$ingle Lady #1: Where for art thou $ingle Lady #1?

I've been MIA, I know (although thanks for the public call-out $L#2 ;)). Mostly, I've been busy at work, but alas I'm also horrified to report that not only did Chris have to cancel tonight (after I rush overnight fixed those boots too! Perfect date outfit is still on, be it only for the benefit of my Starbucks barrista this morning), but he's out of town "deposing" all next week (sounds dirty, but since we don't know each other, I didn't think I could comment on that yet in our correspondence), and I'm out of town on vacation the following week. Our blossoming romance could not join a face-to-face reality until post-V-day. Oh the horror. No wonder you have to pay for 3 months up front!

I'm in the eHarmony "free open email" communication with 5 men. Surely one of them will culminate in a date, as I didn't pay this much to practice my witty email-writing skills. This leaves me embarrassed to admit, that it's currently:

Internet Dating: 1
$ingle Lady #1: 0

Team is down as we near the end of the first period. With two remaining (thirds? Football is so much easier of a reference...note to eHarmz, please offer a 4 month membership...), it's time to call up the reserves before the Chris-and-$L#1 Romance turns into a romcom called "Dear John."

Love and missed you,
$L#1

$ingle lady #2...is the only $ingle lady posting

My new plan is to see how many ridiculous things I can say on eHarmony before 1. they somehow intervene because they are the Big Brother of dating Web sites or 2. every man I'm matched with things I'm a total freak. Enter Pete from Alexandria, who wanted to know the 3 best traits I had to offer a 'partner' (I hate that word). I decided that Pete was funny based on his answer to my selected question "Describe your ideal man/woman" to which he responded "My ideal man is a cross between Chuck Norris and John Stamos." This made me think of my absolute favorite website, http://www.wwujd.com/.



Anyway since he seemed funny I responded "My extensive fantasy football trophy case, love of washing dishes, and killer rack. I mean...I'm loving, caring, and sensitive."

$ingle lady #2: Ode to Ben

Where have you gone?
It has been so long (1 week).
We had a lovely time at Clyde's,
but now you have chosen to hide.
Right after our date there was a text
so I dreamed more would be next.
Maybe by another eH match your heart has been taken
But if you think I will call you, you are sorely mistaken.

by $L#2

$ingle lady #2: Republican dream date

To start, I just want to say that I'm really excited that I'm finally living life the way Zach Morris intended: dates with different people every night. My date with LB was nothing short of a right-winger's dream, starting with him picking me up at my apartment in his work suit complete with American flag pin, and opening the door for me. We chatted about our similar interests (a good 20 minutes reviewing each golf club we carry), family backgrounds (moms who ask us if we went to church), and I informed him of my "life skills that I do not posses" listed in an earlier post. He did point out that while I claim to hate talking to people so much, I can't be too shy considering I flagged him down in my friend's lobby - touche. Before I even had time to post, he contacted me to say he had a great time (as K likes to say - why wouldn't he?) and ask me out on date #2 for this weekend. LB doesn't waste any time.

I've started reading the eHarmz articles posted around the dating profiles, mostly for their comedic value...there was one today about how to make a killer first impression (people decide if they like you in the first 2 seconds blah blah blah) and most were to be expected - don't dress like you're homeless, have good posture, etc. But others were new:

"Move more slowly than usual. People who move fractionally more slowly than others tend to get noticed and come across as sexy. Get into the habit so it becomes natural: otherwise don't bother." I'll be practicing my sloth every night.

"Third, smile with genuine enjoyment. (Here’s a way to do that. Practice saying the word “great” over and over in a mirror using crazy voices until you feel like a giant idiot or you crack up – then say it under your breath to yourself as you approach people. I guarantee you’ll be smiling.) A smile sends a signal that you’re happy and confident." Are there really people out there who need to practice how to smile? And then you have to mumble to yourself like a crazy person? I think I'll stick to thinking of Peyton Manning pegging small children in the back with a football as my go-t0 mental image for a laugh.

This is the picture with the article; I'm not sure what kind of impression this girl's sleepy look makes (maybe she was going for 'bedroom eyes').




-$L#2

$ingle Lady #1: You get what you pay for?

I hope so. Today was one of those days. Actually, just one of those last-few-hours. I've had a sore throat for about 6 days now. Finally, as my coworkers got more and more nervous of the onset of the plague, I took myself to the doctor. Not a "real" doctor, but a 24-hour magic clinic that you can just walk into anytime. However, when you walk in at 10:30 pm, you get what you pay for. (Meanwhile, about an hour prior, I was on my way to the clinic when the heel broke off my boot. Relevance noted later). A mean doctor came in, ignored my smiling face, and told me I don't have strep (I know), and that I probably just have a cold. I told him a sore throat is not my usual symptom (disgustingly, my Symptom is an extremely watery right eye, which I rub incessantly, so everyone thinks I have pink eye instead of a cold), to which he replied sarcastically that I couldn't possibly have had every symptom I'll ever have in my long 24 years. Treat me like a teenager, and I'll revert to one, so like any good tired and cranky snotty 15-year-old, I pouted. At first I was pissed when he asked me if I was sad he didn't give me any drugs. Then I remembered what time it was.

Last month Real Simple magazine did a comparison of the top internet dating sites. Sadly (for me, who had already hit "Send" on that 3-months-upfront commitment), eHarmnony was the most expensive, and had the least amount of members. Here's hoping - you get what you pay for.

Italian Stallion has dropped off the face of the earth again. Maybe he's back in anger management classes. Date with lawyer (code name needed) is tentatively on for Friday night (eek! actual date night! Dating is weird...). Sadly, my Perfect Outfit is already ruined by the broken boots. :( I've already scheduled plans for 8:30ish (which he knows) so that I can immediately go download my chaperon duo - Witness and JWoww. It also gives me a face save if he cancels so I'm not sitting home alone watching The Biggest Loser. Stay tuned!

xo,
$L#1

$ingle lady #2: Dating hotspots

What is the allure of Clyde's in Georgetown?? I mean, I love their pastrami sandwich but my second date in a row is taking me there (LB tonight). The bartender probably will think I am a hooker.

$ingle lady #2 does not want to think about being a widow

Maybe the weirdest answer I've gotten to the question "What do you think of the concept of soul mates?" came last night (after I got home from hanging out with my new favorite man Marshall - my kickboxing instructor). I've been asking all of my matches the same questions so that I can adequately compare them, apples to apples. I suppose with this one I am looking to weed out weirdos who think that there is one, and only one, magical person out there for everyone, because I'm not down with that idea. Anyway last night some guy (I can't keep up with their names any longer) chose to write in his own response rather than choosing one of eHz answers. It read:

"a person could have several soulmates but once one is found that is it unless they pass away than anothe might be found."

What??? Other than not knowing the appropriate use of 'then' vs. 'than,' this is a little weird, right? It rubbed me the wrong way and when I read it to Roomie J, she told me to immediately close this match (which I did). I'm sorry but bringing up death in your eHarmz cosmo quiz is just a little morbid.

Stayin' alive,
$L#2

$ingle lady #2 finds love

Take back anything bad I've ever said about eH. They've done it! My soul mate! I can hear wedding bells ringing!

For reference, my profile reads: The most important thing that $L#2 is looking for in a person is: Good grammar and self-confidence

Enter, Matt (this must be Matt #7 by now)...

The one thing Matt is most passionate about: Grammar --- SWOON!
The most important thing that Matt is looking for in a person is: self confidence
The most influential person in Matt's life has been: Ted Striker (if you only knew how sick I am of reading 'my grandfather bc he was in WWII,' 'my sister because she's always there for me,' and the ever-popular 'high-school basketball coach')


Maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself, but I threw caution to the wind and went right to message communication with this one (Subject line: what is your opinion on serial commas?). I'm giddy with excitement to hear back!

$ingle Lady #1: The Tipping Point & why Southern boys are just so nice

The tipping point - almost every situation has one. The one moment when the tables turn, the switch flips, and there's a greater amount of sand in the bottom of the hourglass than the top. What's the tipping point on eHarmony when it stops being acceptable to "break up" with someone via an "Other" Closed Message, and starts requiring an explanation? While I like to avoid a messy breakup talk as much as the next gal (I prefer a light-hearted, let's-make-this-a-joke-and-end-up-friends "chat" instead), eHarmony is allllll about the communicating, so I presume there is some kind of known etiquette about this.

Leave it to the Southern gentleman to really come through. Dustin (of the Dustin-Alan duo) sent me an email two weeks ago. I replied after what I considered a reasonable amount of time (ok, barely two days) and then, nothing. I did drop the I'm Not So Sure About This Internet Dating Thing paragraph and thought maybe I'd scared him off. Trust me, being docile and cute and letting guys chase me is NOT my strong point. Disappointed, but understanding, I'd almost written him off, then today, he replied. He apologized for not responding, told me he'd started dating someone else and didn't think it was right to be seeing multiple women at once AND even added "(I'm old fashioned; on top of your phobia of meeting guys from online)." HOW CUTE!? I'm planning to cordially wish him the best of luck in his fledgling relationship and move on. In the reasonable amount of two days, of course.

A+ for Dustin.

xo,
$L#1

$ingle lady #2: Why I let your call go to voicemail and respond via text

I am thinking that I should update my eH profile with the following category: "Life skills that I do not possess." It would include:

1. talking on the phone
2. composing flowery emails and greeting cards
3. feigning or displaying actual excitement when opening gifts

Numbers 1 and 2 I am able to do when needed, i.e. for my job, but in life I'd prefer not to. In fact, in my office, there is a high ranking woman who is notorious for writing "rude" emails because she tends not to say please or thank you, and you will never ever find an exclamation point. She often makes people cry and has been warned about her etiquette, but since she is damn good at her job no one really cares. This woman is my hero and I am perhaps the only person at my company who truly enjoys working with her. I love her subject-line-only emails that get right to the point, and I know that if she says I've done a good job, she means it.

I think that my email style might conflict with my budding relationship with Andre, as he likes to compose 4-paragraph-long emails to me about his life, with closings like "Hope to hear from you soon!" etc. And I respond with rapid fire answers to his questions, a few for him to answer, and no signature at all. Sorry Andre, this is just how I roll.

I was reminded of number 3 on the list this weekend when giving my little sister her 16th birthday present; she opened it and promptly ooh'ed and aah'ed in an extremely high pitch. I have received several gifts that I loved from past boyfriends, but they were sure I hated it due to my lack of shrieking upon unwrapping. I just can't do it.

So, maybe it would help my matches to know all of this up front.

<3 SL#2