A $ingle Lady sits at a bar. Alone would make a better story, but alas, she sits amongst friends. Her phone rings. An unknown number. Does she answer? Her friends certainly encourage it. Deep breath. Hello? They discuss the massive snowicane that continues to pummel their city. He asks if he can take her to dinner the following week. $ushi, in fact, to bolster her addiction to mercury poisoning. (Heart). Then, he makes a joke that he'd take her to do coke but that's a little heavy for a second date [Narrator interruption: something I didn't reveal to you before, but yet another of my Minus points was telling him that people think I do coke to keep my energy up, but I don't, and therefore think it's mercury poisoning...plus many points for him turning that into an inside joke. In my defense, it's an office joke, and come on, if you can joke about it at work, you can joke about it on a date...] They discuss neighborhoods, and agree that he'll text her a location after he does a little research on places to go. They wish each other a happy weekend, and hang up.
The end. Or rather, to be continued...
xo,
$ingle Lady #1
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
$ingle Lady #1 Elaborates
Realized this morning from the massive amounts of feedback that the post last night was a totally inadequate description of the date. Overall, I'd give the actual date a solid A-. It was a little awkward to begin with, because you spend the first half of the date totally ignoring the fact that you came to be there through the Worldwide Web. Then, one or the other makes a comment about it and all the awkwardness goes out the window as you laugh and joke about how weird the whole process is. But overall, conversation flowed naturally, he and I bantered well, and I really feel like he got a good read on my overall energy and personality. (Plus, bonus points for my well-executed professional-but-not-stuffy-since-I-work-in-a-creative-industry outfit. Yes, it was a group effort).
He gets two very solid plus 5s. One, because when I told him what I do, his follow up comment was, "Oh, I just bought Dove yesterday." I squealed with delight (which was apparently, my minus), and immediately hearted him. Then launched into the spiel about how he should next buy Dove Men+Care because "he's a man." Two, because in the midst of telling him I'm training for a half-marathon (side bar: he ran in college...in fact, was supposed to run D1, then had a horrific injury his junior year which should have stalled his whole career, got dumped by D1, still wooed by D3 and ended up getting an acceptance letter handed to him on his coaches visit. He didn't even have to apply, lucky ba$tard, and had he overcome and made it to the Olympics he totally would have had a one-on-one sitdown with Natalie Morales), I told him how lovely it was to train in Mexico where the trainers would come by every 5 minutes with lemon-infused water and a cold towel. Response: "I have the best idea. Me and my friends will rent a golf cart and drive next to you while you run, pouring you lemon-infused water and handing you cold towels." Hearted him more. One the one hand, come on, that would just be awesome, and on the other, he used the words "me," "you," and "my friends" all in one statement.
Needless to say, he didn't hit the noon deadline. I find myself blissfully unconcerned. The deadline is arbitrary, and truthfully, if I was a dood I wouldn't follow-up-first-date text on a Friday morning. That leaves wayyy to much open about the next date day. Friday and Saturday second dates from the Internet are aggressive. I'm expecting a Sunday or Monday follow up, maybe setting up drinks or dinner next week.
And if he doesn't, eager-beaver Wesley is still on my open list ;-)
xo,
$L#1
He gets two very solid plus 5s. One, because when I told him what I do, his follow up comment was, "Oh, I just bought Dove yesterday." I squealed with delight (which was apparently, my minus), and immediately hearted him. Then launched into the spiel about how he should next buy Dove Men+Care because "he's a man." Two, because in the midst of telling him I'm training for a half-marathon (side bar: he ran in college...in fact, was supposed to run D1, then had a horrific injury his junior year which should have stalled his whole career, got dumped by D1, still wooed by D3 and ended up getting an acceptance letter handed to him on his coaches visit. He didn't even have to apply, lucky ba$tard, and had he overcome and made it to the Olympics he totally would have had a one-on-one sitdown with Natalie Morales), I told him how lovely it was to train in Mexico where the trainers would come by every 5 minutes with lemon-infused water and a cold towel. Response: "I have the best idea. Me and my friends will rent a golf cart and drive next to you while you run, pouring you lemon-infused water and handing you cold towels." Hearted him more. One the one hand, come on, that would just be awesome, and on the other, he used the words "me," "you," and "my friends" all in one statement.
Needless to say, he didn't hit the noon deadline. I find myself blissfully unconcerned. The deadline is arbitrary, and truthfully, if I was a dood I wouldn't follow-up-first-date text on a Friday morning. That leaves wayyy to much open about the next date day. Friday and Saturday second dates from the Internet are aggressive. I'm expecting a Sunday or Monday follow up, maybe setting up drinks or dinner next week.
And if he doesn't, eager-beaver Wesley is still on my open list ;-)
xo,
$L#1
Thursday, February 25, 2010
$ingle Lady #1: B- at Best
I purposely waited 24 hours to post to let the juices marinate. I was feelin' good. I sent the 10 pm requisite "I'm still alive and not floating in the East River" texts. My mom called at 11 pm last night to gossip about the date. I walked into the office this morning firmly in B+ territory. I'd even venture to say A- but didn't want to appear cocky.
Flashback. The date was good! He totally took charge, immediately offering to get me a beverage when I walked in, and had clearly been there for long enough to be early (since he was already almost a full-beer deep). Plus 1. He'd secured a table so we could sit and talk, rather than sit at the bar. Plus 2. We had easy, flowing conversation, both laughed often, and engaged in witty banter. Plus 3. We ended the evening with him hailing me a cab, kissing me (on the cheek! naughty, naughty) goodnight, and asking for my digit$ so he could call me sometime. Plus 4. Success huh?
Not so fast. The details started to emerge about my behavior on the date, and my success ball of yarn started to unravel. I talked too much. I was wayyy too enthusiastic about my job (but come on, everyone should use Dove soap). When asked about my unnaturally high amount of energy, I attributed it to mercury poisoning from all the sushi I eat. He and I bantered about murder jokes (there's an explanation, but seems irrelevant to this paragraph...). Minus 1. Minus 2. Minus 3. For me.
Enter happy hour tonight. A circle of mixed-gender captivated listeners (or perhaps, just captives...ask them?) evaluating my date. Apparently, somewhere between The Guy Code and He's Just Not That Into You, lawyerboy has until exactly noon tomorrow to throw a follow up text my way before it's officially not happening at all. Ouch, rules. Ouch.
Stay tuned. 13 hours and counting...
xo,
$L#1
Flashback. The date was good! He totally took charge, immediately offering to get me a beverage when I walked in, and had clearly been there for long enough to be early (since he was already almost a full-beer deep). Plus 1. He'd secured a table so we could sit and talk, rather than sit at the bar. Plus 2. We had easy, flowing conversation, both laughed often, and engaged in witty banter. Plus 3. We ended the evening with him hailing me a cab, kissing me (on the cheek! naughty, naughty) goodnight, and asking for my digit$ so he could call me sometime. Plus 4. Success huh?
Not so fast. The details started to emerge about my behavior on the date, and my success ball of yarn started to unravel. I talked too much. I was wayyy too enthusiastic about my job (but come on, everyone should use Dove soap). When asked about my unnaturally high amount of energy, I attributed it to mercury poisoning from all the sushi I eat. He and I bantered about murder jokes (there's an explanation, but seems irrelevant to this paragraph...). Minus 1. Minus 2. Minus 3. For me.
Enter happy hour tonight. A circle of mixed-gender captivated listeners (or perhaps, just captives...ask them?) evaluating my date. Apparently, somewhere between The Guy Code and He's Just Not That Into You, lawyerboy has until exactly noon tomorrow to throw a follow up text my way before it's officially not happening at all. Ouch, rules. Ouch.
Stay tuned. 13 hours and counting...
xo,
$L#1
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
$ingle lady #2: A guide to gflirting
Gflirting, is of course, the ancient (read: since 2k7) art of gchat flirting. Once you have secured your new crush (cookie crisp) as a gchat contact, let the gamez begin! I contend that I do some of my best work via gchat. There are many things to consider. I find it acceptable to open the lines of communication one time, if necessary. From there you are not to gchat your crush again until he gchats you.
The next step is the gchatus (gchat status) bait. Many gchatuses may serve as bait for your crush to chat you. Some examples include a chachy conversation between you and one of your funniest friends to get him to think:"gee I wish $L#2 and I were having hilarious gconvos..." Another option would be a humorous link to a Web site or youtube video, to elicit a "where did you find that?" or "haha" chat. Another option might be, a personal favorite of mine, a quote from your favorite movie - perhaps Home Alone. This will leave your crush racking his brain to identify the quote, at which point he may even IMDB the line to try to impress you with his movie knowledge.
The last option is an actual status about what you are doing, but just mysterious enough to serve as bait. Now, DO NOT make the mistake of being obvious. DO NOT use statuses such as "OMG so excited!!!" or "wah don't feel well :(" These baits are fooling no one. A good bait might be "taking a p-less nap," which of course refers to a pantless nap, made popular in 2k4 when you, after a long day of class, returned to your dorm to immediately take off your pants, crawl into bed with a bag of Tostitos Scoops, and fall asleep watching Blow starring Johnny Depp. However your crush does not know that the pantless nap is the epitome of laziness, and will instead chat you "what is a p-less nap?" And you will say "pantless, duh" and he will be left thinking of your lacy underwear, rather than you waking up with drool on your face and the entire bag of chips hoovered.
The final guideline is to stay away from gchat when drunk; it is to serve as sober communication only. Gchat will lose its magic if it simply becomes a variation of the drunk dial or text. Gflirting is best conducted while at work. If you have a job that does not allow gchat...you're probably out of luck and will die a lonely cat lady, unless you are some sort of 'adult' who uses the 'telephone' or flirts with people 'in person.' Lame.
Good luck!
$ingle lady #2
The next step is the gchatus (gchat status) bait. Many gchatuses may serve as bait for your crush to chat you. Some examples include a chachy conversation between you and one of your funniest friends to get him to think:"gee I wish $L#2 and I were having hilarious gconvos..." Another option would be a humorous link to a Web site or youtube video, to elicit a "where did you find that?" or "haha" chat. Another option might be, a personal favorite of mine, a quote from your favorite movie - perhaps Home Alone. This will leave your crush racking his brain to identify the quote, at which point he may even IMDB the line to try to impress you with his movie knowledge.
The last option is an actual status about what you are doing, but just mysterious enough to serve as bait. Now, DO NOT make the mistake of being obvious. DO NOT use statuses such as "OMG so excited!!!" or "wah don't feel well :(" These baits are fooling no one. A good bait might be "taking a p-less nap," which of course refers to a pantless nap, made popular in 2k4 when you, after a long day of class, returned to your dorm to immediately take off your pants, crawl into bed with a bag of Tostitos Scoops, and fall asleep watching Blow starring Johnny Depp. However your crush does not know that the pantless nap is the epitome of laziness, and will instead chat you "what is a p-less nap?" And you will say "pantless, duh" and he will be left thinking of your lacy underwear, rather than you waking up with drool on your face and the entire bag of chips hoovered.
The final guideline is to stay away from gchat when drunk; it is to serve as sober communication only. Gchat will lose its magic if it simply becomes a variation of the drunk dial or text. Gflirting is best conducted while at work. If you have a job that does not allow gchat...you're probably out of luck and will die a lonely cat lady, unless you are some sort of 'adult' who uses the 'telephone' or flirts with people 'in person.' Lame.
Good luck!
$ingle lady #2
$ingle Lady #1: Daily Love Horoscope
Thought this may be a good day to check this. Thought wrong.
Daily Flirt:
Today you're going to spend a lot of time questioning everything you're doing. Is your life going in the direction you'd like it to be going? Are you spending time with quality people? And so on.
Daily Singles:
Not sure if you want to be part of a couple or fly solo? Hang out with a married couple for a day or two -- kid optional. Do you feel a sense of longing, or a sense of 'thank goodness that's not me'? That should help.
Umm, eww! Here's hoping lawyerboy doesn't turn out to be....married?
xo,
$L#1 returns to blog domination
Daily Flirt:
Today you're going to spend a lot of time questioning everything you're doing. Is your life going in the direction you'd like it to be going? Are you spending time with quality people? And so on.
Daily Singles:
Not sure if you want to be part of a couple or fly solo? Hang out with a married couple for a day or two -- kid optional. Do you feel a sense of longing, or a sense of 'thank goodness that's not me'? That should help.
Umm, eww! Here's hoping lawyerboy doesn't turn out to be....married?
xo,
$L#1 returns to blog domination
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
$ingle Lady #1: First first date lockdown?
Soo looks like it's really going to happen. First first date w/lawyerboy is "set" for tomorrow. This time, he nailed down the time and place days in advance. A+ for being trainable. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous. The last time I had a real First Date with someone I honestly had never met before was last Fall, when I went on a few dates with a guy who was in my phone as J___ Gin Mill (fellow New Yorkers will understand the significance of meeting a guy there). After a date or two I did learn his real last name, but never bothered to change it in my phone. Maybe that was the first sign...
If pressed, I would say I'm probably a good first date. But, that's really only because I'm an excellent first date from my point of view. Like $L#2, I'm a T.A.L.K.E.R. Times a thousand. I could literally talk to a brick wall for 2 hours, and walk away thinking how fantastic it was. Therefore, no matter what, I know I'LL have fun on this date tomorrow. I can talk about sports, pop culture (scratch that, he's not a pop culture follower...), books, movies, enough about politics and world events.... We'll find common interests. We'll be able to laugh and talk about how awkward eHarmony dating is. and about the crazy hours at our jobs. Sounds like a great date to me! Stay tuned for his reaction... Must remember to take breaths between sentences to let him get a word in.
Weird result of Internet Dating #557: There is homework the night before the date. I've reviewed over 500 profiles. I'm in communication with 21 guys. I'm in email open communication with 6. It's hard to keep track of which guy's photo was on the Wall of China, and who was in front of the Eiffel Tower. Therefore, I'm spending the next 20 minutes studying his Cosmo quiz questions, Must Haves, Essays and Emails. I didn't do this much work in school!
Stay tuned...you'll either get a snooze, a lonng rant, or a few light sentences about how great it was...because $L#2 is right. The good guys just aren't fun to write or read about.
xo,
$L#1
If pressed, I would say I'm probably a good first date. But, that's really only because I'm an excellent first date from my point of view. Like $L#2, I'm a T.A.L.K.E.R. Times a thousand. I could literally talk to a brick wall for 2 hours, and walk away thinking how fantastic it was. Therefore, no matter what, I know I'LL have fun on this date tomorrow. I can talk about sports, pop culture (scratch that, he's not a pop culture follower...), books, movies, enough about politics and world events.... We'll find common interests. We'll be able to laugh and talk about how awkward eHarmony dating is. and about the crazy hours at our jobs. Sounds like a great date to me! Stay tuned for his reaction... Must remember to take breaths between sentences to let him get a word in.
Weird result of Internet Dating #557: There is homework the night before the date. I've reviewed over 500 profiles. I'm in communication with 21 guys. I'm in email open communication with 6. It's hard to keep track of which guy's photo was on the Wall of China, and who was in front of the Eiffel Tower. Therefore, I'm spending the next 20 minutes studying his Cosmo quiz questions, Must Haves, Essays and Emails. I didn't do this much work in school!
Stay tuned...you'll either get a snooze, a lonng rant, or a few light sentences about how great it was...because $L#2 is right. The good guys just aren't fun to write or read about.
xo,
$L#1
$ingle lady #5: I shouldn't admit this but...
I am not a fan of showering on weekends unless I'm going out. Strike that, I'm just not a fan of showering unless I will be around some slampiece or going somewhere that really matters like work. One time in college I went a whole 6 days not showering. However, I've changed my mind on this sitch. One of my birthday gifts from the parents included a lotion/shower gel combo from Fresh that is delightfully scented Sugar Lemon. I also got Bumble Bumble Alojoba 'poo and conditioner. These products smell so awesome that I have regained full interest in showering. Not only have I taken to smelling wonderful, I but I have also began partaking in girl rituals involving the painting of my nails, application of makeup everyday, nightly facial masks and the brushing of my hair not once but twice a day. I smell lovely; really, I can't stop sniffing my hair and skin.
This post makes my former self seem so unhygenic and butch. Don't get me wrong- I shower every day for work and I shower on the weekends if I go out. However, I didn't really go the extra mile...until today. The point of my post is that we should all these little things, these girly traditions that make us feel great and look great. Although it seems stupid and minute, I do think it makes a difference. It makes us feel put together and therefore act with confidence and sass.
Ok enough of this Cosmogirl of the Year shizzzzz. I'm gonna go apply some Lemon Lotion.
This post makes my former self seem so unhygenic and butch. Don't get me wrong- I shower every day for work and I shower on the weekends if I go out. However, I didn't really go the extra mile...until today. The point of my post is that we should all these little things, these girly traditions that make us feel great and look great. Although it seems stupid and minute, I do think it makes a difference. It makes us feel put together and therefore act with confidence and sass.
Ok enough of this Cosmogirl of the Year shizzzzz. I'm gonna go apply some Lemon Lotion.
$aid I wasn't going to post but $L2 is being a bLoG hOg
E-Harmz gave me an offer I can't refuse: 3 months for $90!!! ZING. Quick update from eH: Teenwolf has nudged me to speed up my responses. Wish he knew about my eH hiatus status until Saturday. I'm glad he is still keeping interest. The matches have slowed down which I am thankful for since I like to keep a clean Gmail inbox. Test day/eH signup day is a mere 4 days away!!!!
Talk to you later,
The ever so studious $L#5
Talk to you later,
The ever so studious $L#5
Monday, February 22, 2010
$ingle lady #2 tries really hard to talk just the right amount
I had a feeling that my C.Creme date was going to go well. After being put to sleep by my not-so-dreamboat-date on Friday night, I felt I paid my bad date dues. And I was right! The date was lovely. As a result, I find myself at a loss for what to write in this post. I can get down with ranting rage blackout posts where I complain and vent, but who wants to hear about how magical a date was? About how he loves to play golf, wear designer jeans, have brunch with his parents, go to church, drink and dance too much, gchat the day away and just be generally hilarious and adorable? See this post sucks already.
So I'll keep you updated on that, but let's move on to something else. What to do about Friday night date? By 11am Saturday morning I had a text that he 'had a great time and hopes we can do it again soon.' As this isn't really a direct invitation, I'm not sure what to do with it. There's nothing to decline or the need to make an excuse. If I agreed I'd just write back: "Me too" etc. etc. But I didn't. Here are some other responses that I've thought of, although I'm currently going the 'ignore' route:
Response #1: Actually, I was pretty bored to tears and am surprised you weren't as well. Were we on the same date?
Response #2: It was nice to meet you too but I don't see another date in our future.
Response #3: Sorry but I just met the Rice Crispy Treat of my dreams.
Response #4: I'm concerned that your busy schedule as a park ranger will not lend itself well to a relationship.
xoxo,
#2 taking over the blog again
So I'll keep you updated on that, but let's move on to something else. What to do about Friday night date? By 11am Saturday morning I had a text that he 'had a great time and hopes we can do it again soon.' As this isn't really a direct invitation, I'm not sure what to do with it. There's nothing to decline or the need to make an excuse. If I agreed I'd just write back: "Me too" etc. etc. But I didn't. Here are some other responses that I've thought of, although I'm currently going the 'ignore' route:
Response #1: Actually, I was pretty bored to tears and am surprised you weren't as well. Were we on the same date?
Response #2: It was nice to meet you too but I don't see another date in our future.
Response #3: Sorry but I just met the Rice Crispy Treat of my dreams.
Response #4: I'm concerned that your busy schedule as a park ranger will not lend itself well to a relationship.
xoxo,
#2 taking over the blog again
Sunday, February 21, 2010
$ingle lady #2: one weekend, two dates
zzzzZZZzzzZZZZZ
Okay that's my update of the Pete date.
Crispin tonight. Let's hope I have more to say about this one.
-$L#2
UPDATE: After getting dressed I've been inspired to write a bit more. At some point over the last few years I decided to stop stressing out about what to wear when meeting a boy. If I own it, it should be acceptable. These are the clothes I wear, and to wear something else would be misleading. If a boy doesn't like what I wear on our first date, then he probably won't like what I wear on the second date, and so on. And clothes that make you look fat? I'm over that too. If you're not fat, you probably don't look fat. If you're fat, you might look fat. There are certain styles that look terrible on me, but again, those styles are probably not hanging in my closet. However I am a bigger fan of after-work-dates than these weekend dates, since I have approximately 500 work outfits, and like two casual shirts. Hmm would it be weird to meet someone for a drink on a Sunday in my favorite suit...
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