At the encouragement of my friends to strive for a healthy ROI from my eharmony experience, I decided to meet one of the other early eharmony contenders for drinks this week. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking that eharmony is like prom dress shopping ---- even when you find one you really like, you should continue trying on other dresses just to be sure. You'll likely buy the first one you tried on, but still.
I met the new guy at a bar in a mall, and immediately noticed some height fudging on his end---I'm short, was in flats, and we were about the same height. Also, he stuck his hand out, and I went in for the awkward hug, and it started things off feeling kind of weird.
We each ordered two drinks, and I quickly learned he doesn't like sports or watch too much TV. Um, he doesn't like sports. [Incidentally, I asked my other IMF last night what he thought of boys who don't like sportst. His response: "Gay."] I also learned that he likes Bud Light Wheat and enjoys ordering edamame in bars (which he did at 10:30 p.m.). All in all, I won't give away too many dirty details in order to protect the innocent, but it was just bland. I thought the date was over, but returned from the bathroom to see he was dining on beans, and then we lasted another hour or so before I politely declined his offer for a ride home and walked back from the mall. I got no follow up yesterday so I can imagine he felt the same way I did.
On paper, this should have worked, because he has a lot of qualities I usually look for. In reality it was as bland as unsalted pretzels and as fulfilling as a single cube of fat-free cheese. Halfway through, I texted my other IMF, so I think that's all the signs I need.
Meanwhile, last night was my 5th date with IMF, and I fittingly made my 5th date chicken. He raved, enjoyed, cleaned his plate, thanked me 50 times, and ate with exceptional table manners (swoon!). He also fawned over my cheesecake appropriately and brought me beer. Clearly, this is working.
Never order edamame at a bar,
$ "So I'm sitting at the $ingles table at this wedding on $aturday but I'm maybe not so $ingle?" L6
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
$ingle Lady #1: Clarifying Point...
Clarifying point due to questions....Lawyerboy is not "off the table" as in "out of my life." He's just off limits to blog about.
xo,
$L#1
xo,
$L#1
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
$ingle Lady #1: I'm back!!!
Don't worry loyal readers, I won't leave you out in the cold just yet.
With IMF solidly off the table, my blogging experience has to be limited to the other $ketchy things that happen in my life. Let's begin with $peed Dating!
So long ago and far away, on the eve of April Fools, I journey to a land called Murray Hill with some $keptical co-workers and friends to try our hand at $peed Dating. Much like internet dating, it's a phenomenon nation-wide that is largely misunderstood, and I wish I could say, mis-hated-on. Unfortunately, every stereotype you can imagine for $peed daters is totally true. It was really a bunch of misfits who had to awkwardly sit opposite each other and talk about the same thing every 4 minutes for 2 hours. True to form, there were wayyy more women than men (which prompted them to offer me a free future session to compensate...score!), the men were wayyy older and woofer than men in the Real World, and the air reeked of desperation. Sure, we were there too...label us as you will, but of the 10ish men I "dated" that night, zero came in as a "yes."
The format is simple. Women sit in one place all night. This is key for the waitress to be able to find you to constantly refill your bevvie. Men switch every 4 minutes. We were an intimidating bunch, 5 of us in a row, and the men braved it nicely. In the span of those 4 minutes my first "date" mentioned the words "murder," "pedophile," and "drug dealer." Friend J (his next...victim?) immediately circled "N" (no interest) before he even got a chance to open his mouth to her. Date #3 high-fived me 4 times in 4 minutes. Excellent ratio, and almost scored him a "Y" (as in...yes, I'd like to pursue you further). Date #7 and I had the makings of a nasty fight about the Dove Self-Esteem Fund until the whistle blew and saved us (he was a Victoria's Secret graphic designer...I obviously felt the need to defend Real women everywhere). N, N, N, N, N, N, you get the picture. Particularly flattering was a foreign gentleman who spoke no English and required just a polite head-nod to encourage him to continue talking in gibberish for the entire 4 minutes. The only line I caught was as he sat down, he looked me up and down and mumbled "Yes, definitely Yes." Eww.
What a drag, but fortunately the pre-$peed dating shots kicked in early and we stayed to hang out as a group for a bit. Still no date potential but it was better than the awkward between-whistle made up conversation we'd been having. After several more drinks at our own private "after party" across the street, I convinced IMF to meet me for a late night drink at a different bar where I immediately confessed where I'd been in an effort to make him a little jealous.
Curiosity killed my cat and I actually checked out my profile the next day. I'm flattered to report that 5 dudes "Yes-ed" me to the next round (including the creepy foreign man! And my high-fiver!!). Also confirmed what I already knew...that they were all older than the "max age limit" which thereby totally justified that we had to lie and age ourselves up to be able to go.
Overall $peed Dating as a potential matchmaking opportunity? Not a chance. You're better off sidling up to that $exy $tranger on the Metro...
xo,
$L#1
With IMF solidly off the table, my blogging experience has to be limited to the other $ketchy things that happen in my life. Let's begin with $peed Dating!
So long ago and far away, on the eve of April Fools, I journey to a land called Murray Hill with some $keptical co-workers and friends to try our hand at $peed Dating. Much like internet dating, it's a phenomenon nation-wide that is largely misunderstood, and I wish I could say, mis-hated-on. Unfortunately, every stereotype you can imagine for $peed daters is totally true. It was really a bunch of misfits who had to awkwardly sit opposite each other and talk about the same thing every 4 minutes for 2 hours. True to form, there were wayyy more women than men (which prompted them to offer me a free future session to compensate...score!), the men were wayyy older and woofer than men in the Real World, and the air reeked of desperation. Sure, we were there too...label us as you will, but of the 10ish men I "dated" that night, zero came in as a "yes."
The format is simple. Women sit in one place all night. This is key for the waitress to be able to find you to constantly refill your bevvie. Men switch every 4 minutes. We were an intimidating bunch, 5 of us in a row, and the men braved it nicely. In the span of those 4 minutes my first "date" mentioned the words "murder," "pedophile," and "drug dealer." Friend J (his next...victim?) immediately circled "N" (no interest) before he even got a chance to open his mouth to her. Date #3 high-fived me 4 times in 4 minutes. Excellent ratio, and almost scored him a "Y" (as in...yes, I'd like to pursue you further). Date #7 and I had the makings of a nasty fight about the Dove Self-Esteem Fund until the whistle blew and saved us (he was a Victoria's Secret graphic designer...I obviously felt the need to defend Real women everywhere). N, N, N, N, N, N, you get the picture. Particularly flattering was a foreign gentleman who spoke no English and required just a polite head-nod to encourage him to continue talking in gibberish for the entire 4 minutes. The only line I caught was as he sat down, he looked me up and down and mumbled "Yes, definitely Yes." Eww.
What a drag, but fortunately the pre-$peed dating shots kicked in early and we stayed to hang out as a group for a bit. Still no date potential but it was better than the awkward between-whistle made up conversation we'd been having. After several more drinks at our own private "after party" across the street, I convinced IMF to meet me for a late night drink at a different bar where I immediately confessed where I'd been in an effort to make him a little jealous.
Curiosity killed my cat and I actually checked out my profile the next day. I'm flattered to report that 5 dudes "Yes-ed" me to the next round (including the creepy foreign man! And my high-fiver!!). Also confirmed what I already knew...that they were all older than the "max age limit" which thereby totally justified that we had to lie and age ourselves up to be able to go.
Overall $peed Dating as a potential matchmaking opportunity? Not a chance. You're better off sidling up to that $exy $tranger on the Metro...
xo,
$L#1
Friday, April 9, 2010
$ingle lady #4 follows up
As $ingle lady #2 so cleverly pointed out, eHarmz is also now manipulating my quiz results in order to make me end up with the Boston Leo. FML.
$ingle lady #4 - Who is your celeb match?
eHarmz is starting to feel bad for me and is sending me various quizzes to take so I can better align my interests with potential matches. I received one the other day titled, "Who is your Celeb Match?" While this sounded like one of those lame email chain quizzes I used to take in 7th grade, I was atleast curious to see what the result turned out.
Similar to 7th grade and the days of Titanic, I should be still pining after:
Leonardo DiCaprio
You and Leo are both romantic, loyal, socially conscious and very cool!
So recap: update my profile to say that I am loyal, socially conscious, and very cool. And say that I am only interested in romantic, loyal, socially conscious and very cool men.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
$ingle lady #2: places I want to meet men other than the internet...
...but don't know how:
#1. Running on Rock Creek Parkway - as soon as the weather hits 60 degrees, RCP is filled with runners and bikers and I finally feel like maybe I'm not in danger of getting raped by a creep hiding in the woods. And you know what? A lot of these runners/bikers are slampieces. Running without shirts, running with rippling abs and chiseled quads that make me melt. But, how would I ever speak to one? "Hey! (pant) You're cute! (pant)" Oh and he's already long gone, running away at 10mph while I chug along at 6. "'Kay see ya 'roundddd!" Fail.
#2. Metro - there are many cute boys on the metro but I'm severely opposed to metro chatting unless you are my friend and we would chat in real life.
#3. Grocery store - especially when I used to live in Arlington, it was like a SPF (slampiece festival) at the local Harris Teets. The problem there is that 80% of the time the SP that catches your eye is with his live-in girlfriend.
I suppose if I really want to meet someone in public I'll have to start being friendly, smiling and initiating conversations with strangers. This is definitely not going to happen because I hate all of those things and am from NJ and prefer to walk with the bitchiest look possible on my face. While I may not attract potential matches, at least tourists are not tempted to ask me "where the zoo's at?"
#1. Running on Rock Creek Parkway - as soon as the weather hits 60 degrees, RCP is filled with runners and bikers and I finally feel like maybe I'm not in danger of getting raped by a creep hiding in the woods. And you know what? A lot of these runners/bikers are slampieces. Running without shirts, running with rippling abs and chiseled quads that make me melt. But, how would I ever speak to one? "Hey! (pant) You're cute! (pant)" Oh and he's already long gone, running away at 10mph while I chug along at 6. "'Kay see ya 'roundddd!" Fail.
#2. Metro - there are many cute boys on the metro but I'm severely opposed to metro chatting unless you are my friend and we would chat in real life.
#3. Grocery store - especially when I used to live in Arlington, it was like a SPF (slampiece festival) at the local Harris Teets. The problem there is that 80% of the time the SP that catches your eye is with his live-in girlfriend.
I suppose if I really want to meet someone in public I'll have to start being friendly, smiling and initiating conversations with strangers. This is definitely not going to happen because I hate all of those things and am from NJ and prefer to walk with the bitchiest look possible on my face. While I may not attract potential matches, at least tourists are not tempted to ask me "where the zoo's at?"
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
maybe the eH customer care rep wants to take out $ingle lady #2
I called eH ready to crack some $kullz over my $96 charge when I'd rather be a quitter. But then the dude was all nice and didn't really give me a chance to be mean and gave me two options one of which gave me back $57 and I still get one more month of membership. So fine, y'all are stuck with me for another month.
The nice man on the phone asked why I wanted to stop - perhaps I needed to ajdust my settings to get some more communication? And I was like, no, I'm just writing a blog and need to spend my money on these awesome Frye wedges I just found online instead and I hate love and have no interest in pretending to look for it any longer. Okay, I didn't say that. I just said "it's not a problem with communication (read: I'm soooo cool and everyone wants to talk to me), for personal reasons I no longer wish to continue" and he said "I understand."
But then at the end he says "I'd like to compliment you on your profile; for your remaining months maybe if you answered more of the About me questions you'd get more communication." So now I know he's clearly reading about my cheese obsession and thinking um you're a freak good thing you're cancelling.
So, onward I blog for 30 more days. Also, I logged in today, and Brooks Brothers tie has closed me! To everyone who was concerned for the tie - other than his initial statement about wanting it back he really hasn't made much of an attempt. So I plan to wear it as a cool belt or regift it to my dad for Father's Day.
-$L#2
The nice man on the phone asked why I wanted to stop - perhaps I needed to ajdust my settings to get some more communication? And I was like, no, I'm just writing a blog and need to spend my money on these awesome Frye wedges I just found online instead and I hate love and have no interest in pretending to look for it any longer. Okay, I didn't say that. I just said "it's not a problem with communication (read: I'm soooo cool and everyone wants to talk to me), for personal reasons I no longer wish to continue" and he said "I understand."
But then at the end he says "I'd like to compliment you on your profile; for your remaining months maybe if you answered more of the About me questions you'd get more communication." So now I know he's clearly reading about my cheese obsession and thinking um you're a freak good thing you're cancelling.
So, onward I blog for 30 more days. Also, I logged in today, and Brooks Brothers tie has closed me! To everyone who was concerned for the tie - other than his initial statement about wanting it back he really hasn't made much of an attempt. So I plan to wear it as a cool belt or regift it to my dad for Father's Day.
-$L#2
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)