$ingle Lady #4 and the Art of the Text Message

I've come to the realization recently how much effort goes into a text message. You only get 160 characters to express what you are or are not trying to say. You want to make the message concise, not too lengthy, keeping the TMI to a minimum, but also keeping mysterious just enough to ensure a reciprocal text.

Case in point, my friend C (who reads this blog, hi!) whom I made a love connection for some time ago now. Well her and her male friend have continued to stay in touch, however they engage in the ever-so-fun Friday/Saturday night text message routine of "are you going out tonight?" Which everyone knows is code for "what bar are you going to be at so I can conveniently be there when the bar closes in the hopes we may go home together."

Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to have a consistent male companion in my life right now. However, I have learned first hand that this text game is EXHAUSTING. Since the said male companion, we will call him Bill, was a friend of mine from college, she will consult with me on the protocol on the Friday/Saturday night text. Should I send him a text? Should I go out to the bar he is at? What should I say next?

Here is the guide to texting (to lead to potential sexting) according to $L#4:

Rule 1 - As girls, we cannot seem TOO eager to jump in the next cab you hail from the street and show up at the bar he is at. As such, appear aloof in your text message and undecided about plans. That way this keeps him guessing as to if you are going to show up and secure the cab ride/walk home bar close routine.

Rule 2 - We are allowed to initiate the weekend text first, however if the girl consistently initiates the text, then there is something else going on. The male then becomes dependent and just assumes that he can get in your pants whenever he decides to send that SMS your way. Take turns on the initiating and if he continues to initiate after you do, then you've really got yourself a potential male friend in the works.

Rule 3 - Drunk texting happens. Let's just be serious with this one.

Rule 4 - Be spontaneous and invite him to the bar YOU are going to. If he shows up with friends, he gets some points. If he shows up alone, MAJOR points. Unless he has ulterior motives and is on a one-man mission for a booty call. and finally....

Rule 5 - DON'T OVERTHINK. No matter how many times your friends proofread your text for the right 'connotations,' chances are the guy will not read into it too much. He will probably just read it and be like "yes! she is coming to the bar to meet up" or he will read your aloof text and become even more intrigued to know where you are hanging out that night.

$ingle lady #2: repeat offender?

One of my recent matches Bruce says "I am passionate about doing everything I can to help my girlfriend (if I have one of course) or make her feel loved and special" (Before you think he's way too lame, he did list some actual goals before this statement).

I'm sure this was just thrown in there to show that he's a super-attentive boyfriend, etc. etc. But this type of attitude perplexes me. It does not make me feel special, or that he would treat me like I am special. It makes me feel like he treats every girl the same, no matter who she is. It's a nice senitment but I still like to think that you make someone feel loved because you love that individual person, so your actions come naturally. Saying that, once you fill in the girlfriend blank with your new eH match, you will do everything you can to make her feel loved, is weird to me. Don't you have to decide if you love her first??

But, thinking about my own actions, I realize that I too, use all the same moves with every guy I like (maybe even my own D.E.N.N.I.S system?). First they will see I like golf! And guns! And trucks! Then, look, I like to cook and be girly and wear makeup and heels too! And I am a Republican who will do your dishes! And so it goes as I create my 'perfect woman' image. But, clearly, my moves aren't working. They might for a while, but not in terms of any long-term effect. So am I supposed to change up my system? Or would that mean changing who I am? That's scary because frankly, I don't have any other moves. I don't like kids or saving the whales or bunnies or Priuses.

So, you go Bruce. Work your B.R.U.C.E. system. Shower your new girlfriend with love and affection and make her feel special. Even if it's the same love with which you showered your last three girlfriends.

Well, that was weird

So, even though my (now ex) IMF and I had a date tomorrow night, he texted me at 9 tonight with the ever-ominous "hey, can you give me a call when you get a chance?" At the encouragement of roomie, I called immediately to get it over with. I felt like something was off all week, but he confirmed my suspicions with the craziest and most-awkward phone convo ever, in which he said he "tried to give me a chance," cuz I'm a "great girl," but he "just wasn't feeling it." So I did the mature, big-girl thing of saying "That's OK, thanks for being honest, bye!" And quickly hung up the phone.

That was weird. But I've learned a lot! (1) Not everyone you date turns into a relationship. (2) When your gut tells you something's off, you're probably right. (3) It's important to keep an open mind and date different kinds of people that may not be "your type" at a first glance. (4) You can't take it personally, even though it feels very personal. Everyone's in this to meet someone, and not every match is The Match. Eharmony commercials are not real life. And online dating is decidedly NOT like prom dress shopping, after all.

But here's the good thing about eharm: I had some real-world, fun dates, and now there are six other people who are communicating with me, and 25 matches in my folder, and five more delivered each day. I've got about a month left, and I intend to make the most of it. As roomie CK says, "now you can do whatever you want this weekend!" and as $L2 says, "Boys are retarded." I agree.

Here's to David, physician, 29,
$L6

$ingle Lady #4 - Final Countdown

One month left and I think I have officially exhausted the Boston dating pool. So like the other $ingle ladiez I will now blog about my opinions on dating and boys.

First though, a recap of the most recent eharmz escapades. Inspired by the other $Ls, I did a full out inventory of my matches and (attempted) to strike up communication with the ones I deemed to be acceptable in order to make the most of the remainder of this experience. Either these matches do not check their account or they have died. I think I maybe have heard back from 3 of them? I got nudged by one today, which COMPLETELY irritated me. Just because I am not religiously checking my account like you are does not mean you need to click that giant orange button to nudge me. I have decided I may make him hang on one more day before he gets closed.

Here are some recent true love matches:

Occupation:specail skills (spelling please.)

The three things which matthew is most thankful for:
- caring
- kindness
- how much time i spend with her (HUH?)

The three things which devin is most thankful for: (note how many he actually lists)
- i guess xbox 360 and medical cannabis
- thats tough i look for some much its hard to say witch one is most importent

The things devin can't live without are: this rediculous world we live in (lord please help me.)

The last book devin read and enjoyed: buddhism for dummys the dahli lamma is always so happy most be some thing to it (i dont even know what to say.)

$L6 obviously plans a fatty date

So last night it was my turn to plan a date with my IMF: at my suggestions we went to get burgers at Big Buns and then blizzards at DQ (which, btw, is having an anniversary celebration: buy one blizzard, get the second for a quarter [thanks for the heads up, $L5!]).

We're getting more comfortable with each other, and it's really easy breezy---the way it should be in the beginning, I think. He makes me laugh and teases me in just the right ways to bug me but be adorable, and the way his smile lights up his face is starting to light up mine. (EWWWW gross!) At the end of the date he affirmed that my idea was great and he had tons of fun. Score one for meat patties and butterfinger blizzards! They shall never fail me.

In other news, I had a dream (nightmare) last night that I was meeting up in Paris for a date with edamame boy. I thought I was supposed to be meeting my IMF but then the other guy showed up and I cried. Wah.

That's all I got! Isn't my dating life so boring?

Keepin' it real,
$L6

$L#1 agrees with $L#2, and has found her a $olution

Samesies for me. Now you'll just get my random pontifications on life in general. However, before I totally step off dating see the below.

http://www.savethedating.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1&Itemid=2

Save the Date(ing), a successful California- and New York-based social-networking group for singles aged 25-40, is coming to Washington, DC. Become a member, and you'll gain instant access to fun monthly singles events like Pizza Making 101 and squash lessons. An equal ratio of guys to girls is maintained. Membership starts at $250 for three months. There are plans to expand the program to other cities like Boston, Philly, Miami, and Chicago.
- thank you, $tar Magazine

What a fantastic, very $L#2-sounding idea! Prepster-inspired events like cigar-rolling, sailing 101, and "putting the sexy back in ceramics" make this sound like a totally ideal mate-seeking situation.

Keeping back pocket for when that tax refund check comes in...

xo,
$L#1

$ingle lady #2 and eWhatever

Hello friends. What's new? It looks like some of the $L's have either died or found boyfriends. But I don't want our blog to die! But I also don't want to talk to anyone on eHarmony anymore. What to do, what to do.

I've still been checking up on my matches to make sure I'm not missing out on any SP's, but I haven't seen any. Pretty much an overall yawn. And I'm pretty sure it's because my heart's just not in it. I'd rather go shopping after work than keep attending drunken blind dates, or dance to Justin Bieber with my $L or non-$L friends on the weekends. Maybe it's the weather? On a chilly winter afternoon you want someone with whom you can snuggle on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa. On a breezy spring afternoon, I'd rather play kickball on the National Mall with 25 guys. Whee!

So, do you mind if I just keep blogging about my opinions on girls and boys? If you said yes, too bad because I can't hear you and I'm going to do it anyway. My thoughts lately have been about these ke$ha lyrics: "you must be blind if you can't see you'll miss me till the day you die" (Right? Did you know ke$ha was so deep? I recommend buying the album immediately). We girls say/think crap like this. We console our friends post-breakup by saying "He doesn't know how to accept love! He'll die alone!" "He'll realize that he made a big mistake!"

But the fact is, this probably isn't true. I mean, we liked this boy at some point, for some reason. And it's pretty silly to think that another girl won't come along and like him for the same reasons. And she'll probably have boobs so he'll probably like her back. Every day I look around on the metro, or on TV or in songs and people are loving each other and wearing wedding rings and producing more miniature people. So I suppose when you want to start loving and getting married and producing miniature people, it can't be too hard to find some sucker to come along for the ride.

Yay romance!

$L#2