$ingle Lady #4 - All things must come to an end...

No, I am not quitting the blog.

The eHarmz membership expired this past week and I was fairly happy about it. Taking the wise advice from $L 2's cancellation experience, I made sure to do it the day before it expired (per my outlook calendar reminder, again thank you for the advice $L 1). I was messaging with John, 26, Lawyer, however the conversating was not stimulating enough and we had exchanged one message back and forth. Not urgent enough to throw a desperate, "my membership is expiring, here is my email address, etc., please contact me." I'm happy that I no longer feel like I have to tend to my matches and maintain communication. Too much effort for lackluster matches.

So alas, I made it out of the 3 months with 1 date under my belt. Not the outcome I was hoping for, but what this has come to show us all is that the Boston internet dating pool is limited. So I shall return to my weekend activities of day drinking and attending fun events and playing organized sports that I have not dared to play in years and years. But I am hoping by getting myself involved in these fun summer plans to hopefully meet someone! You never know.

I did meet a very nice Canadian boy this weekend, which only further confirmed my love for the country to our north. I have spent substantial time in Canada over the last year for work and I have come to conclude that it is a fantastic country. The food is better there, the beers are bigger, they have fashionable eyeglasses, and apparently the guys are much nicer too. I somehow found myself hanging out with a 30 man Aussie rules football team on Saturday night and we were clearly outnumbered with the 8 girls I was with. I got to talking to Zack who was very cute and we had excellent conversation, not the boring kind or the kind that is just sweet talking you to try to get you to take him home. It haven't had a meaningful conversation like that with an American male in a very long time. He seemed very genuine and it gives me (slight) hope that not every boy is going to break your heart or disappoint you. But alas, he lives in Canada so my dream match with Zach is not feasible. Aren't they always.

I promise to continue my blogging about my other summer adventures, as I was never off the market.

xox,

$L4

$ingle Lady $nooze

I took a page from the $ingle lady #2 and employed the fun and sassy question of "tell me about a word or phrase that you have made up and tell me the meaning of it."

Kyle had some potential and I have been engaging in the slow process of moving through the stages of communication, as I am trying to make the most of the last few weeks of this mostly disappointing membership. Also trying to up my ROI. Tonight I checked in on my account was excited to read the responses to my, what I thought, very important questions.

However, I was NOT impressed, bored, and frankly angry with Kyle's responses. It seemed like he was irritated that I was even inquiring. I mean answering endless rounds of questions can get annoying on eHarmz, don't get me wrong. But you are PAYING MONEY for this membership. Put some effort into it or else you won't get anything out of it.

I may be reading into things too much, but see below at Kyle's $nooze-worthy answers to my questions:

Tell me about a phrase/saying/word that you have made up and tell me the meaning of it. I really do not have any phrase or saying that I have made up. I don't think that I even have a phrase I am overly fond of using. Sorry about this one, but I just do not have an answer.

Looking back on your life, of what are you most proud? Probably getting my master's degree. I did not understand when I started it how much work I would put into it.

Why did you join eHarmony? Basically, to meet more people than I was in my daily life.

He is a ROBOT. I think I will wait the obligatory 2 days to close this one. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

xox,
$L4

$ingle Lady #4 and the Art of the Text Message

I've come to the realization recently how much effort goes into a text message. You only get 160 characters to express what you are or are not trying to say. You want to make the message concise, not too lengthy, keeping the TMI to a minimum, but also keeping mysterious just enough to ensure a reciprocal text.

Case in point, my friend C (who reads this blog, hi!) whom I made a love connection for some time ago now. Well her and her male friend have continued to stay in touch, however they engage in the ever-so-fun Friday/Saturday night text message routine of "are you going out tonight?" Which everyone knows is code for "what bar are you going to be at so I can conveniently be there when the bar closes in the hopes we may go home together."

Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to have a consistent male companion in my life right now. However, I have learned first hand that this text game is EXHAUSTING. Since the said male companion, we will call him Bill, was a friend of mine from college, she will consult with me on the protocol on the Friday/Saturday night text. Should I send him a text? Should I go out to the bar he is at? What should I say next?

Here is the guide to texting (to lead to potential sexting) according to $L#4:

Rule 1 - As girls, we cannot seem TOO eager to jump in the next cab you hail from the street and show up at the bar he is at. As such, appear aloof in your text message and undecided about plans. That way this keeps him guessing as to if you are going to show up and secure the cab ride/walk home bar close routine.

Rule 2 - We are allowed to initiate the weekend text first, however if the girl consistently initiates the text, then there is something else going on. The male then becomes dependent and just assumes that he can get in your pants whenever he decides to send that SMS your way. Take turns on the initiating and if he continues to initiate after you do, then you've really got yourself a potential male friend in the works.

Rule 3 - Drunk texting happens. Let's just be serious with this one.

Rule 4 - Be spontaneous and invite him to the bar YOU are going to. If he shows up with friends, he gets some points. If he shows up alone, MAJOR points. Unless he has ulterior motives and is on a one-man mission for a booty call. and finally....

Rule 5 - DON'T OVERTHINK. No matter how many times your friends proofread your text for the right 'connotations,' chances are the guy will not read into it too much. He will probably just read it and be like "yes! she is coming to the bar to meet up" or he will read your aloof text and become even more intrigued to know where you are hanging out that night.

$ingle Lady #4 - Final Countdown

One month left and I think I have officially exhausted the Boston dating pool. So like the other $ingle ladiez I will now blog about my opinions on dating and boys.

First though, a recap of the most recent eharmz escapades. Inspired by the other $Ls, I did a full out inventory of my matches and (attempted) to strike up communication with the ones I deemed to be acceptable in order to make the most of the remainder of this experience. Either these matches do not check their account or they have died. I think I maybe have heard back from 3 of them? I got nudged by one today, which COMPLETELY irritated me. Just because I am not religiously checking my account like you are does not mean you need to click that giant orange button to nudge me. I have decided I may make him hang on one more day before he gets closed.

Here are some recent true love matches:

Occupation:specail skills (spelling please.)

The three things which matthew is most thankful for:
- caring
- kindness
- how much time i spend with her (HUH?)

The three things which devin is most thankful for: (note how many he actually lists)
- i guess xbox 360 and medical cannabis
- thats tough i look for some much its hard to say witch one is most importent

The things devin can't live without are: this rediculous world we live in (lord please help me.)

The last book devin read and enjoyed: buddhism for dummys the dahli lamma is always so happy most be some thing to it (i dont even know what to say.)

$ingle lady #4 follows up

As $ingle lady #2 so cleverly pointed out, eHarmz is also now manipulating my quiz results in order to make me end up with the Boston Leo. FML.

$ingle lady #4 - Who is your celeb match?

eHarmz is starting to feel bad for me and is sending me various quizzes to take so I can better align my interests with potential matches. I received one the other day titled, "Who is your Celeb Match?" While this sounded like one of those lame email chain quizzes I used to take in 7th grade, I was atleast curious to see what the result turned out.

Similar to 7th grade and the days of Titanic, I should be still pining after:

Leonardo DiCaprio

You and Leo are both romantic, loyal, socially conscious and very cool!

So recap: update my profile to say that I am loyal, socially conscious, and very cool. And say that I am only interested in romantic, loyal, socially conscious and very cool men.

$ingle Lady #4: Bad Romance = Bad Economics

I have little over a month left on my eHarmz subscription and I don't even want to calculate out the economics of the whole deal. I feel that my experience out of all the $ingle ladiez is perhaps the most disappointing? For the record, I have gone on one date and it was just ehh. Nothing like the other $Ls where they meet someone actually compatible with them and ACTUALLY like them. Granted there were at least 4 drinks consumed on my date, but still I am no where close to earning back my ROI on this deal. I even forgot the other day that I was signed up, until I received yet another too-young-for-me match who is still in college eagerly showering me with icebreakers. No thanks. I did receive another match today who is in my acceptable age range and also lives in Boston, eliminating geographical challenges. But his picture is sneaky, it includes another male in the photo and there are no additional photos, so I cannot tell which one he is. But I am guessing he is the more unattractive of the 2. Figures.

I think I have finally shaken my friend Leo. Not that I was intentionally trying to get rid of him, I just wasn't really interested in going on another date once he started displaying tendencies of desperate girl syndrome, which isn't exactly a turn on. I think he finally got the hint 2 weeks ago, I was on gchat during the day at work but couldn't really chat since I was out at a client. He sent me a message, then another message, then another message. It was as if he was having his own conversation with himself. I found this sort of amusing so I just let him continue talking to himself without responding back. The NEXT day, same thing starts. Sends a message, then another message. Then I got the kicker:

leo: are u there?
leo: annnd i'm getting ignored...
leo: if you don't want to talk to me just tell me you don't have to ignore me

Now let's break this down. We went on ONE date. It was just ok. This is sort of an aggressive statement to be throwing out there considering these facts. Not to mention its more guilt tripping! Clearly it didn't work in the first place, so I don't think its going to work period. After these messages I finally responded, just to get him off my back. I intentionally tried to make him feel embarrassed since he was clearly overreacting. And I haven't received a message since, sooo I think we are good.

My friend C provided me with this very pertinent link yesterday, which further exemplifies the red flags associated with Leo:

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-the-top-10-online-dating-mistakes-guys-make/

Here are some more gems from my inventory of matches, just so you know what I am dealing with in the Boston dating pool:

Some additional information Mike wanted you to know is: Sex would be a plusssssssss+++++++++

The last book Bryan read and enjoyed: The Secrets of Female Sexuality, the title is self-explanatory, Its a mandatory read for guys in my opinion. very interesting

Some additional information Bryan wanted you to know is: My first choice is a dark eyed and dark haired lady.

The one thing Bryan wishes MORE people would notice about him is: That Im not a player

Occupation:Seminarian

$ingle lady #4 has no pity

Leo: so one date and thats it huh...

Why do boys take this approach with girls?? Guilt-tripping me into going out with you is no way into this $ingle lady's heart. I just received this gchat from my friend Leo and it has really put a crimp in my Thursday afternoon.

Speaking with a fellow $L, I copied and pasted the above statement to which she replied:

C: honestly, i hate when guys take that approach, like "oh, i feel bad for you now so of course ill go on second date."

It's true though! Yes, I have been not initiating gchats with him, but I didn't reject him for a second date. He had asked me last week if I was interested in going out for dinner, I had legitimate plans each night with friends to do something (which is when he dropped the second question about my eH dating escapades), and I haven't heard from him since! This gchat is DEFINITELY not dignified a response.

PS. I received a match this week named Zeke. Hello character from a Goosebumps novel.

PPS. I also received an awkward bbm this morning from my old friend W (see ranting blog post from several weeks ago). IGNORE.

$ingle Lady #4 is matchless

I think it would be an understatement that I am disappointed with eHarmz right now. I've expressed my complaints before here and there but I'm very much starting to regret this membership. It has been a full week since I have received a new match. The last being a 31 year old named Albert (Brenaman?). I was hoping for some new matches at least this past week since it was yet another free communication weekend. But alas, no slampieces have been delivered to me.

I have decided to actively start ignoring Leo. I was slightly optimistic after our date to give him a second chance to redeem himself from his tool-ish comments, hoping that it was just first date jitters. Alas my theories about gchat style have come to life with this one. It started last week when he asked me this:

leo: so have any other "eharmz" dates this week? (I made the mistake of dropping our nickname for the site).

Now, I share my dating activities with friends. I do NOT share with someone who I might potentially go out with? He asked me this again a few days later when he asked me out for dinner. This is when I started to get weirded out. He has made attempts to gchat but I've been sort of non responsive. This just solidified $L 2's discount clothing theory. Honestly, I'm sure he is a nice guy. But he was definitely that cute dress on the hanger. He just came on a little too strong for my liking and now I am turned off.

My other strategy of ignoring the boring matches and straight-to-email aggressive matches has somewhat worked and I've been closed by them! Further cutting down the list.

However as my current dating life is the dumps, I am thinking about going into business with Patti Stanger and becoming a matchmaker, as I made a potential love connection between 2 friends this weekend! As my ploy to hit on the cute guy with the SBH (southern boy haircut) backfired (he turned out to be underage?), my friends were enjoying themselves on the d-floor. Frankly I've always been better at matching other people than myself.

Praying for new matches,
$L #4

$L #4 - I Gchat, therefore I am

I have come to the conclusion that the way that you gchat is reflective of the type of person you are.

If I am already friends with you, this is a pretty accurate assessment of who you are and I can almost picture you talking to me in real life (for my long-distance best friends). But if I have yet to meet you, I can size you up with just a short conversation. Here is a summary of the indicators I have come up with:

- Excessive use of emoticons = toolbag. And now that gmail has made these faces animated, it just makes it worse. These should be used sparingly and only in an inside joke scenario. If you are trying to convey how you are really feeling through an emoticon, there are bigger issues at hand.

- Still using middle school AIM lingo = immature. Such words as "g2g," "ttyl" and others were fine to use when we were still taking spelling and vocabulary tests in school and we didn't know how to spell actual words. Plus you looked more appealing to your crush on AIM if you dropped a few of these terms. But now are are working adults, out of college, these terms should be left in the past. This just tells me you don't care about spelling or grammar, which are giant pet peeves of mine. I am guilty of ignoring the proper use of punctuation and capitalization when gchatting. However, I always spell my words out in their entirety and I don't need a special decoder or a search engine to figure out you are trying to say to me. An occasional LOL is fine with me, but only if you are actually laughing out loud.

- Type how you talk = potentially good or bad. Unless you are Eminem or that crazy beyotch Angelea from ANTM, I would assume you speak like a normal person. But when I see some "I ain't be talkin to nobody", our gchat is over.

An eHarmz update on me:

- A Leo recap: the day after the date he felt the need to recap the entire night to me (hint: I WAS THERE) via gchat. Also, he asked me to rate our date on a scale from 1 to 10. Also referred to me as "hot." Personally, I am not a fan of the term, unless you are referring to the temperature. I just don't find it very genuine. I haven't spoken with him since Friday, so who knows when he will surface asking for a second date.

- Got matched with a 19 year old today. Enough said.

- I have reached stage 3 of questions with a Matthew. His (one) picture shows some promise and he asked me some insightful questions.

- I had an aggressive battle with another Matthew on Friday afternoon. I was first nudged by Matthew. I rechecked his profile, only to see that this was one of the guys I had kept around in my matches folder but never communicated with. He resembled David Cross (google image now.) aka Tobias from Arrested Development. His nudging and boring profile warranted a closed match, just because I do not appreciate being jostled by eHarmz or electronically by Matthew to communicate with him. THEN I received an ice breaker subsequent to closing him (is this allowed??) saying "I'd love to chat!!" Obviously, he then sent me his Final Message, the ever-so-creepy, "I really felt we had potential. I'd like you to reconsider."

xoxo,

$L 4

$ingle lady #4: just OK

So after much planning, replanning and scheduling and rescheduling the date with Leo finally went down last night. I wasn't really in the date-y mood but I put on a good face and went. Also I was nervous? I didn't even really start contemplating the fact that I was going on a "first date" with someone I didn't know until about 15 minutes before I was supposed to meet him. In the past when embarking on a first date, I always knew the person or atleast hung out with them prior to the first date. It had helped that we had spoken via gchat beforehand but still, I didn't want to be "that awkward eHarmz date in Panera" situation and have the people and bartenders judging me.

So I've decided to provide a rundown of the date, in the fashion of the NYMag Gossip Girl blog:

The Good....

- We had plenty to talk about. Plus 5. I hate awkward silences. Resulting in a 3 hour long date, somewhat promising.

- We come from similar families/backgrounds. Plus 3. I don't want to be dealing with any crazy in-laws or a big fat greek wedding situation.

- We had similar college experiences. Plus 5. Thus ensued an extensive discussion about frats/sororities, raging and study abroad.

- We have similar tastes in music and other interests/activities. Plus 8, since my musical tastes are eclectic and I enjoy when someone can appreciate it.

The Not So Good....

- Slampiece photo was 88% accurate. Minus 1, because he probably just picked his best photos for eHarmz, as we all guilty of this. Not to mention I'm sure I was looking less than desirable after the way work has been going.

- He used the term "little boy's room" when indicating that he was going to the bathroom. Minus 50, since I hate this phrase. But since it was the first date I won't harp on it too much.

- He is a YANKEES fan. Minus 100000000000000. For anyone born and raised in Boston, this is an immediate deal breaker. But I cannot close him on eHarmz citing the reason as being, "you are a yankees fan and thus dead to me. you basically root for the devil of baseball."

- Already brought up past relationships. Minus 5, since this is kind of strange to start getting into on your first date. That's more of a conversation to have (or not) when you are already in a committed relationship.

- He used some other quirky comments that made me sort of judge him as a toolbag. Minus 8, because it made sort of uncomfortable. However per discussion with $L1, she encouraged me to give it another date to really put that label on him.

Overall I would give the date a B. It wasn't a "fireworks, out of the park, we really have a spark here" date. But it wasn't also a "I have to fake an emergency call to get out of here" date either. He has friends in town the rest of the week/weekend, so potential second date will not occur until next week at the earliest. $L1 encouraged me to give it another shot and go out with him again, which I think I will do, so I can justify my ROI (i love accounting terms). Also because I think eHarmz forgot that I was a registered member and has not provided me any new matches since this weekend.

I am also beginning to get frustrated that almost all of my new matches have their pictures hidden! I got curious the other day and decided to see what happened when I requested their photo. Now, I just assumed that it was similar to friending someone on facebook. You click on the "request this person at a friend button" and then facebook asks you AGAIN are you sure you want to request? I applied this same logic to requesting a photo. Boy was I wrong. When you click on "request photo" the request immediately goes through! I wasn't even sure if I liked the profile of the guy. But now I have a request for eHarmz email communication all because I "photo nudged" him. If I had known this I would never have requested it. Embarrassing.

$ingle Lady #4 also thinks boys are weird

I'm going to join $L 2 in her boy venting session since I encountered a similar confusing boy situation this weekend myself. And I definitely am in agreement that they are WEIRD.

So before I joined this whole eHarmz experiment, we shall say that I was hanging out with this boy. Let's nickname him W. Incidentally we went to the same college, but never really crossed paths and met this fall through a friend. It was nothing serious, but he did take me out and I was under the assumption that there was something going on and there was some form of feelings involved. We talked all the time and on a daily basis. Things were going fine until I went to Canada about a month ago for work, then things started to get weird.

So I left for Canada on a Sunday, and spoke with him on Monday morning before work. Then Monday night I waited around for the usual bbm to come in. It never came. This may seem like an overreaction to some people, but for the amount of time we spent talking and the frequency of it, this was definitely unusual. So I tried to play it cool and not be the crazy-girl and so I waited on Tuesday for the bbm to come. It never came. So for the rest of the week I didn't hear from him and was racking my brain trying to figure out what had changed in the span of 12 hours on Monday when I had last talked to him. So then the ignoring game continued for the next couple of WEEKS. Part of me was saying to forget about it, since I am usually not one to chase after a boy. But another part of me really liked him and wanted to find out why I was being ignored.

So I decided to be bold and write him an email (since I had deleted his number out of my phone, my thumbs do crazy things when I've been drinking), after much consultation with other $ingle ladies. Good thing I never got around to writing the email because he ended up reaching out to me. The conversation went something like this:

W: So you've been MIA lately
$L4: uh, likewise
W: What?? No way

CLEARLY we haven't spoken in a number of weeks, and this tells me that he wasn't exactly racking his brain trying to figure out why this was happening (unlike someone else). So then following the reunion conversation we exchanged some messages back and forth but something was noticeably off. Things just were not the way they used to be. I tried to resume our usual bbm convos, but he was not very talkative and I felt like I was bothering him. This is usually when I back off, since its clear man code that he's just not interested. So this weekend I was supposed to go to this St. Patrick's event with the friend who initially introduced us, figuring that W would be there as well. We had also talked about it earlier in the week, but more in the context that he was not including me in his plans.

So Saturday rolls around and we start formulating plans about what time we are going. Again, he was being very vague and not talkative. The friend also was not helpful and wasn't sure when they were heading over. In the end I never ended up hearing from either of them and just wrote it off as a lost cause. Luckily I had other things to keep this $ingle lady busy, so it wasn't completely a waste of a day. But then W had the nerve, at around 7pm, to bbm me asking me if I was at the event. SERIOUSLY? I am not one to travel as a one-woman wolfpack, so its not like I was going to show up to this event, completely alone, and wander around trying to find them. I replied: '? I never heard from you guys?', to which he said "pfff please." This just set me off, the crazy girl was unfortunately coming out at this point. So I responded 'what was I supposed to do' and also a snide 'whatever, I can take a hint.' Playing the dumb boy card he just responded with a 'what?' and that was the end of communication.

I am still at a loss for what changed the way he was acting towards me and usually I wouldn't care but I was really starting to like W a lot, so it just bums me out that I don't know. I am trying to distract myself with the prospect of Leo in hopes that he is actually a promising match. I didn't hear from him since I canceled on him, so I was proactive and sent him a text trying to reschedule for this week. He said I was cute haha. But we are trying to make this long awaited date happen this week. At this point I should probably be cautious and not mention which day it is in case I need to flake on him for some reason.

Sidenote, the new matches I am being provided (all 3 of them) are nothing promising. I feel too creepy requesting their picture, but there has to be a reason why I am requesting it in the first place: one word, woof. If you don't think you are attractive in your photo, why try to hide it and lie to your matches. I received another match with a foreign/undecipherable language in it. I've received several invites to direct eH email and I'm ok with this, just as long as you don't have a creepy opening line. Both matches have failed MISERABLY on this front. See below:

Hi,
You have a great smile.

I'm looking to meet someone who can make me laugh. That's the one thing I enjoy more than anything ;)

I'm independent and free. I love learning and traveling. Recently I started taking helicopter pilot training just because I've never been in a helicopter before .

Sometimes I wake up and Just jump on a plane to somewhere I've never been just to see what happens.

This summer i'm making time to really enjoy myself. Working less and spending more time with the people that are important to me.

If you want to chat, you know where to find me.

Maybe we were too quick to judge eHarmz?

Despite all the recent success of Date Week 2010 and an addition of another $ingle Lady, I just came across this article on online daters:

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/03/05/online.dating.liars/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn. Hopefully our matches don't turn out to be any of these guys.

Happy glorious Friday.

xo,
$L4

$ingle Lady #4 is THAT guy

Or girl in my case.

The clock reads 12:18am and I wish I could say I am just getting home from my date with Leo. Alas I have failed to participate in Date Week 2010 and am now THAT guy/girl who flakes on their date for an excuse that seems so lame.

I also had a debbie downer sort of day, I can sympathize with you $L5, so needless to say I wasn't really in the date-y mood. But we were meeting for drinks and I was definitely up for the drinks part. But I had gotten word that I had to return to the office for work tonight. I figured I could make it a short trip, but ended up leaving at 10:30. Too late for a date, leaving Leo "frustrated" as he put it in the text.

In retrospect, signing up for eH during tax season probably wasn't the best idea since my schedule is unpredictable and can't exactly make plans since I'm usually on someone else's schedule. To his credit, he was very understanding about the whole thing and already has a sense as to how my job is during this time of year. And we are both busy the next few nights so the next date is TBA and essentially the ball is in my court to make it happen since I am now THAT girl.

With that, my date outfit is wasted and I'm sure he is tallying the negative points against me already.

Datele$$,

$L #4

$ingle Lady #4 - It's official

So it is official, I am embarking on my first eHarmz date tomorrow evening with Leo for drinks. We have been doing a fair amount of gchatting which bodes well for no awkward periods of silence tomorrow hopefully. We are meeting in his 'hood, since I am already familiar with the area. But I will be sure to provide a thorough run down of all date activities Thursday. Is it bad I am already trying to plan my go to work transition to date outfit?

eHarmz continues to be telepathic,

new matches count for the week tally: 5.
promising matches: 0.

$ingle lady #4 is in a $lump

I think its safe to say that this $ingle lady is in a eHarmz $lump. I think I realized it this week as I was perusing my matches, and I noticed that I had looked through them all and had maybe only received 2 new matches this week. Maybe I am quick to judge, but I've only been on eHarmz for a week and I think I could say I am disappointed? I mean I have one promising match in Leo (more on him later) but I have found that overall I am being paired with people who are too old, boring, or unattractive.

Even if you are 35 and say that the age difference doesn't matter, it does! Clearly if you are on eHarmz at age 35 you are looking for wife material. At age 24, I am not ready to be anyones wifey just yet. Not to mention the difference in life experience and standing is just too much and would cause problems. Secondly, I admit that eHarmz can be overwhelming to maintain, but if you are paying to subscribe to the service at least put some effort into it. Numerous matches have responded to my questions with blah answers or not even answering with the question with a "oh that's a tough one..." How am I supposed to get to know you or like you if you can't even definitively answer a question?

As a result, I've started to employ the ignore game. I just haven't advanced to the next level of communication with several of the matches after their boring responses, hoping they don't come after me again. Their profile pictures were just so-so and I kept them around to see what they had to say as far as my compelling questions. But alas, no dice. I receive mediocre answers at best that do not excite me nor make me want to get to know them any better. It's too rude to close them as a match but I will just keep them sitting in my Communicating folder for now hoping that they will disappear.

I am happy to report that Leo and I have advanced to communication outside of eHarmz! We started to exchange gmails this week and even moved to gchat. I was sure to use some of those handy gflirting tips from $ingle lady #2. It was a busy last week for me, but we are planning on meeting up this week for a drink. I have found that we have similar interests and backgrounds through our conversation (and some facebook stalking). But this is my only hopeful eHarmz match thus far, so will report back and give my date grade later this week.

Also, I'm starting to really question these 29 "Dimensions of Compatibility" that eHarmz apparently matches you on. I was paired with a guy this week who had written his profile in some other language (pig latin I think) and never drank. I'm no boozeface, but I enjoy a good drink at the end of the week. Already we are not compatible. Not to mention I can't even decipher this:

The three things which taylor is most thankful for:

• ftthtyhsrtysrtysrt
• ysrtysrtysrtysrty
• srtystreysertysertyserty

Incidentally I just received an email from eHarmz telling me how I can "score" more matches (incidentally it is also telepathic). These two suggestions caught my interest as they just sound completely ridiculous:

Distance – If your match distance setting is at 30 or 60 miles, you may not receive matches who live 31 or 61 miles from you. We recommend setting your match distance settings to at least 120 miles to ensure you get as many quality matches as possible. I'm really not interested in traveling 120 miles to find the man of my dreams.

Drinking Preference – Relaxing this setting to 'a few times a year' or more can greatly expand your qualified matching pool. Someone who has a glass of wine occasionally at dinner or sips champagne on New Year's Eve may have classified themselves as a "drinker" – yet be acceptable to you. WHOA. So are you saying that I'm an alcoholic eHarmz for drinking "several times a week"??? I don't mind if someone doesn't drink but if I want to go out on a Saturday night and he doesn't want to because he "doesn't drink", then are we really compatible eHarmz? Also, typical first dates now are "meet for a drink." What are we going to do, meet up for "conversation?"

Hopefully I can restore my faith in eH this week after my date with Leo and hopefully some new, promising matches. Until then, it is in the doghouse.

xo,
$lumpy $ingle Lady

$ingle Lady #4 - Welcome to eHarmony!

So I joined. And thank god I did because I found out I was inadvertently communicating with some horrific matches and also a surprise "slampiece"! (this seems to be the word of choice to describe an attractive male).

After another long week at work, I came home on Friday night to sushi, wine and eHarmz. Hopefully, this thing will pick up soon so I no longer have to detail my Friday night as such. I was excited to finally see some of these matches! And the gazillion emails I have received since free communication weekend ended from eHarmz did not help my curiosity. My list of matches had reached a high of 40 or so, and I managed to whittle them to about 17 that are acceptable after last night. eHarmz has a funny sense of humor, pairing me with a "musician" where the majority of his pictures included professional portraits of him posing with a musical instrument (i.e. flute, viola). Another was a goth type, with longer hair than me. Clearly I didn't make my preferences clear enough. Then there were just the ones with the boring profiles and the even more boring pictures. I am currently engaged in communication with 9 men (internet dating $lut).

On to the slampiece! I initially judged him, as his name is 'Leo.' All I could think was a guido-type gorilla juicehead from the Jersey Shore. I progressed through communication with him to eHarmony email without even realizing until I found his message to me last night, entitled "Stephanieee." Cute. His profile seemed relatively normal, lives in Southie (young professional crowd), 26, finance consultant, good answers to his questions, detailed but not too detailed. However, upon further review this was the guy who mentioned his zodiac sign, so we may need to overlook that. But his profile picture is niiiice. His other pictures support the hotness of the first, however he does include a photo with him and another girl. I've noticed that this is a common theme with some of my matches. Like, is it going to potentially make me jealous that you are posing with other girls? Is this going to make me want to contact you faster just so I can reach you before someone else? I think not. Leo's questions to me were the standard ones from eHarmz, but he asked the most important question of all: Why did you join eHarmony? but I was honest and answered "Frankly, my friends and I are doing this as an experiment and we are writing a blog." (No worries, I did not provide web address). He found my answer to be funny I guess? He also shares my hatred of answering these generic questions about yourself. He asked me the basic "what do you do for a job" "where do you live" type questions along with some other cute lines tagged in there. I returned the message this morning so we will see how this one goes!

I received my first "Final Message" Thursday evening from Fred, 35. I closed him due to my age limitation rules. Also, his profile was nothing to be desired. He cannot live with out desserts and his keyboard (musical). He also enjoys ballroom dancing. His picture was also VERY blurry, like it was zoomed in and cropped too many times. He mentions in his profile that if you wanted to see another picture of him to request it....no thanks. So I closed him Thursday. Around midnight, my BlackBerry went off and I saw that I had a gmail from eHarmz:

At some point in the past you decided to close your match, Fred. Fred has taken advantage of an opportunity to send you this message:

I think if we met, you might have different feelings about who I am. AGGRESSIVE! Who said anything about meeting?! Let alone communicating?! I was thoroughly creeped out and decided that my new approach to closing matches is to say that I am "pursuing another relationship." This will hopefully limit the number of 'Final Messages' I receive from suitors.

And now, a recap of the matches!

Cary
- Can't live without: food? I don't wanna starve

Timothy
- Additional information Timothy wanted you to know: I'm not the best looking guy, and I've never really had a true relationship, but my friends honestly tell me that I'm a good listener, fun to talk to, very down to earth, and will one day make some lucky girl extremely happy. I know that sounds cliche, but I hope my friends are right and maybe that girl will be the girl of my dreams.
- One thing that only Timothy's best friends know is: I'm extremely emotional for a guy. I don't wear my emotions on my sleeves but I am the type of guy that will almost be sobbing after watching Marley and Me or The Notebook, not to be cliche at all.

mrmongo (seriously this is your name?)
- Typically spends his leisure time: Going to the races. Riding sleds and quads and dirt bikes. Fighting Fires

Jason
- Additional information: If you are interested send me a message because i cannot see anyones pictures on the free trial Ghetto Harmony
- Occupation: Safety Specialist (WHAT is this?)

Patrick
- First thing people notice: That would have to be my sneakers because every time I meet someone new they're like, "Ooooh where did you get those?"

Michael
- 3 things thankful for:
· Realitive health (spelling? is this even a real word?)
· Friends and family cirlces (AGAIN the spelling)
· Athletic skill (Napoleon Dynamite?)

$L#4 has gone MIA

Apologies for the lack of posts this week, work has been taking over my life.

So free communication ended Monday evening. Similar to $L5, I made sure to send all communications/respond to questions in order to maximize and make the most of this free communication.

I reached eHarmz email status with Matt, but then immediately he aggressively threw out his FULL NAME, SCREEN NAME (who uses AIM anymore?), and told me to request his friendship on facebook. WHOA. Perhaps another eager beaver like Wesley? Anyways, I replied very cooly that I don't really use AIM and that he conveniently managed to privatize his search settings on facebook like everyone else (obviously providing me with your last name gives me free reign to attempt to stalk you on facebook). However, I quickly realized that this match was clever, so once I told him I couldn't find him on FB, he suggested I give him my name so he could friend me. Sneak attack. Mind you, this all happened within a matter of minutes. He must have been really desperate, because before I could respond again he threw out his PHONE NUMBER in another message. After this I was beyond overwhelmed. And conveniently free communication ended that night, so he will just have to be left hanging.

I have subseuqently received the nagging emails from eHarmz, "Find out if Jon is the right match for you!" I just actually received SIX separate emails from eHarmz alone in the last 10 minutes introducing me to new matches, trying to entice me to sign up. I really think I eventually will sign up, I left free communication feeling unfulfilled and not really getting anything out of it. So I'm officially going to give it a go (tomorrow is pay day) and pay the $120 to see what happens. They must really want to sign me up, the newest matches as of this morning are really scraping the bottom of the barrel, with matche ranging from 21 (my BROTHER's age) to 35 (NO).

More to come this weekend after I am officially a signed-on member of eHarmz!

xo,

$L 4

$ingle lady #4 - No one said this was going to be easy

I have come to realize the harsh realities of participating in this free communication weekend for eH.

1. THIS IS REALLY HARD. there is always an influx of emails from "userservices" in my gmail inbox saying that Joe, Andrew, Matthew (the list goes on) is a new match for you! or communication received!

2. there is alot of pressure to keep up with all my new matches/communications since I have until tomorrow to decide if i want to pay to join. as the other $ingle ladies have mentioned, it is almost like a full time job. and especially since there is a deadline now.

I've also learned something about myself through this. I'm typically a person that doesn't really put myself out there trying to pick up guys. If it happens or if they make the first move then I'm usually good with that. But I don't engage in such behavior as trying to have my friends pawn me off on complete strangers at a bar (this happened last evening at the bar to my friend). But this whole process is only going to work if I do put myself out there. I'm keeping an open mind (in most cases) and answering questions and responding. I even got brave enough today to send my list of questions to 2 matches. I also received my first icebreaker yesterday? I mean I can't really be judgmental when I'm reading about these people on paper. I'm not saying I'm going to settle, but I also really can't be picky at this point either.

I also realized that my profile was very vague and probably disinteresting to my matches. I mean, I did have only a 37% completion rate on my profile. I logged some eH time this morning, as it is Valentine's Day. And nothing says a fulfilling V-day like internet dating and communication.

I have closed some of my matches due to age (33 is just too up there for me). I really enjoy the list of excuses I can use, and I've been honest with the 33 year olds, your age really IS an issue.

I got my first shut down yesterday, I have been closed by Joshua because is "pursuing another relationship." I mean, I didn't even view his profile? And my profile isn't anything offensive nor was I trying to pursue him. Whatev, hope that works out for you.

I got my first real gem of a match yesterday, Anthony. First strike, he lived too far into the reaches of the Boston suburbs for my taste. Second strike, occupation? truck driver. Third strike, age? 33. AND the kicker, already has 2 kids. GOODBYE. (Also, he only drinks a few times a year, which may interfere with my weekend nights out or mid-week drinking urges due to tax season).

Another pet peeve I have realized about some of my matches is that they purposely withhold information so you absolutely HAVE to communicate with them. "if you want to know more about me just ask!! :) :)" I should not feel like I have to be cajoled into communicating with you just to find out later that you are creepy and just didnt have the balls to post it to eHarm.

To conclude, your last (and most influential and life changing) book should never be "The Abs Diet."

I've progressed to sending my must haves/dislikes to several of the matches, so we will see what will come of those.

NEW $ingle lady on the block

hello blog world. i guess i am the newest $ingle lady, as i have just completed the online eH survey. being alone in a hotel room for 6 nights may do it, or being in rural toronto, but after a stressful day at work, the free communication weekend commercial caught my attention. i have been avidly keeping up with the other $ingle ladies, and after breaking up with a boyfriend last year and not having much success in the dating world as of late, i wanted to join the experiment.

a little about me, i hail from the north, went to college in the south, and currently work as an accountant (thrilling bar pick-up, NOT). my recent dates have occurred after an all-day flip cup tournament, after an all day drinking fest, the trend continues.... i guess i just want some normalcy or perhaps a boy(friend) out of all of this. i guess i am mostly just curious to see what happens. this probably isnt the best time of year for me to be testing this all out, as it is tax season, but recent events have pointed me towards trying it out.

this eHarmony survey was hilarious by the way.

"how do you rate your personal sexiness?"
-i.e. are you really willing to admit that you are hot?

"do you regularly read the side effect of medication that you take?"

- i.e. are you taking crazy pills and thats why you joined this site? slash, are you on birth control? just in case i want to take this online dating to the next level with you

to my surprise i immediately had 7 matches! we have Judd (obviously the unique name out of the bunch), joe, brian, andrew, charles, leo (?), and nick. i read through a few of the profiles and they seem to be relatively normal thus far. even one accountant! possibly to share my love of debits and credits. and all within the city, like $ingle lady #1 i tend to discriminate based on geography. and i do not want a geographically challenged match.

i realized some immediate profile turn-offs:

- excessive exclamation points!!!!

- smiley faces :) :)

- words that do not exist "niceness" "smartness"

- people who probably give themselves more credit than they deserve "what do you wish people noticed more about you? - my big heart" "the man behind the mask" - what does this even mean??

- please do not include your zodiac sign. i do not care, nor do i know what it even means

- your life quote should never be "if life gives you lemons, you make lemonade." speaks VOLUMES right there.

- bad spelling. enough said.

Brian however had my favorite responses, and most unique thus far. Here is a brief summary...

- he is thankful for Phosphorescence. um what.

- he wishes that people would notice that his middle toe is longer than his big toe. again, what.

- he cannot live without the following:

My ficus tree.

Black socks.

My brother's highschool track jacket.

My serape.

My can of Florida Sunshine.

me too, totally.

- in his leisure time, Brian likes to lollygag.

- only brian's friends know that he drinks apple cider vinegar before he goes to bed

i managed to catch the free communication weekend on day #1 so we will see what the rest of this weekend holds and if it is worth forking over the money to fully participate in this grand experiment. more to come from the newest single lady hopefully...