I'm not a completely heinous whale, but I have no idea if Michael #2 is Brad Pitt, Joel McHale (if only!!), Pauly D, or some brand of troll I'm not even familiar with. Fortunatley, as many of my friends know, I find about 80% of guys I see attractive, so those are pretty good odds.
Kisses!
Single Lady #2
$ingle Lady #1: Reasons for dismisal, part deux
I am officially an internet dating slut. $ingle Ladies 2&3 are judicious about their Guided Communication. They pore over profiles looking both for common personality threads and interests, and also for hints of "i'm a murder/rapist." This one isn't funny enough. This one still lives at home. This one has a name that brings back horrific Wal-Mart-experience memories. They evaluate these profiles the way we evaluate potential mates in the real world.
I, on the other hand, am Guided Communicating with the wild abandon of the token Sheltered Childhood girl on the Real World. I'm currently in a various communication stage with 17 men (strumpet!). I'm sending my Cosmo quiz to almost everyone, with the exception so far of only 1 guy, Alex, 23, from Staten Island, United States. Normally I'd make a joke here about not dating people from SI, but ever since my new life goal of being a cast member on Jersey Shore has emerged, I'm reconsidering. However, he lists himself at 5'9", which is really 5'6" when you apply the internet-profile-inflation factor, and what he's looking for in a partner is "awesomeness, someone that makes me go wow." How articulate. I left him in limbo for a day until I discovered that in fact, Alex had dismissed me! On Facebook, if you decline someone's offer of friendship, it just melts passive-aggressively into oblivion with no one the wiser. On eHarmony, you not only get notified in an aggressive large orange box on your "home" page, that your potential match has been closed, you get an email, and the match has the option to TELL you why he closed communication forever. Ouch. In fairness, there is also a rebuttal period, where I could send a message back to him, since eHarmony "believes it's important to give both sides of a match the opportunity to send a message during the close process." This offer, I declined.
Free Communication "weekend" has been extended until tomorrow. More to come...
xo,
$ingle Lady #1
I, on the other hand, am Guided Communicating with the wild abandon of the token Sheltered Childhood girl on the Real World. I'm currently in a various communication stage with 17 men (strumpet!). I'm sending my Cosmo quiz to almost everyone, with the exception so far of only 1 guy, Alex, 23, from Staten Island, United States. Normally I'd make a joke here about not dating people from SI, but ever since my new life goal of being a cast member on Jersey Shore has emerged, I'm reconsidering. However, he lists himself at 5'9", which is really 5'6" when you apply the internet-profile-inflation factor, and what he's looking for in a partner is "awesomeness, someone that makes me go wow." How articulate. I left him in limbo for a day until I discovered that in fact, Alex had dismissed me! On Facebook, if you decline someone's offer of friendship, it just melts passive-aggressively into oblivion with no one the wiser. On eHarmony, you not only get notified in an aggressive large orange box on your "home" page, that your potential match has been closed, you get an email, and the match has the option to TELL you why he closed communication forever. Ouch. In fairness, there is also a rebuttal period, where I could send a message back to him, since eHarmony "believes it's important to give both sides of a match the opportunity to send a message during the close process." This offer, I declined.
Free Communication "weekend" has been extended until tomorrow. More to come...
xo,
$ingle Lady #1
Hm, pretty sure $ingle Lady #3 sounds like a raging bitch. Oh well
Real men read real books.
In the spirit of change I have pledged to date a man in the year 2010, fortunately I have all of twelve months to make this happen. Mind you, I did not spend the past four years dating a woman, far from it I assure you, but as my friend K and I have spent numerous hours discussing as of late….not all men are MEN. Indeed, K maintains that her definition of a man is someone who lets you wear the pants outside of the bedroom but takes care of business when the door is shut. She is concise – I am not – and my definition, on the other hand, is a work in progress. The experiences of the past weekend, a little free communication on my new e-harmony account…..a little shopping, have given me a few solid examples of what real men are not:
1.A man will never, ever, EVER say that his favorite book is the Da Vinci Code. I have read the Da Vinci Code, I also saw the movie, but given the countless possibilities of literary splendor out there, I question your choice, and thus I question your originality and your personality. Communication Status: Closed. Reason: Other. 2.Real Men do not say things like “Life’s a garden. Dig it!” Enough said. 3.You, as a member of the male species, do not belong in Victoria’s Secret. Your presence, as you hold your wife’s panties and purse, makes me uncomfortable – more so, because you are eyeing my pile of lacy intimates. You are the reason they place benches oh so conveniently outside the entrance to the store. 4.A name says a lot. Lloyd? Oleg? Junathun? I cannot even bring myself to view your dating profiles. 5.I am assuming that if you are looking to seriously date a woman you are a grown-up. Men drink coffee, not Mountain Dew, I’m sorry….are you 10? 6.You are most passionate about government and institutional corruption…..scary. 7.You are under the age of thirty and taking salsa lessons? Alone? I endorse the pursuit of any myriad of hobbies, but salsa dancing does not make this girl’s lava bubble.
Perhaps I am being close-minded (or harsh) as I rejoin the rat race, but if an atrocious breakup teaches you anything it teaches you you’re better off alone than with someone who isn’t what you want. So, my man, if you exist, it is my belief that not only do you own suspenders, but you look very good when you wear them. Likewise, you drink coffee and wine, as well as the obligatory beer and bourbon. You can love football, hockey, WWF….I don’t really care, as long as your culinary knowledge extends beyond that of the frozen pizza. Like I said, a work in progress, but who could fail to see that some definite progress was made this weekend……
In the spirit of change I have pledged to date a man in the year 2010, fortunately I have all of twelve months to make this happen. Mind you, I did not spend the past four years dating a woman, far from it I assure you, but as my friend K and I have spent numerous hours discussing as of late….not all men are MEN. Indeed, K maintains that her definition of a man is someone who lets you wear the pants outside of the bedroom but takes care of business when the door is shut. She is concise – I am not – and my definition, on the other hand, is a work in progress. The experiences of the past weekend, a little free communication on my new e-harmony account…..a little shopping, have given me a few solid examples of what real men are not:
1.A man will never, ever, EVER say that his favorite book is the Da Vinci Code. I have read the Da Vinci Code, I also saw the movie, but given the countless possibilities of literary splendor out there, I question your choice, and thus I question your originality and your personality. Communication Status: Closed. Reason: Other. 2.Real Men do not say things like “Life’s a garden. Dig it!” Enough said. 3.You, as a member of the male species, do not belong in Victoria’s Secret. Your presence, as you hold your wife’s panties and purse, makes me uncomfortable – more so, because you are eyeing my pile of lacy intimates. You are the reason they place benches oh so conveniently outside the entrance to the store. 4.A name says a lot. Lloyd? Oleg? Junathun? I cannot even bring myself to view your dating profiles. 5.I am assuming that if you are looking to seriously date a woman you are a grown-up. Men drink coffee, not Mountain Dew, I’m sorry….are you 10? 6.You are most passionate about government and institutional corruption…..scary. 7.You are under the age of thirty and taking salsa lessons? Alone? I endorse the pursuit of any myriad of hobbies, but salsa dancing does not make this girl’s lava bubble.
Perhaps I am being close-minded (or harsh) as I rejoin the rat race, but if an atrocious breakup teaches you anything it teaches you you’re better off alone than with someone who isn’t what you want. So, my man, if you exist, it is my belief that not only do you own suspenders, but you look very good when you wear them. Likewise, you drink coffee and wine, as well as the obligatory beer and bourbon. You can love football, hockey, WWF….I don’t really care, as long as your culinary knowledge extends beyond that of the frozen pizza. Like I said, a work in progress, but who could fail to see that some definite progress was made this weekend……
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)