$L#1 agrees with $L#2, and has found her a $olution

Samesies for me. Now you'll just get my random pontifications on life in general. However, before I totally step off dating see the below.

http://www.savethedating.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1&Itemid=2

Save the Date(ing), a successful California- and New York-based social-networking group for singles aged 25-40, is coming to Washington, DC. Become a member, and you'll gain instant access to fun monthly singles events like Pizza Making 101 and squash lessons. An equal ratio of guys to girls is maintained. Membership starts at $250 for three months. There are plans to expand the program to other cities like Boston, Philly, Miami, and Chicago.
- thank you, $tar Magazine

What a fantastic, very $L#2-sounding idea! Prepster-inspired events like cigar-rolling, sailing 101, and "putting the sexy back in ceramics" make this sound like a totally ideal mate-seeking situation.

Keeping back pocket for when that tax refund check comes in...

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1: Clarifying Point...

Clarifying point due to questions....Lawyerboy is not "off the table" as in "out of my life." He's just off limits to blog about.

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1: I'm back!!!

Don't worry loyal readers, I won't leave you out in the cold just yet.

With IMF solidly off the table, my blogging experience has to be limited to the other $ketchy things that happen in my life. Let's begin with $peed Dating!

So long ago and far away, on the eve of April Fools, I journey to a land called Murray Hill with some $keptical co-workers and friends to try our hand at $peed Dating. Much like internet dating, it's a phenomenon nation-wide that is largely misunderstood, and I wish I could say, mis-hated-on. Unfortunately, every stereotype you can imagine for $peed daters is totally true. It was really a bunch of misfits who had to awkwardly sit opposite each other and talk about the same thing every 4 minutes for 2 hours. True to form, there were wayyy more women than men (which prompted them to offer me a free future session to compensate...score!), the men were wayyy older and woofer than men in the Real World, and the air reeked of desperation. Sure, we were there too...label us as you will, but of the 10ish men I "dated" that night, zero came in as a "yes."

The format is simple. Women sit in one place all night. This is key for the waitress to be able to find you to constantly refill your bevvie. Men switch every 4 minutes. We were an intimidating bunch, 5 of us in a row, and the men braved it nicely. In the span of those 4 minutes my first "date" mentioned the words "murder," "pedophile," and "drug dealer." Friend J (his next...victim?) immediately circled "N" (no interest) before he even got a chance to open his mouth to her. Date #3 high-fived me 4 times in 4 minutes. Excellent ratio, and almost scored him a "Y" (as in...yes, I'd like to pursue you further). Date #7 and I had the makings of a nasty fight about the Dove Self-Esteem Fund until the whistle blew and saved us (he was a Victoria's Secret graphic designer...I obviously felt the need to defend Real women everywhere). N, N, N, N, N, N, you get the picture. Particularly flattering was a foreign gentleman who spoke no English and required just a polite head-nod to encourage him to continue talking in gibberish for the entire 4 minutes. The only line I caught was as he sat down, he looked me up and down and mumbled "Yes, definitely Yes." Eww.

What a drag, but fortunately the pre-$peed dating shots kicked in early and we stayed to hang out as a group for a bit. Still no date potential but it was better than the awkward between-whistle made up conversation we'd been having. After several more drinks at our own private "after party" across the street, I convinced IMF to meet me for a late night drink at a different bar where I immediately confessed where I'd been in an effort to make him a little jealous.

Curiosity killed my cat and I actually checked out my profile the next day. I'm flattered to report that 5 dudes "Yes-ed" me to the next round (including the creepy foreign man! And my high-fiver!!). Also confirmed what I already knew...that they were all older than the "max age limit" which thereby totally justified that we had to lie and age ourselves up to be able to go.

Overall $peed Dating as a potential matchmaking opportunity? Not a chance. You're better off sidling up to that $exy $tranger on the Metro...

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1: ROI Analysis

Fortunately, that giant post-it reminded me to cancel yesterday so no additional charges for me. It was shockingly easy (sorry $L#2). Now if only I'd pay attention to the new angry post-it saying "Priority" on the folder that holds my taxes and lease renewal. Naughty, naughty.

Anne is right - I think I "win" this one from an ROI perspective. I'm bad with what things cost, so I'll just break out a list:

8 dates down:

(+) 15-20 drinks (sorry Mom, but I promise, it's spread out!)
(+) 2 dinners
(+) Wine brought to Easter brunch
(-) Cabs from all these drunken dates
(+) On Demand of Did you Hear About the Morgans? (maybe two +s because it was DYHAtM? Though, quick plug, because I thought it was great!)

Definitely squarely in the positive ROI. However, I'd actually say eHarmz was an overall fail. Yes, I met a great guy and we seem very compatible so far (he likes the AirTrain at JFK airport too!!! Plus 10!), but I only met one. I Closed 227, was Communicating (slowly and uninterestedly) with 43, and had not explored 79 new matches. That's a .29% chance of meeting someone in 3 months, for $120. Seems I have a better chance of dating a homeless guy than of actually "finding love" through the Web!

Unfortunately, I have to stop writing about my dates with IMF. He's still in the dark about this whole operation and it's not fair to him. I've officially upgraded him to just MF, and wouldn't run gagging if he ever introduced me as his [girlfriend] (as I breathe into a paper bag...). It's likely that I'll finally get the balls to tell him (probably drunk) one day, and we'll get in a giant fight because it will turn out that he also had some sort of bet with his friends about me, and I'll take a job in San Francisco and he'll come chasing me across a bridge on a motorcycle carrying a dead Love Fern and Follow You Down by the Gin Blossoms will play in the background - wait, that's someone else's story...

Don't worry, there's still plenty of weird stuff that happens to me that doesn't involve him!

'til then,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1: Role Rever$al

Usually, I'm the $hady one. Weird stuff happens to me, not just in dating, but in life in general. I always survive, and it's usually funny, so it's NBD (if you're 14 you know what that means, for the rest of us...no big deal). But while $L#2 appears to have gone off the deep end (seriously?!?! you brought a stranger home?! I'm not even a Mom reading this and I was horrified...), I'm shifting quickly into the world of being a Grown Up. Lawyerboy has officially transitioned into being my Internet Man Friend (my "imf" - there, if that's not changing names to protect the innocent, I don't know what is) by the following criteria:

• I invited him to Easter brunch at my friend's apt, which will be all couples (eek!)
• In reciprocation, he invited me to his rooftop Friday night to grill/hang out with his friends
• I got called out by a coworker for going $peed Dating tonight since I "have a boyfriend"

Bah. Fortunately, my Mom knows me better:

Mom: i'm assuming you don't want him to come to dinner with [uncle] and me
Me: no absolutely not
Me: you wouldnt even know about him if i didnt write a blog

In an unrelated note, I finally completed the post-it I've had on my desk since Jan 5, telling me to "cancel eH" since there's some sort of automatic renewal clause. I found out it's harder to cancel than a credit card...particularly if you check "Single and still looking" as your current $tatus. "But wait!" they implore, "You haven't yet found true love!" They throw quote after quote at you from far reaching members of eHarmz who took over a year, but are sure glad they stuck around to find their soulmate. They convinced me to wait until April 5 when my membership really runs out just in case these next 7 days turn my $ingle $tatus upside down. Now an even bigger, and more imploring post-it decorates my desk "Apr 5, CANCEL eH." Double. Underlined.

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1 has been delinquent

I know, I know, I've been super delinquent about the postings. Truth be told, I haven't done much in the way of dating lately. I've been busy with other things and I just don't have time to [gasp] have a personal life. Lawyerboy had to cancel our gaming date last weekend due to illness, but made up for it by cheering for my Spiders in the NCAA tourney yesterday. Maj bonu$ pointz for getting his whole firm into a conf room to watch AND cheer AND text me updates during a marathon meeting. Ohhh to be a fly on the wall when he responded to the, "wait, did you go to Richmond?" question from his co-workers. "Uhh, no, this girl that I met on the world wide web did, and we've been on a few dates and I've cancelled or bailed on her twice so I feel like I should," or worse, "My girlfriend went there." Shudder.

My $i$ter is in town visiting and brought with her a nugget of iDating wisdom from a fellow silent $ingle Lady (shoutout Mrs. F) to not renew after the required 3 months since there aren't enough new joinees and you quickly drop the number of matches (or worse, get matched with the same doods over and over. Eww, I Closed you for a reason). Better to pulse your memberships to allow for brighter and better $ingle Doods to accumulate first. Totally true - I'm now down to like 4 new matches a week as I enter the home stretch 10 days of membership.

Resched with lawyerboy for this Sunday for a quiet and short evening break probably involving March Madness. Hope I still like him after over 2 weeks "off." Given my affinity for food products made up exclusively of sodium and MSG, my non-clingyness, and my sincere love of all things sports, I imagine he's probably currently questioning whether I'm the world's perfect woman, or else secretly a dood.

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1: Pleather and $peed Dating

ADD is starting to kick in. I’m coming into the home stretch of my membership and eHarmz is starting to bore me. Today I went in and rapid fire closed 25 not-meant-to-bes, though I still refuse to use “I’m pursuing another relationship on eHarmony” as my Closing reason. I did initiate conversation with a guy named Kobe, 1) because that should be my name, and 2) because he’s wearing what appears to be a pleather jacket in his photo, and also with two or three other mehs.

In an effort to spice things up, a few friends and I are trying out the $peed dating cycle – what may become the evolution of online dating. Sadly, there’s an age requirement of 25, so we all had to lie. Then, we panicked because we’re concerned they’re going to check IDs. Fortunately, I still have my fake procured from a sketch basement bong/ID "store" in Toronto when I was 18, so I put in my birthday in the year 1982 (do the math), and requested my sister bring it to me from its hiding place in my childhood bedroom. Must relearn my zip code and re-Google my astrological sign in case the bouncer quizzes me. Stay tuned for three weeks, but in the meantime, check out:

http://www.hurrydate.com/index.cfm?fuseAction=frontEvents.eventDetails&id=9662&yourSex=f&partnerSex=m

Lawyerboy confirmed our impending Date #4 last night. He gets a huge thumbs up from every dood I work with since he’s taking me to Dave and Buster$ for a night of competitive arcade gaming. I told him I’m crafting my strategy. He told me he’s on to my “look pretty to distract him” move so don’t bother. [Insert awwwww here]. Sarah, book your tickets now and start practicing!

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1 and the lost art of the phone call

Real Doods use phones. Not just for texting and bbming, but for what God and Alexander Graham Bell intended. Admittedly, as a $ingle Lady of the "Millenials" generation, I'm 1000% behind texting because:

1) I live in NYC. It's loud, literally everywhere. I sometimes can't hear even in my apartment, particularly at 3 am on garbage night(s).

2) You can't winky face in a phone call. Hard as I try...

3) I keep odd hours, since I'm really a vampire. I don't really sleep a lot so it's likely that my free phone time is between 10 pm and 1 am, and 6 am and 8 am...and only if you're willing to chat while I'm on the treadmill or have DVR on silent in the background.

However, because of the onslaught of texting, the phone call, and especially the voicemail, has become a lost art. In general, I'm a very skilled voicemail leaver. Most of my workday is spent on the phone, receiving and leaving voicemails for clients and sales reps. It's a source of pride.

Enter Monday night, with a missed call from lawyerboy. Perfectly orchestrated vm asking about my day, giving breezy details on his, and requesting date #4. Well balanced between actual conversation starters and actionable plan making, I must admit, I was impressed, but then I remembered that he's a real grown up so of course he knows how to leave a good voicemail. Cell phones weren't even invented yet in his impressionable youth when one learns etiquette. Of course, as the mature adult I am, I responded via text (defense: still at the office) that I was just leaving and needed to go work out and my phone was dying (truth and truth), but that I would call him Tuesday. Then, got home, realized the gym was a crazy idea, charged my phone, and decided I didn't want to make a liar out of myself (because he would definitely remember that I said I was going to work out and ask me how it went, and anyone who knows me knows I'm a TERRIBLE liar). So I called and left definitely the worst voicemail of my entire life. For some reason, I was totally flustered and really just stammered out three sentences and hung up.

Now I'm in a pickle (ooo this is a lonnnng post today!). I talked out of both sides of my mouth and it came back to bite me in the a$$. I said I'd call him tomorrow (in writing! and he's a lawyer!) but then called that night. Was I still on the hook to call the next day? In the holy words of the $ingle Ladies goddess, Blair Waldorf, "Everybody needs to play games." (PS. thank goodness GG is back!!) Therefore, I can't make two unanswered reachouts of communication. Ugh.

Editor's Note: This was a two-day entry. Meanwhile, last night, he did call. We chatted (I even paused 16 & Pregnant instead of just putting it on mute...a courtesy I don't always even extend to my parents [sorry Mom]) and made dinner plans for Sunday. I even admitted that I had a good day and my reward was a dinner of Spaghettios and Butterfinger ice cream. He's pumped that he's now in possession of the knowledge that I'm a cheap date.

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1 is....dating?

I've got to hand it to eHarmony. They may just have cured me of being a crazy girl. Almost every girl has her neuroses--whether or not they're willing to admit it out loud. Girl meets Boy. They hook up, or go out. Boy doesn't call (or text, or Facebook message, or bbm, or gchat, or put up a Google "Buzz" status about her...ps, what the hell IS that?!). Normally Perfectly Rational Girl starts thinking, "What did I do wrong?" Maybe she talks about it with her friends (or in my case, her friends, her coworkers, the Starbucks barrista, and of course, the worldwide web). Maybe she keeps it pent up in her head, but ladie$, admit it, it's always there. That nagging feeling that things aren't going to work out (even if they are, just 15 minutes after you wanted them to).

Enter eHarmz. For a site insistent on its ability to match you with your soul mate they are quick to drop another Mr. Right on you when your Mr. Right Now doesn't work out. Every few days, like clockwork, I get my 5-10 new match emails. Meet Him Now! Hurry, before another girl snatches him up!!

Now I'm a big, big offender of the over thinking, obsessive female behavior that $ingle ladies exhibit when they meet and get involved with a (hopefully) $ingle dood. However, I'm not over thinking this current situation. It may appear so to an outsider, especially my poor boss who listens to my daily status (usually with an impressive amount of faux interest), but in truth, while I have an amazing time on the dates, I'm not thinking too much about him in between. I hope it works out, but no harm no foul if it doesn't.

Shocking, because according to lawyerboy, most of the girls on eHarmz are of a particularly crazy variety, but maybe it's the cure?

Ok, ok, a quite little update on the Date. Went to a v. cute Italian restaurant very close to my apt, shared a lot of wine and good conversation, and found ourselves still sitting there 4 hours later. See, told you good and stable dates are boring to read about!

xo,
$L#1

Another Interesting Link...

Friend of $ingle Ladies A sent this link long ago -

http://wamu.org/programs/dr/10/02/10.php#31804

Interesting podcast on internet dating. Pause your Pandoras, plug in those headphones, and check it out!

Date #3 with lawyerboy tonight. He called last night to set it up. Heart that he takes charge, picking the place before he'd even picked up the phone. But, accommodating as it's in my neighborhood and he got my help on the time. Obvs I put him on speakerphone conference so that all my co-workers could participate. Then J started giggling and I had to hang up on them. I'm also dragging him kicking and screaming into the pop culture world by insisting he "prep for court" (where he is all day today) by watching The Deep End on ABC. Discussion points will follow at dinner.

After tonight, I'll probably officially pass the sideline goal of hitting a positive ROI mark making my eHarmz journey a fiscally responsible decision. Which, unfortunately, sounded a lot less shallow to me before there was a face to that ROI...

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1: Maybe eHarmz is on to something?

Date numero dos with lawyerboy was a rousing success despite all the odds.

The Odds:

1) We went for sushi, which is universally recognized as the worst and most awkward date food ever, falling immediately behind giant cloves of garlic smothered in raw onions.

2) We had to wait a few minutes for our table and had a glass of wine at the bar. I hadn’t finished mine by the time we sat down so I brought it to the table. He ordered a bottle, which came while I was still demurely sipping my glass and I ended up double fisting different types of pinot grigio. So, I asked the waiter for a funnel, which he could not produce.

3) Again, with the morbid throw-my-body-in-the-river comments! Ugh, I can’t shake them. This time, he initiated most, so apparently, he’s into it. Foreshadow?

4) I don’t know anything about lawyering, and thus, couldn’t muster authentic awe when he told me then name of his law firm. In my defense, I told him this up front, and then feigned mock excitement before promptly forgetting it.

5) He told me he considered running for President but can’t because of his last name. Follow up question is, of course, what is it? (I was ready with a solid “that’s what she said” line, assuming what would follow was something totally inappropriate). Alas, it’s just complicated, and as he put it, Presidents have easy last names to remember. He’s totally right, because I couldn’t remember it (even though I promised to vote for him), and am currently employing my superb internet stalking skillz to Google the archives of his college’s athletic website to find it (Interim pause…success! Damn I'm good at this). That’s a super awkward thing to have to ask someone twice…

The Despite:

Date #3 scheduled for actual Date Night. I believe it involves us embarking on a college-style-because-I-can-drink-you-under-the-table-themed bar crawl. And you thought I was becoming a grown up…

Count it. 4 days, 3 $ingle Ladies, 4 dates. There's an equation in there somewhere that maybe lends itself to the success of this Internet Dating thing after all?

Xo,
$ingle Lady #1

$ingle Lady #1: A Tale of a $ingle Lady

A $ingle Lady sits at a bar. Alone would make a better story, but alas, she sits amongst friends. Her phone rings. An unknown number. Does she answer? Her friends certainly encourage it. Deep breath. Hello? They discuss the massive snowicane that continues to pummel their city. He asks if he can take her to dinner the following week. $ushi, in fact, to bolster her addiction to mercury poisoning. (Heart). Then, he makes a joke that he'd take her to do coke but that's a little heavy for a second date [Narrator interruption: something I didn't reveal to you before, but yet another of my Minus points was telling him that people think I do coke to keep my energy up, but I don't, and therefore think it's mercury poisoning...plus many points for him turning that into an inside joke. In my defense, it's an office joke, and come on, if you can joke about it at work, you can joke about it on a date...] They discuss neighborhoods, and agree that he'll text her a location after he does a little research on places to go. They wish each other a happy weekend, and hang up.

The end. Or rather, to be continued...

xo,
$ingle Lady #1

$ingle Lady #1 Elaborates

Realized this morning from the massive amounts of feedback that the post last night was a totally inadequate description of the date. Overall, I'd give the actual date a solid A-. It was a little awkward to begin with, because you spend the first half of the date totally ignoring the fact that you came to be there through the Worldwide Web. Then, one or the other makes a comment about it and all the awkwardness goes out the window as you laugh and joke about how weird the whole process is. But overall, conversation flowed naturally, he and I bantered well, and I really feel like he got a good read on my overall energy and personality. (Plus, bonus points for my well-executed professional-but-not-stuffy-since-I-work-in-a-creative-industry outfit. Yes, it was a group effort).

He gets two very solid plus 5s. One, because when I told him what I do, his follow up comment was, "Oh, I just bought Dove yesterday." I squealed with delight (which was apparently, my minus), and immediately hearted him. Then launched into the spiel about how he should next buy Dove Men+Care because "he's a man." Two, because in the midst of telling him I'm training for a half-marathon (side bar: he ran in college...in fact, was supposed to run D1, then had a horrific injury his junior year which should have stalled his whole career, got dumped by D1, still wooed by D3 and ended up getting an acceptance letter handed to him on his coaches visit. He didn't even have to apply, lucky ba$tard, and had he overcome and made it to the Olympics he totally would have had a one-on-one sitdown with Natalie Morales), I told him how lovely it was to train in Mexico where the trainers would come by every 5 minutes with lemon-infused water and a cold towel. Response: "I have the best idea. Me and my friends will rent a golf cart and drive next to you while you run, pouring you lemon-infused water and handing you cold towels." Hearted him more. One the one hand, come on, that would just be awesome, and on the other, he used the words "me," "you," and "my friends" all in one statement.

Needless to say, he didn't hit the noon deadline. I find myself blissfully unconcerned. The deadline is arbitrary, and truthfully, if I was a dood I wouldn't follow-up-first-date text on a Friday morning. That leaves wayyy to much open about the next date day. Friday and Saturday second dates from the Internet are aggressive. I'm expecting a Sunday or Monday follow up, maybe setting up drinks or dinner next week.

And if he doesn't, eager-beaver Wesley is still on my open list ;-)

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1: B- at Best

I purposely waited 24 hours to post to let the juices marinate. I was feelin' good. I sent the 10 pm requisite "I'm still alive and not floating in the East River" texts. My mom called at 11 pm last night to gossip about the date. I walked into the office this morning firmly in B+ territory. I'd even venture to say A- but didn't want to appear cocky.

Flashback. The date was good! He totally took charge, immediately offering to get me a beverage when I walked in, and had clearly been there for long enough to be early (since he was already almost a full-beer deep). Plus 1. He'd secured a table so we could sit and talk, rather than sit at the bar. Plus 2. We had easy, flowing conversation, both laughed often, and engaged in witty banter. Plus 3. We ended the evening with him hailing me a cab, kissing me (on the cheek! naughty, naughty) goodnight, and asking for my digit$ so he could call me sometime. Plus 4. Success huh?

Not so fast. The details started to emerge about my behavior on the date, and my success ball of yarn started to unravel. I talked too much. I was wayyy too enthusiastic about my job (but come on, everyone should use Dove soap). When asked about my unnaturally high amount of energy, I attributed it to mercury poisoning from all the sushi I eat. He and I bantered about murder jokes (there's an explanation, but seems irrelevant to this paragraph...). Minus 1. Minus 2. Minus 3. For me.

Enter happy hour tonight. A circle of mixed-gender captivated listeners (or perhaps, just captives...ask them?) evaluating my date. Apparently, somewhere between The Guy Code and He's Just Not That Into You, lawyerboy has until exactly noon tomorrow to throw a follow up text my way before it's officially not happening at all. Ouch, rules. Ouch.

Stay tuned. 13 hours and counting...

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1: First first date lockdown?

Soo looks like it's really going to happen. First first date w/lawyerboy is "set" for tomorrow. This time, he nailed down the time and place days in advance. A+ for being trainable. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous. The last time I had a real First Date with someone I honestly had never met before was last Fall, when I went on a few dates with a guy who was in my phone as J___ Gin Mill (fellow New Yorkers will understand the significance of meeting a guy there). After a date or two I did learn his real last name, but never bothered to change it in my phone. Maybe that was the first sign...

If pressed, I would say I'm probably a good first date. But, that's really only because I'm an excellent first date from my point of view. Like $L#2, I'm a T.A.L.K.E.R. Times a thousand. I could literally talk to a brick wall for 2 hours, and walk away thinking how fantastic it was. Therefore, no matter what, I know I'LL have fun on this date tomorrow. I can talk about sports, pop culture (scratch that, he's not a pop culture follower...), books, movies, enough about politics and world events.... We'll find common interests. We'll be able to laugh and talk about how awkward eHarmony dating is. and about the crazy hours at our jobs. Sounds like a great date to me! Stay tuned for his reaction... Must remember to take breaths between sentences to let him get a word in.

Weird result of Internet Dating #557: There is homework the night before the date. I've reviewed over 500 profiles. I'm in communication with 21 guys. I'm in email open communication with 6. It's hard to keep track of which guy's photo was on the Wall of China, and who was in front of the Eiffel Tower. Therefore, I'm spending the next 20 minutes studying his Cosmo quiz questions, Must Haves, Essays and Emails. I didn't do this much work in school!

Stay tuned...you'll either get a snooze, a lonng rant, or a few light sentences about how great it was...because $L#2 is right. The good guys just aren't fun to write or read about.

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1 is limited by her options...

I'm going to defend all the doods who have sent lame Final Messages to all the $ingle Ladies. I tried for the first time today to send one. I assumed it was like an email - free form communication, where I could rationally put forth my argument for why we should continue to pursue our budding computer relationship. Nope. Instead, you get 5 choices from which to select why you'd like them to reconsider, all sounding more desperate than the last.

"I have now posted my photo and when it is approved it will be available to you." (Translation: I've finally found a Google Image model that looks like a super hot version of me so you'll choose to meet me, and then can't be too pissed when my real face shows up instead)

"I have now completed all my Match Profile questions." (Translation: So you can know the answer to your burning question - what was the last book I read)

"Good luck with you search." (The safest, least desperate sounding, but really? what's the point.)

"I really felt we had potential. I'd like you to reconsider." (Barf.)

"I think if we met, you might have different feelings about who I am." (Please refer to $L#4's post below to see how ALL WOMEN would feel about receiving this response).

Slammed between a rock and a hard place, I selected option 4, vommed in my mouth a little, and hit send. For a site who boasts strong communication between its members, the choices are quite limited!

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1 has found her perfect match on eHarmony...and he closed her

The first thing people notice about Scott is:

when they finally come to their senses after being blown away by my hurricane of beauty, people probably do a double take to see if my looks are for real. Eventually they will of course figure out that I am awesome.

The last book Scott read and enjoyed:

I am currentty pacing myself through the Lorax by Dr. Seuss. I am particularly fond of the brown barbaloots in their barbaloot suits.

He is most thankful for his enthusiasm.

He is wearing seersucker in not one, but three of his photos.

He lists his location as "City that Never Sleeps, New York."

Other than his lack of attention to detail (note: "I am currentty" instead of "currently" is not a typo on my part. It's a direct copy/paste), he sounds right up my alley. Because there's no such thing as female dignity on eHarmony, I'm going to go ahead and slap down my "Send Final Message" card and call him out on it.

Potential date plans with lawyer for Weds, although now I know better than to tell people that so shhh. I've also procured a real AOL email address from him with which to now communicate. After all this back and forth he'd better at least be interesting...

xo,
$L#1

Reason eHarmz is Fantastic...

This is the ad I was served today. Gotta love Jazzercise making a comeback.

I've been advised by my lawyer, who will be played by a dark-haired George Clooney in my Life Movie, to change names to protect the innocent. Or guilty. Whichever. Thoughts?

$ingle Lady #1: Its a $mall world afterall...

Ahh Valentine's Day. The day of love, roses, chocolates, and romance. Naturally, its the worst enemy of a $ingle Lady, given her current status, and matchmaking sites like eHarmz prey on us while we're weak. Don't worry ladiez, I too was had by the promise of eternal love without even leaving my living room.

This Free Communication Weekend spawned a few new $ingle Ladies, both those who choose to share the experience with you here and those secret private people who want to give it a test run on their own.

Friend S (another nyc-ian) is one such person, who joined eHarmz and put in her profile that this was expiration dating so por favor no dilly dallying with those Must Haves. She called yesterday to say she had a date! Excitement turned to serious jealousy that it took me 10 weeks to even secure a real date and then couldn't even keep it. Then she said his name. Wesley. Sound familiar? It should, for he was also one of my early promised eternal loves. Ever the eager beaver (still) he had fast tracked her so quickly her head was spinning.

She didn't go. Not a match made in heaven, and now alas, Free Comm Weekend has come to a close. Coming soon: for more on the story, check out http://guidetobeingawesome.wordpress.com/

Update: in a moment of boldness I don't usually experience with men, I emailed Chris yesterday. Fear not, it wasn't a sobbing, whiny wwwhhhhyyyy??? (though seriously tempting)... He replied shortly after that he never got my confirmation email so he didn't think we were on for yesterday. Suspicious, but he has no reason to lie to me so I suppose I'll take up his offer for an early next week date.

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1...is being stood up?

How do $ingle Ladies celebrate Valentine's Day? One word - Sangria. Or three words, and add Burgers. MacNCheese.

Flashback to last week. I was in sunny Mexico with my parents and grandparents, enjoying the sun and being the darling of the trainers in the gym (yes, I took my cute workout clothes, and yes, I actually used them!) and the waiters by the pool. My mom, ever sensitive, told me I should go to one of those dolphin adventures where you sit in a tank while they swim around you and at the end, they take a photo of the dolphin "kissing" you and sell it to you for a ridiculous price. Her reason - because it would be the only mammal I'd kiss all week. Thanks Mom. 75% of the people at the resort were pushing 80. The other 25% were 30-something parents and their small children. Our last day a cutie in the range of 17 boldly smiled and said hello as I walked to lunch with my parents. My mom said he ran into a hedge when I smirked and waved back. In his defense, I had big sunglasses on so he couldn't see my crows feet.

Emboldened by my week of relaxation, I emailed Chris, lawyer to try to finally set up a date. He replied almost immediately and we set up lunch for today. He asked me what neighborhood was convenient, and on Friday, I replied anywhere midtown or south so I could head to the office afterwards. My assumption was that he would respond, probably yesterday, with a location and time. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. It's 11:10 and come on, I like spontaneity but truthfully I haven't even showered yet and he should know that it takes at least 30 minutes to get anywhere in Manhattan.

Now I'm That Girl, who's sitting on her computer watching Private Practice hitting refresh on my email (the modern day "sitting by the phone" waiting for him to call), hoping to get that elusive eHarmony email "You've received communication from..."

<3,
$ingle Lady #1