$ingle lady #4 follows up

As $ingle lady #2 so cleverly pointed out, eHarmz is also now manipulating my quiz results in order to make me end up with the Boston Leo. FML.

$ingle lady #4 - Who is your celeb match?

eHarmz is starting to feel bad for me and is sending me various quizzes to take so I can better align my interests with potential matches. I received one the other day titled, "Who is your Celeb Match?" While this sounded like one of those lame email chain quizzes I used to take in 7th grade, I was atleast curious to see what the result turned out.

Similar to 7th grade and the days of Titanic, I should be still pining after:

Leonardo DiCaprio

You and Leo are both romantic, loyal, socially conscious and very cool!

So recap: update my profile to say that I am loyal, socially conscious, and very cool. And say that I am only interested in romantic, loyal, socially conscious and very cool men.

$ingle lady #2: places I want to meet men other than the internet...

...but don't know how:

#1. Running on Rock Creek Parkway - as soon as the weather hits 60 degrees, RCP is filled with runners and bikers and I finally feel like maybe I'm not in danger of getting raped by a creep hiding in the woods. And you know what? A lot of these runners/bikers are slampieces. Running without shirts, running with rippling abs and chiseled quads that make me melt. But, how would I ever speak to one? "Hey! (pant) You're cute! (pant)" Oh and he's already long gone, running away at 10mph while I chug along at 6. "'Kay see ya 'roundddd!" Fail.

#2. Metro - there are many cute boys on the metro but I'm severely opposed to metro chatting unless you are my friend and we would chat in real life.

#3. Grocery store - especially when I used to live in Arlington, it was like a SPF (slampiece festival) at the local Harris Teets. The problem there is that 80% of the time the SP that catches your eye is with his live-in girlfriend.

I suppose if I really want to meet someone in public I'll have to start being friendly, smiling and initiating conversations with strangers. This is definitely not going to happen because I hate all of those things and am from NJ and prefer to walk with the bitchiest look possible on my face. While I may not attract potential matches, at least tourists are not tempted to ask me "where the zoo's at?"

maybe the eH customer care rep wants to take out $ingle lady #2

I called eH ready to crack some $kullz over my $96 charge when I'd rather be a quitter. But then the dude was all nice and didn't really give me a chance to be mean and gave me two options one of which gave me back $57 and I still get one more month of membership. So fine, y'all are stuck with me for another month.

The nice man on the phone asked why I wanted to stop - perhaps I needed to ajdust my settings to get some more communication? And I was like, no, I'm just writing a blog and need to spend my money on these awesome Frye wedges I just found online instead and I hate love and have no interest in pretending to look for it any longer. Okay, I didn't say that. I just said "it's not a problem with communication (read: I'm soooo cool and everyone wants to talk to me), for personal reasons I no longer wish to continue" and he said "I understand."

But then at the end he says "I'd like to compliment you on your profile; for your remaining months maybe if you answered more of the About me questions you'd get more communication." So now I know he's clearly reading about my cheese obsession and thinking um you're a freak good thing you're cancelling.

So, onward I blog for 30 more days. Also, I logged in today, and Brooks Brothers tie has closed me! To everyone who was concerned for the tie - other than his initial statement about wanting it back he really hasn't made much of an attempt. So I plan to wear it as a cool belt or regift it to my dad for Father's Day.


-$L#2

$ingle Lady #4: Bad Romance = Bad Economics

I have little over a month left on my eHarmz subscription and I don't even want to calculate out the economics of the whole deal. I feel that my experience out of all the $ingle ladiez is perhaps the most disappointing? For the record, I have gone on one date and it was just ehh. Nothing like the other $Ls where they meet someone actually compatible with them and ACTUALLY like them. Granted there were at least 4 drinks consumed on my date, but still I am no where close to earning back my ROI on this deal. I even forgot the other day that I was signed up, until I received yet another too-young-for-me match who is still in college eagerly showering me with icebreakers. No thanks. I did receive another match today who is in my acceptable age range and also lives in Boston, eliminating geographical challenges. But his picture is sneaky, it includes another male in the photo and there are no additional photos, so I cannot tell which one he is. But I am guessing he is the more unattractive of the 2. Figures.

I think I have finally shaken my friend Leo. Not that I was intentionally trying to get rid of him, I just wasn't really interested in going on another date once he started displaying tendencies of desperate girl syndrome, which isn't exactly a turn on. I think he finally got the hint 2 weeks ago, I was on gchat during the day at work but couldn't really chat since I was out at a client. He sent me a message, then another message, then another message. It was as if he was having his own conversation with himself. I found this sort of amusing so I just let him continue talking to himself without responding back. The NEXT day, same thing starts. Sends a message, then another message. Then I got the kicker:

leo: are u there?
leo: annnd i'm getting ignored...
leo: if you don't want to talk to me just tell me you don't have to ignore me

Now let's break this down. We went on ONE date. It was just ok. This is sort of an aggressive statement to be throwing out there considering these facts. Not to mention its more guilt tripping! Clearly it didn't work in the first place, so I don't think its going to work period. After these messages I finally responded, just to get him off my back. I intentionally tried to make him feel embarrassed since he was clearly overreacting. And I haven't received a message since, sooo I think we are good.

My friend C provided me with this very pertinent link yesterday, which further exemplifies the red flags associated with Leo:

http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-the-top-10-online-dating-mistakes-guys-make/

Here are some more gems from my inventory of matches, just so you know what I am dealing with in the Boston dating pool:

Some additional information Mike wanted you to know is: Sex would be a plusssssssss+++++++++

The last book Bryan read and enjoyed: The Secrets of Female Sexuality, the title is self-explanatory, Its a mandatory read for guys in my opinion. very interesting

Some additional information Bryan wanted you to know is: My first choice is a dark eyed and dark haired lady.

The one thing Bryan wishes MORE people would notice about him is: That Im not a player

Occupation:Seminarian

$ingle Lady #1: ROI Analysis

Fortunately, that giant post-it reminded me to cancel yesterday so no additional charges for me. It was shockingly easy (sorry $L#2). Now if only I'd pay attention to the new angry post-it saying "Priority" on the folder that holds my taxes and lease renewal. Naughty, naughty.

Anne is right - I think I "win" this one from an ROI perspective. I'm bad with what things cost, so I'll just break out a list:

8 dates down:

(+) 15-20 drinks (sorry Mom, but I promise, it's spread out!)
(+) 2 dinners
(+) Wine brought to Easter brunch
(-) Cabs from all these drunken dates
(+) On Demand of Did you Hear About the Morgans? (maybe two +s because it was DYHAtM? Though, quick plug, because I thought it was great!)

Definitely squarely in the positive ROI. However, I'd actually say eHarmz was an overall fail. Yes, I met a great guy and we seem very compatible so far (he likes the AirTrain at JFK airport too!!! Plus 10!), but I only met one. I Closed 227, was Communicating (slowly and uninterestedly) with 43, and had not explored 79 new matches. That's a .29% chance of meeting someone in 3 months, for $120. Seems I have a better chance of dating a homeless guy than of actually "finding love" through the Web!

Unfortunately, I have to stop writing about my dates with IMF. He's still in the dark about this whole operation and it's not fair to him. I've officially upgraded him to just MF, and wouldn't run gagging if he ever introduced me as his [girlfriend] (as I breathe into a paper bag...). It's likely that I'll finally get the balls to tell him (probably drunk) one day, and we'll get in a giant fight because it will turn out that he also had some sort of bet with his friends about me, and I'll take a job in San Francisco and he'll come chasing me across a bridge on a motorcycle carrying a dead Love Fern and Follow You Down by the Gin Blossoms will play in the background - wait, that's someone else's story...

Don't worry, there's still plenty of weird stuff that happens to me that doesn't involve him!

'til then,
$L#1

$L6 has 4 dates in 9 days

....with the same boy. Maybe eHarm got one right? My IMF and I are going to see the Phillies beat the Nationals tomorrow night here in DC, last night we watched the tourney together, last week was lots of drinking and food. He makes me laugh, has a fantastic smile, and likes to talk more than I do. Meanwhile, I've got 45 new and unviewed matches, haven't signed on in days, and I'm (gasp) even considering turning matching off.

Good dates make bad stories,

$L6

$ingle lady #2 - eH IS SO SNEAKY and I am PISSED

So my eH membership was "paid through April 6." I went in to cancel today. They had already auto-renewed me and charged my credit card for 96 more dollars. That is too many dollars. NO NO NO NO I did not feel like spending my day on the phone with these bastards. I should have cancelled yesterday but I was too busy buying new sunglasses in NJ. Woooo tax-free clothes shopping.

ASSUMING I'm able to remove this charge, I would like to present you with the full economic analysis of my 3-month eH membership, which cost $120:

2 beers on Ben: $8
2 drinks on Pete: $10
0 drinks on sssshiv: $0
3 champagne cocktails and appetizers on CC: ~$50
1 indian dinner on CC: ~$35
~5 strong beers and 1 cheese platter on CCC: ~$40
1 Brooks Brothers tie: apparently $75

TOTAL: $218 (...$143 pre-tie)

So I guess it was worth it?

-$L#2