$L#5 went on a secret eHarm date, plus a new blog

Hola old friends - if anyone still reads you will be interested to know that (1) $ingle lady #5 went on an eH date without telling you and (2) I, $L2 decided that I can't live without blogging. But I also don't want to internet date any more so feel free to visit me at http://sorryforwinning.blogspot.com. Still undergoing cosmetic improvements...

$ingle Lady #4 - All things must come to an end...

No, I am not quitting the blog.

The eHarmz membership expired this past week and I was fairly happy about it. Taking the wise advice from $L 2's cancellation experience, I made sure to do it the day before it expired (per my outlook calendar reminder, again thank you for the advice $L 1). I was messaging with John, 26, Lawyer, however the conversating was not stimulating enough and we had exchanged one message back and forth. Not urgent enough to throw a desperate, "my membership is expiring, here is my email address, etc., please contact me." I'm happy that I no longer feel like I have to tend to my matches and maintain communication. Too much effort for lackluster matches.

So alas, I made it out of the 3 months with 1 date under my belt. Not the outcome I was hoping for, but what this has come to show us all is that the Boston internet dating pool is limited. So I shall return to my weekend activities of day drinking and attending fun events and playing organized sports that I have not dared to play in years and years. But I am hoping by getting myself involved in these fun summer plans to hopefully meet someone! You never know.

I did meet a very nice Canadian boy this weekend, which only further confirmed my love for the country to our north. I have spent substantial time in Canada over the last year for work and I have come to conclude that it is a fantastic country. The food is better there, the beers are bigger, they have fashionable eyeglasses, and apparently the guys are much nicer too. I somehow found myself hanging out with a 30 man Aussie rules football team on Saturday night and we were clearly outnumbered with the 8 girls I was with. I got to talking to Zack who was very cute and we had excellent conversation, not the boring kind or the kind that is just sweet talking you to try to get you to take him home. It haven't had a meaningful conversation like that with an American male in a very long time. He seemed very genuine and it gives me (slight) hope that not every boy is going to break your heart or disappoint you. But alas, he lives in Canada so my dream match with Zach is not feasible. Aren't they always.

I promise to continue my blogging about my other summer adventures, as I was never off the market.

xox,

$L4

$ingle Lady #1 - Meatloaf: Not a replacement for 5th date chicken, but so, so much more...

I've spent a predominantly lazy, largely unsupervised Friday afternoon perusing my newly instated matches. In an effort to entice me to fork over another $120, eHarmz has been continuing to send me my perfect doods since I retired, leaving me with quite a bunch to sift through. Bring on the man of my dreams!

My selective amnesia of my first beginning encounter with eHarmony was jolted back into reality when I realized most of them are still woof, and short woofs at that. However I stumbled across P, 29, another lawyer (for crying out loud) who may be an even bigger soulmate than Original Lawyerboy, despite his penchant for the JFK Air Train (swoon!). I knew right off the bat we'll be in virtual love when his "most important thing he's looking for" is someone who "knows the girl's part to the song I Would Do Anything for Love, by Meatloaf." Honeybun, I've had that down pat since 11th grade. I smell a karaoke-themed date in our future... Reason number two for my immediate internet crush: P is thankful that the Jersey Shore crew is headed for Miami. Heart. Reason number three is a no brainer, he's Canadian. Admitedly a downside on the surface, but dig deeper and you realize Canadians are awesome at beer and hockey (plus and plus), and decidedly not awesome at American Football, so he won't interfere with my Sunday addiction.

I stifled the urge to immediately Fast Track since I have no idea how seasoned of a internet lova he is.

Meanwhile, I'm internet whorishly doling out my Cosmoquiz questions to anyone with a pulse in a new form of summer dating strategy of Ma$$ Quantity.

'til 5 o'clock xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1 - Reconvinced?

Get excited lonely readerz, eHarmony has made me an offer I can't refuse.

Mz F sent my mom who sent me a special code for a discounted membership for $ingle moms... Given that I'm already wanted by the Feds for failing to sign my taxes, I didn't want to push my luck lying to eHarmz about babies and such, but today I received one of my very own. Rejoin for the low low price of $14.95/mo for 3 months. Whoa there WalMart, there are some new rollbacks in town.

I'm pretty sure that's a go. It's the summer, and I need a fun summer fling. Or 12. eHarmz has steadily been sending me matches despite my membership cancellation and the poor blokes have been poking and prodding trying to get me to respond (sorry fellas, I've been burned by the "no photo until you pay us" rule before...).

Cheers to spending the weekend weeding through 138 new matches...about 30 of which have sent me a communication.

xo
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1: Back on the Market

Following in $L#6's footsteps, IMF and I decided to separate last week. Details of the breakup are locked in $ealed record$, but we're releasing a joint statement through our reps that the split was amicable, but that we will not remain friends. Circumstances are external...involving a cross-country move, which is too bad since I really do think we liked each other.

Back in the game, loyal readers, just in time for the fun and flirty $ummer months! Unfortunately, eHarmz subscription ran out during my dating pha$e, so I'll have to turn to more traditional forms of lurking for men.

With my quarter-century looming in about a month, bring on savethedating?

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady $nooze

I took a page from the $ingle lady #2 and employed the fun and sassy question of "tell me about a word or phrase that you have made up and tell me the meaning of it."

Kyle had some potential and I have been engaging in the slow process of moving through the stages of communication, as I am trying to make the most of the last few weeks of this mostly disappointing membership. Also trying to up my ROI. Tonight I checked in on my account was excited to read the responses to my, what I thought, very important questions.

However, I was NOT impressed, bored, and frankly angry with Kyle's responses. It seemed like he was irritated that I was even inquiring. I mean answering endless rounds of questions can get annoying on eHarmz, don't get me wrong. But you are PAYING MONEY for this membership. Put some effort into it or else you won't get anything out of it.

I may be reading into things too much, but see below at Kyle's $nooze-worthy answers to my questions:

Tell me about a phrase/saying/word that you have made up and tell me the meaning of it. I really do not have any phrase or saying that I have made up. I don't think that I even have a phrase I am overly fond of using. Sorry about this one, but I just do not have an answer.

Looking back on your life, of what are you most proud? Probably getting my master's degree. I did not understand when I started it how much work I would put into it.

Why did you join eHarmony? Basically, to meet more people than I was in my daily life.

He is a ROBOT. I think I will wait the obligatory 2 days to close this one. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

xox,
$L4

$ingle Lady #6: Checking in

I have a date on Monday with C, 25, paralegal. So far he's been incredibly inquisitive and nice, and I look forward to meeting him. I feel like such a pro, I'm barely even nervous anymore. I gots nothin' to lose! I am still waiting for S, 25, engineer to finally ask me out, but we've so far just been exchanging novel-like e-mails with lots of personal get-to-know you info. It's time for him to ask me out before my gmail server maxes out.

Here's hoping I follow through on my promise to kick my date's butt at $kee ball,
$L6

$ingle Lady #4 and the Art of the Text Message

I've come to the realization recently how much effort goes into a text message. You only get 160 characters to express what you are or are not trying to say. You want to make the message concise, not too lengthy, keeping the TMI to a minimum, but also keeping mysterious just enough to ensure a reciprocal text.

Case in point, my friend C (who reads this blog, hi!) whom I made a love connection for some time ago now. Well her and her male friend have continued to stay in touch, however they engage in the ever-so-fun Friday/Saturday night text message routine of "are you going out tonight?" Which everyone knows is code for "what bar are you going to be at so I can conveniently be there when the bar closes in the hopes we may go home together."

Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to have a consistent male companion in my life right now. However, I have learned first hand that this text game is EXHAUSTING. Since the said male companion, we will call him Bill, was a friend of mine from college, she will consult with me on the protocol on the Friday/Saturday night text. Should I send him a text? Should I go out to the bar he is at? What should I say next?

Here is the guide to texting (to lead to potential sexting) according to $L#4:

Rule 1 - As girls, we cannot seem TOO eager to jump in the next cab you hail from the street and show up at the bar he is at. As such, appear aloof in your text message and undecided about plans. That way this keeps him guessing as to if you are going to show up and secure the cab ride/walk home bar close routine.

Rule 2 - We are allowed to initiate the weekend text first, however if the girl consistently initiates the text, then there is something else going on. The male then becomes dependent and just assumes that he can get in your pants whenever he decides to send that SMS your way. Take turns on the initiating and if he continues to initiate after you do, then you've really got yourself a potential male friend in the works.

Rule 3 - Drunk texting happens. Let's just be serious with this one.

Rule 4 - Be spontaneous and invite him to the bar YOU are going to. If he shows up with friends, he gets some points. If he shows up alone, MAJOR points. Unless he has ulterior motives and is on a one-man mission for a booty call. and finally....

Rule 5 - DON'T OVERTHINK. No matter how many times your friends proofread your text for the right 'connotations,' chances are the guy will not read into it too much. He will probably just read it and be like "yes! she is coming to the bar to meet up" or he will read your aloof text and become even more intrigued to know where you are hanging out that night.

$ingle lady #2: repeat offender?

One of my recent matches Bruce says "I am passionate about doing everything I can to help my girlfriend (if I have one of course) or make her feel loved and special" (Before you think he's way too lame, he did list some actual goals before this statement).

I'm sure this was just thrown in there to show that he's a super-attentive boyfriend, etc. etc. But this type of attitude perplexes me. It does not make me feel special, or that he would treat me like I am special. It makes me feel like he treats every girl the same, no matter who she is. It's a nice senitment but I still like to think that you make someone feel loved because you love that individual person, so your actions come naturally. Saying that, once you fill in the girlfriend blank with your new eH match, you will do everything you can to make her feel loved, is weird to me. Don't you have to decide if you love her first??

But, thinking about my own actions, I realize that I too, use all the same moves with every guy I like (maybe even my own D.E.N.N.I.S system?). First they will see I like golf! And guns! And trucks! Then, look, I like to cook and be girly and wear makeup and heels too! And I am a Republican who will do your dishes! And so it goes as I create my 'perfect woman' image. But, clearly, my moves aren't working. They might for a while, but not in terms of any long-term effect. So am I supposed to change up my system? Or would that mean changing who I am? That's scary because frankly, I don't have any other moves. I don't like kids or saving the whales or bunnies or Priuses.

So, you go Bruce. Work your B.R.U.C.E. system. Shower your new girlfriend with love and affection and make her feel special. Even if it's the same love with which you showered your last three girlfriends.

Well, that was weird

So, even though my (now ex) IMF and I had a date tomorrow night, he texted me at 9 tonight with the ever-ominous "hey, can you give me a call when you get a chance?" At the encouragement of roomie, I called immediately to get it over with. I felt like something was off all week, but he confirmed my suspicions with the craziest and most-awkward phone convo ever, in which he said he "tried to give me a chance," cuz I'm a "great girl," but he "just wasn't feeling it." So I did the mature, big-girl thing of saying "That's OK, thanks for being honest, bye!" And quickly hung up the phone.

That was weird. But I've learned a lot! (1) Not everyone you date turns into a relationship. (2) When your gut tells you something's off, you're probably right. (3) It's important to keep an open mind and date different kinds of people that may not be "your type" at a first glance. (4) You can't take it personally, even though it feels very personal. Everyone's in this to meet someone, and not every match is The Match. Eharmony commercials are not real life. And online dating is decidedly NOT like prom dress shopping, after all.

But here's the good thing about eharm: I had some real-world, fun dates, and now there are six other people who are communicating with me, and 25 matches in my folder, and five more delivered each day. I've got about a month left, and I intend to make the most of it. As roomie CK says, "now you can do whatever you want this weekend!" and as $L2 says, "Boys are retarded." I agree.

Here's to David, physician, 29,
$L6

$ingle Lady #4 - Final Countdown

One month left and I think I have officially exhausted the Boston dating pool. So like the other $ingle ladiez I will now blog about my opinions on dating and boys.

First though, a recap of the most recent eharmz escapades. Inspired by the other $Ls, I did a full out inventory of my matches and (attempted) to strike up communication with the ones I deemed to be acceptable in order to make the most of the remainder of this experience. Either these matches do not check their account or they have died. I think I maybe have heard back from 3 of them? I got nudged by one today, which COMPLETELY irritated me. Just because I am not religiously checking my account like you are does not mean you need to click that giant orange button to nudge me. I have decided I may make him hang on one more day before he gets closed.

Here are some recent true love matches:

Occupation:specail skills (spelling please.)

The three things which matthew is most thankful for:
- caring
- kindness
- how much time i spend with her (HUH?)

The three things which devin is most thankful for: (note how many he actually lists)
- i guess xbox 360 and medical cannabis
- thats tough i look for some much its hard to say witch one is most importent

The things devin can't live without are: this rediculous world we live in (lord please help me.)

The last book devin read and enjoyed: buddhism for dummys the dahli lamma is always so happy most be some thing to it (i dont even know what to say.)

$L6 obviously plans a fatty date

So last night it was my turn to plan a date with my IMF: at my suggestions we went to get burgers at Big Buns and then blizzards at DQ (which, btw, is having an anniversary celebration: buy one blizzard, get the second for a quarter [thanks for the heads up, $L5!]).

We're getting more comfortable with each other, and it's really easy breezy---the way it should be in the beginning, I think. He makes me laugh and teases me in just the right ways to bug me but be adorable, and the way his smile lights up his face is starting to light up mine. (EWWWW gross!) At the end of the date he affirmed that my idea was great and he had tons of fun. Score one for meat patties and butterfinger blizzards! They shall never fail me.

In other news, I had a dream (nightmare) last night that I was meeting up in Paris for a date with edamame boy. I thought I was supposed to be meeting my IMF but then the other guy showed up and I cried. Wah.

That's all I got! Isn't my dating life so boring?

Keepin' it real,
$L6

$L#1 agrees with $L#2, and has found her a $olution

Samesies for me. Now you'll just get my random pontifications on life in general. However, before I totally step off dating see the below.

http://www.savethedating.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1&Itemid=2

Save the Date(ing), a successful California- and New York-based social-networking group for singles aged 25-40, is coming to Washington, DC. Become a member, and you'll gain instant access to fun monthly singles events like Pizza Making 101 and squash lessons. An equal ratio of guys to girls is maintained. Membership starts at $250 for three months. There are plans to expand the program to other cities like Boston, Philly, Miami, and Chicago.
- thank you, $tar Magazine

What a fantastic, very $L#2-sounding idea! Prepster-inspired events like cigar-rolling, sailing 101, and "putting the sexy back in ceramics" make this sound like a totally ideal mate-seeking situation.

Keeping back pocket for when that tax refund check comes in...

xo,
$L#1

$ingle lady #2 and eWhatever

Hello friends. What's new? It looks like some of the $L's have either died or found boyfriends. But I don't want our blog to die! But I also don't want to talk to anyone on eHarmony anymore. What to do, what to do.

I've still been checking up on my matches to make sure I'm not missing out on any SP's, but I haven't seen any. Pretty much an overall yawn. And I'm pretty sure it's because my heart's just not in it. I'd rather go shopping after work than keep attending drunken blind dates, or dance to Justin Bieber with my $L or non-$L friends on the weekends. Maybe it's the weather? On a chilly winter afternoon you want someone with whom you can snuggle on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa. On a breezy spring afternoon, I'd rather play kickball on the National Mall with 25 guys. Whee!

So, do you mind if I just keep blogging about my opinions on girls and boys? If you said yes, too bad because I can't hear you and I'm going to do it anyway. My thoughts lately have been about these ke$ha lyrics: "you must be blind if you can't see you'll miss me till the day you die" (Right? Did you know ke$ha was so deep? I recommend buying the album immediately). We girls say/think crap like this. We console our friends post-breakup by saying "He doesn't know how to accept love! He'll die alone!" "He'll realize that he made a big mistake!"

But the fact is, this probably isn't true. I mean, we liked this boy at some point, for some reason. And it's pretty silly to think that another girl won't come along and like him for the same reasons. And she'll probably have boobs so he'll probably like her back. Every day I look around on the metro, or on TV or in songs and people are loving each other and wearing wedding rings and producing more miniature people. So I suppose when you want to start loving and getting married and producing miniature people, it can't be too hard to find some sucker to come along for the ride.

Yay romance!

$L#2

$L6 cooks chicken and compares men to prom dresses

At the encouragement of my friends to strive for a healthy ROI from my eharmony experience, I decided to meet one of the other early eharmony contenders for drinks this week. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking that eharmony is like prom dress shopping ---- even when you find one you really like, you should continue trying on other dresses just to be sure. You'll likely buy the first one you tried on, but still.

I met the new guy at a bar in a mall, and immediately noticed some height fudging on his end---I'm short, was in flats, and we were about the same height. Also, he stuck his hand out, and I went in for the awkward hug, and it started things off feeling kind of weird.

We each ordered two drinks, and I quickly learned he doesn't like sports or watch too much TV. Um, he doesn't like sports. [Incidentally, I asked my other IMF last night what he thought of boys who don't like sportst. His response: "Gay."] I also learned that he likes Bud Light Wheat and enjoys ordering edamame in bars (which he did at 10:30 p.m.). All in all, I won't give away too many dirty details in order to protect the innocent, but it was just bland. I thought the date was over, but returned from the bathroom to see he was dining on beans, and then we lasted another hour or so before I politely declined his offer for a ride home and walked back from the mall. I got no follow up yesterday so I can imagine he felt the same way I did.

On paper, this should have worked, because he has a lot of qualities I usually look for. In reality it was as bland as unsalted pretzels and as fulfilling as a single cube of fat-free cheese. Halfway through, I texted my other IMF, so I think that's all the signs I need.

Meanwhile, last night was my 5th date with IMF, and I fittingly made my 5th date chicken. He raved, enjoyed, cleaned his plate, thanked me 50 times, and ate with exceptional table manners (swoon!). He also fawned over my cheesecake appropriately and brought me beer. Clearly, this is working.

Never order edamame at a bar,
$ "So I'm sitting at the $ingles table at this wedding on $aturday but I'm maybe not so $ingle?" L6

$ingle Lady #1: Clarifying Point...

Clarifying point due to questions....Lawyerboy is not "off the table" as in "out of my life." He's just off limits to blog about.

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady #1: I'm back!!!

Don't worry loyal readers, I won't leave you out in the cold just yet.

With IMF solidly off the table, my blogging experience has to be limited to the other $ketchy things that happen in my life. Let's begin with $peed Dating!

So long ago and far away, on the eve of April Fools, I journey to a land called Murray Hill with some $keptical co-workers and friends to try our hand at $peed Dating. Much like internet dating, it's a phenomenon nation-wide that is largely misunderstood, and I wish I could say, mis-hated-on. Unfortunately, every stereotype you can imagine for $peed daters is totally true. It was really a bunch of misfits who had to awkwardly sit opposite each other and talk about the same thing every 4 minutes for 2 hours. True to form, there were wayyy more women than men (which prompted them to offer me a free future session to compensate...score!), the men were wayyy older and woofer than men in the Real World, and the air reeked of desperation. Sure, we were there too...label us as you will, but of the 10ish men I "dated" that night, zero came in as a "yes."

The format is simple. Women sit in one place all night. This is key for the waitress to be able to find you to constantly refill your bevvie. Men switch every 4 minutes. We were an intimidating bunch, 5 of us in a row, and the men braved it nicely. In the span of those 4 minutes my first "date" mentioned the words "murder," "pedophile," and "drug dealer." Friend J (his next...victim?) immediately circled "N" (no interest) before he even got a chance to open his mouth to her. Date #3 high-fived me 4 times in 4 minutes. Excellent ratio, and almost scored him a "Y" (as in...yes, I'd like to pursue you further). Date #7 and I had the makings of a nasty fight about the Dove Self-Esteem Fund until the whistle blew and saved us (he was a Victoria's Secret graphic designer...I obviously felt the need to defend Real women everywhere). N, N, N, N, N, N, you get the picture. Particularly flattering was a foreign gentleman who spoke no English and required just a polite head-nod to encourage him to continue talking in gibberish for the entire 4 minutes. The only line I caught was as he sat down, he looked me up and down and mumbled "Yes, definitely Yes." Eww.

What a drag, but fortunately the pre-$peed dating shots kicked in early and we stayed to hang out as a group for a bit. Still no date potential but it was better than the awkward between-whistle made up conversation we'd been having. After several more drinks at our own private "after party" across the street, I convinced IMF to meet me for a late night drink at a different bar where I immediately confessed where I'd been in an effort to make him a little jealous.

Curiosity killed my cat and I actually checked out my profile the next day. I'm flattered to report that 5 dudes "Yes-ed" me to the next round (including the creepy foreign man! And my high-fiver!!). Also confirmed what I already knew...that they were all older than the "max age limit" which thereby totally justified that we had to lie and age ourselves up to be able to go.

Overall $peed Dating as a potential matchmaking opportunity? Not a chance. You're better off sidling up to that $exy $tranger on the Metro...

xo,
$L#1

$ingle lady #4 follows up

As $ingle lady #2 so cleverly pointed out, eHarmz is also now manipulating my quiz results in order to make me end up with the Boston Leo. FML.

$ingle lady #4 - Who is your celeb match?

eHarmz is starting to feel bad for me and is sending me various quizzes to take so I can better align my interests with potential matches. I received one the other day titled, "Who is your Celeb Match?" While this sounded like one of those lame email chain quizzes I used to take in 7th grade, I was atleast curious to see what the result turned out.

Similar to 7th grade and the days of Titanic, I should be still pining after:

Leonardo DiCaprio

You and Leo are both romantic, loyal, socially conscious and very cool!

So recap: update my profile to say that I am loyal, socially conscious, and very cool. And say that I am only interested in romantic, loyal, socially conscious and very cool men.

$ingle lady #2: places I want to meet men other than the internet...

...but don't know how:

#1. Running on Rock Creek Parkway - as soon as the weather hits 60 degrees, RCP is filled with runners and bikers and I finally feel like maybe I'm not in danger of getting raped by a creep hiding in the woods. And you know what? A lot of these runners/bikers are slampieces. Running without shirts, running with rippling abs and chiseled quads that make me melt. But, how would I ever speak to one? "Hey! (pant) You're cute! (pant)" Oh and he's already long gone, running away at 10mph while I chug along at 6. "'Kay see ya 'roundddd!" Fail.

#2. Metro - there are many cute boys on the metro but I'm severely opposed to metro chatting unless you are my friend and we would chat in real life.

#3. Grocery store - especially when I used to live in Arlington, it was like a SPF (slampiece festival) at the local Harris Teets. The problem there is that 80% of the time the SP that catches your eye is with his live-in girlfriend.

I suppose if I really want to meet someone in public I'll have to start being friendly, smiling and initiating conversations with strangers. This is definitely not going to happen because I hate all of those things and am from NJ and prefer to walk with the bitchiest look possible on my face. While I may not attract potential matches, at least tourists are not tempted to ask me "where the zoo's at?"