$ingle Lady #1: Secret fantasy comes true!

Ok, it didn't come true for me. And it's not even whatever is running through your dirty mind right now.

$L#2 and I have discussed at length the mysteries of the Close Communication button. Are we too shallow when we close everyone who is "woof" or short? At what point do we owe someone an explanation for the close above and beyond "Other?" Once we ourselves are Closed, we agonize of what minutiae of our profile told this person that we weren't meant to spend the rest of our lives together. Secretly, everyone wants to take advantage of the tempting "Send Final Message" button, but no self-respecting person actually does. Except Eric. I received this email yesterday from eHarmz: "At some point in the past you decided to close your match, Eric from Astoria, New York, United States. Eric has taken advantage of an opportunity to send you this message:

I really felt that we had potential. I'd like you to reconsider.

You may re-open this match by going to your Closed Matches page and clicking "Re-Open" next to Eric's name. If you would like to keep this match closed, you do not need to do anything."

I'm intrigued! Everyone wants to be chased. I clicked on his profile (since clearly, as an Internet Dating Slut I have absolutely no recollection of him by name alone...I think he's my 5th Eric?) to figure out why I'd so hastily closed him in the first place. Sadly, Eric from Astoria is 5'5" and that's a dealbreaker. Apparently, there's no room for rebuttal unless I re-open him, as I'd like to be able to return with "You seem like a nice enough guy, but you'll only come up to my elbow. Sorry." If you're reading this Eric - please see above.

Also, David opened communication with me today. I reviewed his profile...decent looking, banker-type, Brooklyn (minus 1), and 5'7" (minus 50). My hand hovered over the "Close" button when I noticed a teensy detail that may override my ultimate dealbreaker. He. also. can't. live. without the Buffalo Bills / Sabres. Fate!! What's the etiquette for Communicating with someone "Looking for: a companion" with the sole purpose of friendship?

Still no word from Hottie McHotterson. Ugh. He now has 6 days of me not obsessing as I lay on the beach in Mexico with my fam. Don't worry - I'll still blog about my misadventures getting picked up by 14 year olds on February Break.

Ta ta for now!

$L#1

Calling all $ingle ladies (and $ingle d00ds)

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$ingle lady #2 does not play well with others

"I put them through a test. We talk politics, we talk sports, I punch him in the arm. If he doesn't whine about it, he passes." - Mike, The Real World DC

Mike said this moments ago about the date he brought back to the house tonight on The Real World. As it turns out, we have similar criteria for men. Unfortunately, I am concerned that LB did not pass the test. Politics - check. Sports - check. Takes a punch - ehhhh?

So I may have been a little sassy with LB...you might even say mean. But he was being a baby about choosing a restaurant. And then he and his friend were being kind of annoying. So I let him know (joking, or so I thought). Now I haven't talked to him since Sunday, a stark contrast to when he was telling me how great I was on Saturday. And that TRICKSTER! I didn't even think I liked him but now I'm wondering why he hasn't called...booo.

I'm trying to learn from these dates, I really am. So far I've learned, don't be so mean. And don't talk too much (example: Ben). But I can't help thinking, shouldn't he be able to take a punch? I know guys have sensitive egos but if he's actually mad about it, then it confirms my statement that he's a GIANT BABY. And I'm probably not getting any nicer, so the third date might only be worse.

Snooki "wahhh,"

-$L#2

$ingle lady #2 lies

To $L#1 - just as an FYI, when I closed Andre for being so pushy with his multiple messages and nudging, I chose "pursuing another relationship" as my reason to get him off my back...just sayin'...

This morning in the shower I had an idea (all my best thinking happens here, as well as outfit planning for the day): I'm going to post my work address on my eH profile next week requesting Valentine's Day deliveries - only for blog material, of course. Probably an unsafe decision, but I'm giggling to myself thinking about getting an 'embarrassing display of white roses' at work from someone who claims their best life skill is creating romance in a relationship...

$ingle Lady #1: Has found her own "Slampiece"

Like $L#2, eHarmz has given up on sending me new matches, subtly telling me to play with the 200 or so they've already sent me instead. Considering I've closed 143, and have 9 in limbo, I really only have 24 that I'm actively pursuing. In fairness, I also got lazy, leaving everyone in limbo and not really bothering to check out my matches as instructed.

Sunday I spent all day in bed, lazily ordering delivery hot dogs and mac n'cheese from downstairs, so I went through some of my limbo matches. John, 28, is a "slampiece." He is hot in all five of his photos, in 5 different angles. Plus 1. In one, he's holding a child (gingerly, to prove it's not his). Plus 2. In another, he is at the US Open. Plus 3. He also drinks "several times a week" like me, which makes me feel better. Plus 4. He's only 5'10". Minus 1, but still a solid plus 3 overall. Of course, I wanted to fast track him to give my proposal immediately, but decided to try to play hard to get by sending him a Cosmo quiz instead. Still waiting for a response.

Other Updates:

No response to my last Thursday email from Chris. Hope he's busy deposing and not blowing me off.

Yesterday, in a fit of giggles with coworkers over some of my closed matches' profile photos (sorry, it's mean, but still funny), I "nudged" Andrew (cute, in beginning stages of communication), which as we know from SL#2 is the cardinal sin of eHarmony, but come on - the button was so big and orange and tempting...and he promptly Closed me. However, he did provide a Closed email that he was "pursuing another relationship" as opposed to "you're a crazy impatient b*tch" which I appreciated.

Bill and Alan are both in "Open email" limbo. No one wants to make the first move. It's my turn, but they're supposed to be Men. Maybe the next time I'm drunk I'll send an opening line...

'til next time,
$ingle Lady #1

$ingle lady #2: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Am I the only person without an answer to this question? It's a question I've been asked on eH two times now, and it also came up on my regular life date #2 with LB (solidifying the idea that dates are nothing more than interviews with wine). I don't like this question. I don't like to play this game. To me, it's no different than games of make-believe I played when I was in 8th grade. I don't know where I'll be in 10 years, and I can't bring myself to speculate because what's the point? I have career goals, don't get me wrong. But as a $ingle lady, I refuse to 'plan' to be married with 2 kids by the time I'm 35. How can you plan on something that is totally based on whether or not you meet someone you want to marry? How can I 'plan' to move to a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a dog, when I might meet someone with whom I'd rather have a condo in the city?

Maybe this point of view is why I'm no good for eH. Maybe eH is for people who have their 10-year plan and just need someone to insert into the significant other blank. And maybe I'll change my tune in 7 years when I really have to worry about my old eggs.

Some updates:
-Andre is sooo pushy: "Just dropping by to say hi, hope you didn't forget about me!" Close.
-Ben is MIA
-A ginger match is now on my gchat list which makes me really nervous
-A match named Pete shares my love of Giada
-Grammar boy must have been scared off by my grammary message
-eH is getting sick of me and no longer sends me new matches every day

Kisses,
$L#2

$ingle Lady #1: How to get value from eHarmony, let me count the ways...

Where is the value in eHarmony? For a man, particularly of the old-fashioned variety, there's little value (unless, of course, you count the supposed everlasting love that comes with finding your True Match). He pays exorbitantly for his membership, and then pays for (at least the first) dates he goes on. Females have a higher ROI. Yes, we pay for membership, but have an opportunity to make some revenue through free dinners and drinks.

So far, negative value. One month down, zero actual dates had. Probably 80% of my new matches are from New Jersey (and not accessible NJ), so most I'm closing. I typically don't even bother to open them. Today I opened one from New York. His About Me was very descriptive, and included that he's a Sports Editor for a major area newspaper. At what point do I drop my admittedly shallow physical appearance...standards?...and just go out for a good time? I'll admit, while he's 4 inches shorter than me (my dealbreaker), as a sports editor he likely has access to insane tickets, and I considered dating him for that reason. Moral Compasses, never fear, for I closed the match rather than take advantage of him, but the thought did cross my mind...

xo,
$ingle Lady #1