I'm going to defend all the doods who have sent lame Final Messages to all the $ingle Ladies. I tried for the first time today to send one. I assumed it was like an email - free form communication, where I could rationally put forth my argument for why we should continue to pursue our budding computer relationship. Nope. Instead, you get 5 choices from which to select why you'd like them to reconsider, all sounding more desperate than the last.
"I have now posted my photo and when it is approved it will be available to you." (Translation: I've finally found a Google Image model that looks like a super hot version of me so you'll choose to meet me, and then can't be too pissed when my real face shows up instead)
"I have now completed all my Match Profile questions." (Translation: So you can know the answer to your burning question - what was the last book I read)
"Good luck with you search." (The safest, least desperate sounding, but really? what's the point.)
"I really felt we had potential. I'd like you to reconsider." (Barf.)
"I think if we met, you might have different feelings about who I am." (Please refer to $L#4's post below to see how ALL WOMEN would feel about receiving this response).
Slammed between a rock and a hard place, I selected option 4, vommed in my mouth a little, and hit send. For a site who boasts strong communication between its members, the choices are quite limited!
xo,
$L#1
Saturday, February 20, 2010
$ingle Lady #4 - Welcome to eHarmony!
So I joined. And thank god I did because I found out I was inadvertently communicating with some horrific matches and also a surprise "slampiece"! (this seems to be the word of choice to describe an attractive male).
After another long week at work, I came home on Friday night to sushi, wine and eHarmz. Hopefully, this thing will pick up soon so I no longer have to detail my Friday night as such. I was excited to finally see some of these matches! And the gazillion emails I have received since free communication weekend ended from eHarmz did not help my curiosity. My list of matches had reached a high of 40 or so, and I managed to whittle them to about 17 that are acceptable after last night. eHarmz has a funny sense of humor, pairing me with a "musician" where the majority of his pictures included professional portraits of him posing with a musical instrument (i.e. flute, viola). Another was a goth type, with longer hair than me. Clearly I didn't make my preferences clear enough. Then there were just the ones with the boring profiles and the even more boring pictures. I am currently engaged in communication with 9 men (internet dating $lut).
On to the slampiece! I initially judged him, as his name is 'Leo.' All I could think was a guido-type gorilla juicehead from the Jersey Shore. I progressed through communication with him to eHarmony email without even realizing until I found his message to me last night, entitled "Stephanieee." Cute. His profile seemed relatively normal, lives in Southie (young professional crowd), 26, finance consultant, good answers to his questions, detailed but not too detailed. However, upon further review this was the guy who mentioned his zodiac sign, so we may need to overlook that. But his profile picture is niiiice. His other pictures support the hotness of the first, however he does include a photo with him and another girl. I've noticed that this is a common theme with some of my matches. Like, is it going to potentially make me jealous that you are posing with other girls? Is this going to make me want to contact you faster just so I can reach you before someone else? I think not. Leo's questions to me were the standard ones from eHarmz, but he asked the most important question of all: Why did you join eHarmony? but I was honest and answered "Frankly, my friends and I are doing this as an experiment and we are writing a blog." (No worries, I did not provide web address). He found my answer to be funny I guess? He also shares my hatred of answering these generic questions about yourself. He asked me the basic "what do you do for a job" "where do you live" type questions along with some other cute lines tagged in there. I returned the message this morning so we will see how this one goes!
I received my first "Final Message" Thursday evening from Fred, 35. I closed him due to my age limitation rules. Also, his profile was nothing to be desired. He cannot live with out desserts and his keyboard (musical). He also enjoys ballroom dancing. His picture was also VERY blurry, like it was zoomed in and cropped too many times. He mentions in his profile that if you wanted to see another picture of him to request it....no thanks. So I closed him Thursday. Around midnight, my BlackBerry went off and I saw that I had a gmail from eHarmz:
At some point in the past you decided to close your match, Fred. Fred has taken advantage of an opportunity to send you this message:
I think if we met, you might have different feelings about who I am. AGGRESSIVE! Who said anything about meeting?! Let alone communicating?! I was thoroughly creeped out and decided that my new approach to closing matches is to say that I am "pursuing another relationship." This will hopefully limit the number of 'Final Messages' I receive from suitors.
And now, a recap of the matches!
Cary
- Can't live without: food? I don't wanna starve
Timothy
- Additional information Timothy wanted you to know: I'm not the best looking guy, and I've never really had a true relationship, but my friends honestly tell me that I'm a good listener, fun to talk to, very down to earth, and will one day make some lucky girl extremely happy. I know that sounds cliche, but I hope my friends are right and maybe that girl will be the girl of my dreams.
- One thing that only Timothy's best friends know is: I'm extremely emotional for a guy. I don't wear my emotions on my sleeves but I am the type of guy that will almost be sobbing after watching Marley and Me or The Notebook, not to be cliche at all.
mrmongo (seriously this is your name?)
- Typically spends his leisure time: Going to the races. Riding sleds and quads and dirt bikes. Fighting Fires
Jason
- Additional information: If you are interested send me a message because i cannot see anyones pictures on the free trial Ghetto Harmony
- Occupation: Safety Specialist (WHAT is this?)
Patrick
- First thing people notice: That would have to be my sneakers because every time I meet someone new they're like, "Ooooh where did you get those?"
Michael
- 3 things thankful for:
· Realitive health (spelling? is this even a real word?)
· Friends and family cirlces (AGAIN the spelling)
· Athletic skill (Napoleon Dynamite?)
After another long week at work, I came home on Friday night to sushi, wine and eHarmz. Hopefully, this thing will pick up soon so I no longer have to detail my Friday night as such. I was excited to finally see some of these matches! And the gazillion emails I have received since free communication weekend ended from eHarmz did not help my curiosity. My list of matches had reached a high of 40 or so, and I managed to whittle them to about 17 that are acceptable after last night. eHarmz has a funny sense of humor, pairing me with a "musician" where the majority of his pictures included professional portraits of him posing with a musical instrument (i.e. flute, viola). Another was a goth type, with longer hair than me. Clearly I didn't make my preferences clear enough. Then there were just the ones with the boring profiles and the even more boring pictures. I am currently engaged in communication with 9 men (internet dating $lut).
On to the slampiece! I initially judged him, as his name is 'Leo.' All I could think was a guido-type gorilla juicehead from the Jersey Shore. I progressed through communication with him to eHarmony email without even realizing until I found his message to me last night, entitled "Stephanieee." Cute. His profile seemed relatively normal, lives in Southie (young professional crowd), 26, finance consultant, good answers to his questions, detailed but not too detailed. However, upon further review this was the guy who mentioned his zodiac sign, so we may need to overlook that. But his profile picture is niiiice. His other pictures support the hotness of the first, however he does include a photo with him and another girl. I've noticed that this is a common theme with some of my matches. Like, is it going to potentially make me jealous that you are posing with other girls? Is this going to make me want to contact you faster just so I can reach you before someone else? I think not. Leo's questions to me were the standard ones from eHarmz, but he asked the most important question of all: Why did you join eHarmony? but I was honest and answered "Frankly, my friends and I are doing this as an experiment and we are writing a blog." (No worries, I did not provide web address). He found my answer to be funny I guess? He also shares my hatred of answering these generic questions about yourself. He asked me the basic "what do you do for a job" "where do you live" type questions along with some other cute lines tagged in there. I returned the message this morning so we will see how this one goes!
I received my first "Final Message" Thursday evening from Fred, 35. I closed him due to my age limitation rules. Also, his profile was nothing to be desired. He cannot live with out desserts and his keyboard (musical). He also enjoys ballroom dancing. His picture was also VERY blurry, like it was zoomed in and cropped too many times. He mentions in his profile that if you wanted to see another picture of him to request it....no thanks. So I closed him Thursday. Around midnight, my BlackBerry went off and I saw that I had a gmail from eHarmz:
At some point in the past you decided to close your match, Fred. Fred has taken advantage of an opportunity to send you this message:
I think if we met, you might have different feelings about who I am. AGGRESSIVE! Who said anything about meeting?! Let alone communicating?! I was thoroughly creeped out and decided that my new approach to closing matches is to say that I am "pursuing another relationship." This will hopefully limit the number of 'Final Messages' I receive from suitors.
And now, a recap of the matches!
Cary
- Can't live without: food? I don't wanna starve
Timothy
- Additional information Timothy wanted you to know: I'm not the best looking guy, and I've never really had a true relationship, but my friends honestly tell me that I'm a good listener, fun to talk to, very down to earth, and will one day make some lucky girl extremely happy. I know that sounds cliche, but I hope my friends are right and maybe that girl will be the girl of my dreams.
- One thing that only Timothy's best friends know is: I'm extremely emotional for a guy. I don't wear my emotions on my sleeves but I am the type of guy that will almost be sobbing after watching Marley and Me or The Notebook, not to be cliche at all.
mrmongo (seriously this is your name?)
- Typically spends his leisure time: Going to the races. Riding sleds and quads and dirt bikes. Fighting Fires
Jason
- Additional information: If you are interested send me a message because i cannot see anyones pictures on the free trial Ghetto Harmony
- Occupation: Safety Specialist (WHAT is this?)
Patrick
- First thing people notice: That would have to be my sneakers because every time I meet someone new they're like, "Ooooh where did you get those?"
Michael
- 3 things thankful for:
· Realitive health (spelling? is this even a real word?)
· Friends and family cirlces (AGAIN the spelling)
· Athletic skill (Napoleon Dynamite?)
Friday, February 19, 2010
$ingle Lady #1 has found her perfect match on eHarmony...and he closed her
The first thing people notice about Scott is:
when they finally come to their senses after being blown away by my hurricane of beauty, people probably do a double take to see if my looks are for real. Eventually they will of course figure out that I am awesome.
The last book Scott read and enjoyed:
I am currentty pacing myself through the Lorax by Dr. Seuss. I am particularly fond of the brown barbaloots in their barbaloot suits.
He is most thankful for his enthusiasm.
He is wearing seersucker in not one, but three of his photos.
He lists his location as "City that Never Sleeps, New York."
Other than his lack of attention to detail (note: "I am currentty" instead of "currently" is not a typo on my part. It's a direct copy/paste), he sounds right up my alley. Because there's no such thing as female dignity on eHarmony, I'm going to go ahead and slap down my "Send Final Message" card and call him out on it.
Potential date plans with lawyer for Weds, although now I know better than to tell people that so shhh. I've also procured a real AOL email address from him with which to now communicate. After all this back and forth he'd better at least be interesting...
xo,
$L#1
when they finally come to their senses after being blown away by my hurricane of beauty, people probably do a double take to see if my looks are for real. Eventually they will of course figure out that I am awesome.
The last book Scott read and enjoyed:
I am currentty pacing myself through the Lorax by Dr. Seuss. I am particularly fond of the brown barbaloots in their barbaloot suits.
He is most thankful for his enthusiasm.
He is wearing seersucker in not one, but three of his photos.
He lists his location as "City that Never Sleeps, New York."
Other than his lack of attention to detail (note: "I am currentty" instead of "currently" is not a typo on my part. It's a direct copy/paste), he sounds right up my alley. Because there's no such thing as female dignity on eHarmony, I'm going to go ahead and slap down my "Send Final Message" card and call him out on it.
Potential date plans with lawyer for Weds, although now I know better than to tell people that so shhh. I've also procured a real AOL email address from him with which to now communicate. After all this back and forth he'd better at least be interesting...
xo,
$L#1
$ingle lady #2 is not adding you to her address book
eH is making me realize that I'm obtaining a lot of phone numbers. I don't really want to add all of you to my phone. For example, Ben. Now I have this floater, Ben, who clearly is not going to call me again. What a waste of an entry. So, I'm meeting up with area code 231 (aka Pete) tonight for a drink. Until things progress, that's all he is to me.
Speaking of phone numbers, I gave mine to a cute boy last weekend (non-eH), but have not heard back. I think my convo with L will suffice:
me: im excited to go out tonight
L: me too i need to meet some more gents, i was pretty successful last friday
me: i met this kid who A works with?
L: none of them called, but i talked to like 10
me: he was so cute and got my #
L: oh yeah? name?
me: but then i wouldnt shut up about triathalons
L: hhahahaa
me: so i think he decided not to call... i mean he was training for one
and i was like, oh let me be less self-absorbed and talk about his interests
L: hahaha
me: but then i just was like running triathalons blah blah blah
and the KICKER was that bc of said tri he wasn't drinking
i certainly was
L: hahahaha
Sooo yeah I'm still pretty bad at this. Tonight I'm going to be a good listener, I swear.
-le deux
Speaking of phone numbers, I gave mine to a cute boy last weekend (non-eH), but have not heard back. I think my convo with L will suffice:
me: im excited to go out tonight
L: me too i need to meet some more gents, i was pretty successful last friday
me: i met this kid who A works with?
L: none of them called, but i talked to like 10
me: he was so cute and got my #
L: oh yeah? name?
me: but then i wouldnt shut up about triathalons
L: hhahahaa
me: so i think he decided not to call... i mean he was training for one
and i was like, oh let me be less self-absorbed and talk about his interests
L: hahaha
me: but then i just was like running triathalons blah blah blah
and the KICKER was that bc of said tri he wasn't drinking
i certainly was
L: hahahaha
Sooo yeah I'm still pretty bad at this. Tonight I'm going to be a good listener, I swear.
-le deux
Thursday, February 18, 2010
$ingle lady #2 debates subjects vs. direct objects, and existentialism?
Okay, so it's been brought to my attention that my opinion on picture captions is not correct. I am willing to hear others' opinions. Crispy Chicken Deluxe sent me an ELABORATE description of why "My sister and I" is indeed correct:
"As for your attempt at inciting a vicious grammatical debate, I think you're reaching there champ. Because I was responsible for the creation of that photo, am I not thus the subject of all constructs that result from it? If that were not the case, then we would always be 'me's,' due to the fact that we would be considered direct objects reliant upon our parents and their creation of us. Now we're entering into humanism and existentialism [$L#2]--dangerous territory."
Then a $ingled00d hopeful started a similar argument (in my defense he misspells sentence twice...):
D: fyi my sister and i - is correct
"As for your attempt at inciting a vicious grammatical debate, I think you're reaching there champ. Because I was responsible for the creation of that photo, am I not thus the subject of all constructs that result from it? If that were not the case, then we would always be 'me's,' due to the fact that we would be considered direct objects reliant upon our parents and their creation of us. Now we're entering into humanism and existentialism [$L#2]--dangerous territory."
Then a $ingled00d hopeful started a similar argument (in my defense he misspells sentence twice...):
D: fyi my sister and i - is correct
me: oh he sent me some long explanation of that but i still disagree
D: its pretty simple, if you were to finish that sentance it would be something like: my sister and i are here...me does not make sense
me: is the label the subject? i dont think of it that way
D: well its not a full sentance so its hard to argue about there being a true grammatical mistake there
me: yeah, i think you are right about that
D: i know I'm right
me: bc it could be "here is a picture of d, k and me"
The important part of this post is that Crisp was not put off by my argument, so he gets another point.
What position do my extremely grammatical friends (e.g. www.lifeneedsedits.com) hold on this debate?
<3 SL#2
The important part of this post is that Crisp was not put off by my argument, so he gets another point.
What position do my extremely grammatical friends (e.g. www.lifeneedsedits.com) hold on this debate?
<3 SL#2
$L#4 has gone MIA
Apologies for the lack of posts this week, work has been taking over my life.
So free communication ended Monday evening. Similar to $L5, I made sure to send all communications/respond to questions in order to maximize and make the most of this free communication.
I reached eHarmz email status with Matt, but then immediately he aggressively threw out his FULL NAME, SCREEN NAME (who uses AIM anymore?), and told me to request his friendship on facebook. WHOA. Perhaps another eager beaver like Wesley? Anyways, I replied very cooly that I don't really use AIM and that he conveniently managed to privatize his search settings on facebook like everyone else (obviously providing me with your last name gives me free reign to attempt to stalk you on facebook). However, I quickly realized that this match was clever, so once I told him I couldn't find him on FB, he suggested I give him my name so he could friend me. Sneak attack. Mind you, this all happened within a matter of minutes. He must have been really desperate, because before I could respond again he threw out his PHONE NUMBER in another message. After this I was beyond overwhelmed. And conveniently free communication ended that night, so he will just have to be left hanging.
I have subseuqently received the nagging emails from eHarmz, "Find out if Jon is the right match for you!" I just actually received SIX separate emails from eHarmz alone in the last 10 minutes introducing me to new matches, trying to entice me to sign up. I really think I eventually will sign up, I left free communication feeling unfulfilled and not really getting anything out of it. So I'm officially going to give it a go (tomorrow is pay day) and pay the $120 to see what happens. They must really want to sign me up, the newest matches as of this morning are really scraping the bottom of the barrel, with matche ranging from 21 (my BROTHER's age) to 35 (NO).
More to come this weekend after I am officially a signed-on member of eHarmz!
xo,
$L 4
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Reason eHarmz is Fantastic...
This is the ad I was served today. Gotta love Jazzercise making a comeback. I've been advised by my lawyer, who will be played by a dark-haired George Clooney in my Life Movie, to change names to protect the innocent. Or guilty. Whichever. Thoughts?
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