I am finding that I am turned off easily and for a myriad of reasons. Every comma, semicolon (if only someone WOULD use a semicolon correctly, I'd be instantly in love), or emoticon (barf) means something so much more. Here's a peak into my decision-making process:
Paul: Likes woodworking...no need to explain this one.
Jeffrey: 5 foot 6...and can't live without the US constitution...seriously?
Eric: Steelers fan...and the ever-popular "If you want to know something, just ask." I'll keep that in mind.
John: Afraid of the dark, uses :) and LOL. Peace. Out.
Trevor: Nothing too egregious, but likes fly fishing. I don't think I'd look great in those pants.
Peter: Basically admitted that his friends use him for concert tickets since he works at Nissan Pavillion...since I've already seen Kelly Clarkson there, I can't think of a reason I'd need to go back.
Michael #1: Likes! To! Use! Exclamations! And another fly fisherman? Have I missed something?
Doug: Will bake his friends cookies if they are upset. I'm concerned he might be on the wrong type of dating site.
David: Re-reading his profile, I'm not sure why I didn't like this guy. But I'm sure there was a reason.
Dan: Looks normal overall, but from Philadelphia. I'm just too nervous about the potential accent (coming from someone from NJ, perhaps I'm being too hard on him).
Daniel: * ~ * :) ...and has diabeetus.
Jimmy: I'm told by my friends E and A that I can't like this one simply because of his name. It's true that we've been using the term "Jim" for the past 5 years as an adjective to describe anything lame, ugly, ghetto or generally terrible, following an incident with a boy named "Jimmy" in Wal-mart.
Now for a few positives:
Steve: Sports sports sports. Yes please.
Michael #2: The first to really catch my attention, being funny rather than just claiming to be sarcastic. Interests: "THE Ohio State Buckeyes." My friend E and I like to say we are "pretty big" Ohio State fans, although I'm pretty sure this started as a joke. Then this statement: "I think the most important quality that I am looking for in a partner is that they be awesome." I couldn't agree more. And finally, he tells me, that I should know he is "adamantly against genocide" and that if I plan to systematically kill a large group of people, I should move on.
Matt: From Kentucky, and in this case I'm excited for the potential accent. Likes to ski. A risk-taker. His example? Declining optional rental car insurance. I may have giggled.
So there you have it! I'm sure that love is just around the corner.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
$ingle Lady #1: Nothing nurtures a baby love crocus like a multiple choice Cosmo quiz...
First, a nod to the title of this blog. Those of you who know me well know that I would never put a dollar sign into a word instead of an "s" (unless I'm sending a personal email with the word "sex" in it--not as in, "sexting" but in general conversation--to someone in a financial institution that screens emails for illicit content), nor would I end a phrase with a "z." If you haven't spent the last year living under a rock, you'll know that lady Beonce had one of the greatest music videos of all time, and is thus deserving of a blog named after her (apparently, multiple blogs, as the straight-forward, more verbally-pleasant "allthesingleladies" was already taken). Taylor Swift, if you're reading this....sorry.
Day 1...continued: Approximately 1 hour after my photo was accepted (as non-pornography. bummer.), I received back to back emails. One, from eHarmony saying, success! they've matched me with a nice fellow named Brian, 27, Westchester, United States, and they'd love for me to get to know him better. Presumably, a similar email went out to him, and presumably, he was also sitting on his couch, hungover, waiting around for eHarmony emails, since the second email I received, 6 entire minutes later, was "from" Brian. He had "reviewed my basic information and would like to begin the process of getting to know me better." Not only that, but he'd provided me with 5 multiple choice questions to break the ice. The questions ranged from a well-coded "are you a workaholic," by asking how busy-vs-available I'd like my match to be, to "are you a romantic," by asking me where I'd like to spend my first date (I selected a professional sporting event...something I haven't ever been able to swing on a date. Ever). Sent, immediately after which I had the opportunity to provide him with 5 multiple choice questions of my own. Blast, he's going to know that I'm a crazy stalker since within an hour of getting his questions, I've not only responded, but sent him a questionnaire of my own. Fortunately, I'm pretty sure his list of "top 5 things I can't live without" included "Blackberry," so he too knows the pain of immediately receiving an email and having to wait an agonizingly-appropriate amount of time, so as to not incite stalker-visions in the mind of the recipient.
This was off to a good start. 1 hour in, 1 match down. Sadly, 10 hours later and 1) no response from Brian, and 2) no additional matches. Panicked, and having flashbacks to that fateful August day when I was flat out rejected by the site (really?! 6 years later and there's only been an addition of 1 person that I'm compatible with!?), I decide to play God and force some matches of my own, much to the chagrin of eHarmony, which posted a paragraph on the benefits of their matching system, basically telling me to sit down and be patient already. However, dutifully, the site doesn't let me down, and 6 new bachelors pop up, to whom I promptly serve my 5 multiple choice "guided communication" questions.
48-hours to go until my free period ends and I have to decide if this is worth $120 and 90 days of my life...
xo,
$ingle Lady #1
Day 1...continued: Approximately 1 hour after my photo was accepted (as non-pornography. bummer.), I received back to back emails. One, from eHarmony saying, success! they've matched me with a nice fellow named Brian, 27, Westchester, United States, and they'd love for me to get to know him better. Presumably, a similar email went out to him, and presumably, he was also sitting on his couch, hungover, waiting around for eHarmony emails, since the second email I received, 6 entire minutes later, was "from" Brian. He had "reviewed my basic information and would like to begin the process of getting to know me better." Not only that, but he'd provided me with 5 multiple choice questions to break the ice. The questions ranged from a well-coded "are you a workaholic," by asking how busy-vs-available I'd like my match to be, to "are you a romantic," by asking me where I'd like to spend my first date (I selected a professional sporting event...something I haven't ever been able to swing on a date. Ever). Sent, immediately after which I had the opportunity to provide him with 5 multiple choice questions of my own. Blast, he's going to know that I'm a crazy stalker since within an hour of getting his questions, I've not only responded, but sent him a questionnaire of my own. Fortunately, I'm pretty sure his list of "top 5 things I can't live without" included "Blackberry," so he too knows the pain of immediately receiving an email and having to wait an agonizingly-appropriate amount of time, so as to not incite stalker-visions in the mind of the recipient.
This was off to a good start. 1 hour in, 1 match down. Sadly, 10 hours later and 1) no response from Brian, and 2) no additional matches. Panicked, and having flashbacks to that fateful August day when I was flat out rejected by the site (really?! 6 years later and there's only been an addition of 1 person that I'm compatible with!?), I decide to play God and force some matches of my own, much to the chagrin of eHarmony, which posted a paragraph on the benefits of their matching system, basically telling me to sit down and be patient already. However, dutifully, the site doesn't let me down, and 6 new bachelors pop up, to whom I promptly serve my 5 multiple choice "guided communication" questions.
48-hours to go until my free period ends and I have to decide if this is worth $120 and 90 days of my life...
xo,
$ingle Lady #1
Friday, January 1, 2010
$ingle lady #2
B convinced me to also sign up for the free weekend on eHarmony.com. And by convinced I mean she said "eHarmony is free until Sunday" and I immediately did not want to be left out, as someone embracing and cultivating my inner single lady status for the past 6 months. And blog about it? BONUS. I wasn't totally prepared to respond over and over that no, I wasn't kind, romantic or caring. My favorite movie is Terminator 2 and when I was asked to list what I was passionate about I literally typed in "The 3 F's: football, fashion and the pharmaceutical industry." If someone can love me for that, I'll offically be a believer in online dating.
As I got closer and closer to being 100% complete (a few hours later...), I got a bit nervous. Would I get murdered? Stalked? What would my parents think? I quickly gchatted my work spouse to get his opinion:
me: its free communication weekend on eharmony
i just made a profile
am i going to get murdered?
Michael: Murdered no
Ridiculed yes
His reaction was expected. But, I decided that online dating is no longer taboo since my pastor was talking last week about a couple he will be marrying who met online. If it's acceptable in church, how bad could it be...
As I got closer and closer to being 100% complete (a few hours later...), I got a bit nervous. Would I get murdered? Stalked? What would my parents think? I quickly gchatted my work spouse to get his opinion:
me: its free communication weekend on eharmony
i just made a profile
am i going to get murdered?
Michael: Murdered no
Ridiculed yes
His reaction was expected. But, I decided that online dating is no longer taboo since my pastor was talking last week about a couple he will be marrying who met online. If it's acceptable in church, how bad could it be...
AllThe$ingleLadiez. The beginning...
"Eharmony is free until Sunday." The only text message my friend A received all of New Year's Eve 2009. The kicker was it came from her engaged younger sister. The next morning- hungover, bleery-eyed, balancing delicately on a half blown-up air mattress-we decided to set up a profile. 45 minutes, 18 pages of questions, and a hundred giggles later, my questionnaire was officially coursing through the electronic matching system at eHarmony central. On a scale of "not at all" to "very likely" (with a well-placed "somewhat" in between), was I: likable? attractive? organized? and my personal favorite...stable? (Answer: a notch below "somewhat") How important did I consider my match's height? income? level of education? What are the qualifications of my ideal date? What do I do during my leisure time. Free-form essays (of 20 words or less), to be revealed to my potential matches about the top three things that "I'm thankful for."
To back up a bit, this isn't my first foray into internet dating, despite my aversion to the overall concept in general. One exceptionally poor summer interning (for free) at a magazine in New York, my roommate and I completed the time-sucking process "as a joke" one night over our typical dinner of a shared can of baked beans and Hostess cupcakes. While I lied a little (I believe I was under the youngest age available), overall I answered truthfully about my personality quirks. After the 45-minute survey was complete, I received a form-letter instructing me not to bother submitting my credit card information, as they didn't have a single match in their database for me. Dejected and confused (this was prior to the helpful Chemistry.com ads specifically targeting the apparently large population of eHarmony rejects), we invented a grossly fake Match.com profile. The profile still exists today, and a visit to my out-of-date AOL email account shows my profile has been viewed 866 times over the past 6 years, with no additional activity above-and-beyond the initial account setup. The college-aged photo of me in a fraternity social strappy black dress probably helps. The account name we assigned, btaylor4life, and my body description of "big boned and beautiful" probably did not.
But back to New Year's Day, 2010. Why would I dive back into this crazy digital world when I still have no warm and fuzzies towards the process? And furthermore, why would I blog about it? In the spirit of new beginnings, new experiences, and new laughs, why not?
The "free communication" weekend ends Sunday. Bring on a weekend of love...
To back up a bit, this isn't my first foray into internet dating, despite my aversion to the overall concept in general. One exceptionally poor summer interning (for free) at a magazine in New York, my roommate and I completed the time-sucking process "as a joke" one night over our typical dinner of a shared can of baked beans and Hostess cupcakes. While I lied a little (I believe I was under the youngest age available), overall I answered truthfully about my personality quirks. After the 45-minute survey was complete, I received a form-letter instructing me not to bother submitting my credit card information, as they didn't have a single match in their database for me. Dejected and confused (this was prior to the helpful Chemistry.com ads specifically targeting the apparently large population of eHarmony rejects), we invented a grossly fake Match.com profile. The profile still exists today, and a visit to my out-of-date AOL email account shows my profile has been viewed 866 times over the past 6 years, with no additional activity above-and-beyond the initial account setup. The college-aged photo of me in a fraternity social strappy black dress probably helps. The account name we assigned, btaylor4life, and my body description of "big boned and beautiful" probably did not.
But back to New Year's Day, 2010. Why would I dive back into this crazy digital world when I still have no warm and fuzzies towards the process? And furthermore, why would I blog about it? In the spirit of new beginnings, new experiences, and new laughs, why not?
The "free communication" weekend ends Sunday. Bring on a weekend of love...
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