$ingle Lady #1: Back on the Market

Following in $L#6's footsteps, IMF and I decided to separate last week. Details of the breakup are locked in $ealed record$, but we're releasing a joint statement through our reps that the split was amicable, but that we will not remain friends. Circumstances are external...involving a cross-country move, which is too bad since I really do think we liked each other.

Back in the game, loyal readers, just in time for the fun and flirty $ummer months! Unfortunately, eHarmz subscription ran out during my dating pha$e, so I'll have to turn to more traditional forms of lurking for men.

With my quarter-century looming in about a month, bring on savethedating?

xo,
$L#1

$ingle Lady $nooze

I took a page from the $ingle lady #2 and employed the fun and sassy question of "tell me about a word or phrase that you have made up and tell me the meaning of it."

Kyle had some potential and I have been engaging in the slow process of moving through the stages of communication, as I am trying to make the most of the last few weeks of this mostly disappointing membership. Also trying to up my ROI. Tonight I checked in on my account was excited to read the responses to my, what I thought, very important questions.

However, I was NOT impressed, bored, and frankly angry with Kyle's responses. It seemed like he was irritated that I was even inquiring. I mean answering endless rounds of questions can get annoying on eHarmz, don't get me wrong. But you are PAYING MONEY for this membership. Put some effort into it or else you won't get anything out of it.

I may be reading into things too much, but see below at Kyle's $nooze-worthy answers to my questions:

Tell me about a phrase/saying/word that you have made up and tell me the meaning of it. I really do not have any phrase or saying that I have made up. I don't think that I even have a phrase I am overly fond of using. Sorry about this one, but I just do not have an answer.

Looking back on your life, of what are you most proud? Probably getting my master's degree. I did not understand when I started it how much work I would put into it.

Why did you join eHarmony? Basically, to meet more people than I was in my daily life.

He is a ROBOT. I think I will wait the obligatory 2 days to close this one. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

xox,
$L4

$ingle Lady #6: Checking in

I have a date on Monday with C, 25, paralegal. So far he's been incredibly inquisitive and nice, and I look forward to meeting him. I feel like such a pro, I'm barely even nervous anymore. I gots nothin' to lose! I am still waiting for S, 25, engineer to finally ask me out, but we've so far just been exchanging novel-like e-mails with lots of personal get-to-know you info. It's time for him to ask me out before my gmail server maxes out.

Here's hoping I follow through on my promise to kick my date's butt at $kee ball,
$L6

$ingle Lady #4 and the Art of the Text Message

I've come to the realization recently how much effort goes into a text message. You only get 160 characters to express what you are or are not trying to say. You want to make the message concise, not too lengthy, keeping the TMI to a minimum, but also keeping mysterious just enough to ensure a reciprocal text.

Case in point, my friend C (who reads this blog, hi!) whom I made a love connection for some time ago now. Well her and her male friend have continued to stay in touch, however they engage in the ever-so-fun Friday/Saturday night text message routine of "are you going out tonight?" Which everyone knows is code for "what bar are you going to be at so I can conveniently be there when the bar closes in the hopes we may go home together."

Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to have a consistent male companion in my life right now. However, I have learned first hand that this text game is EXHAUSTING. Since the said male companion, we will call him Bill, was a friend of mine from college, she will consult with me on the protocol on the Friday/Saturday night text. Should I send him a text? Should I go out to the bar he is at? What should I say next?

Here is the guide to texting (to lead to potential sexting) according to $L#4:

Rule 1 - As girls, we cannot seem TOO eager to jump in the next cab you hail from the street and show up at the bar he is at. As such, appear aloof in your text message and undecided about plans. That way this keeps him guessing as to if you are going to show up and secure the cab ride/walk home bar close routine.

Rule 2 - We are allowed to initiate the weekend text first, however if the girl consistently initiates the text, then there is something else going on. The male then becomes dependent and just assumes that he can get in your pants whenever he decides to send that SMS your way. Take turns on the initiating and if he continues to initiate after you do, then you've really got yourself a potential male friend in the works.

Rule 3 - Drunk texting happens. Let's just be serious with this one.

Rule 4 - Be spontaneous and invite him to the bar YOU are going to. If he shows up with friends, he gets some points. If he shows up alone, MAJOR points. Unless he has ulterior motives and is on a one-man mission for a booty call. and finally....

Rule 5 - DON'T OVERTHINK. No matter how many times your friends proofread your text for the right 'connotations,' chances are the guy will not read into it too much. He will probably just read it and be like "yes! she is coming to the bar to meet up" or he will read your aloof text and become even more intrigued to know where you are hanging out that night.