$ingle lady #2 continued

So, I've been receiving some comments and I will agree that, yes, I should not have offered if I was going to be so weird and hate this boy forever for accepting to stay on my couch rather than man up and take the probably $35 cab ride home.

BUT, I have told this story to three different males on three distinct occasions, and they all told me the same thing: he knew what he was doing. I know, I know, we women don't want to believe when men tell us what other men are thinking. I don't either. But don't shoot the messenger. Here's one convo that luckily took place via gchat so I can show all of you (thanks to coworker CH who has become a loyal AT$L follower):

CH: Yeah, that guy had the game going full on
CH: As in, every step planned
me: you think?
CH: Oh yeah
me: what a creepshow
CH: Including the kiss
It was a test
vanilla = going home to sleep; anything more = going home WITH her
And I'll put $$ the "first eH date" is a crock
me: well I dont think he thought it was vanilla
CH: ha
CH: Well, there you go. Either way, it was a setup
Like in boxing...throwing the jab with your left so you can get them to move into a right hook

CH: You don't 1) live that far out and lose track of the metro, and 2) "forget" your favorite tie
me: well im glad im not crazy
CH: When you take off your tie, you put it with/in your coat...second nature
usually coat over a chair, tie over the coat
It's the order you take them off and just what almost always happens
me: right
CH: No, he's playing you. You've got this one right

$L6: Marathon date

I had a lot of fun last night. Good conversation, good person, good connection, good repartee, great time. Even though I pulled some typically awkward $L6 moments, like...almost getting hit by a car, he seemed to have fun too, and I had an email waiting for me at 9 a.m. this morning.

Good job, eH. Good job.

Feeling $unny,
$L6

Also a hilarious video.

$ingle Lady #1: Role Rever$al

Usually, I'm the $hady one. Weird stuff happens to me, not just in dating, but in life in general. I always survive, and it's usually funny, so it's NBD (if you're 14 you know what that means, for the rest of us...no big deal). But while $L#2 appears to have gone off the deep end (seriously?!?! you brought a stranger home?! I'm not even a Mom reading this and I was horrified...), I'm shifting quickly into the world of being a Grown Up. Lawyerboy has officially transitioned into being my Internet Man Friend (my "imf" - there, if that's not changing names to protect the innocent, I don't know what is) by the following criteria:

• I invited him to Easter brunch at my friend's apt, which will be all couples (eek!)
• In reciprocation, he invited me to his rooftop Friday night to grill/hang out with his friends
• I got called out by a coworker for going $peed Dating tonight since I "have a boyfriend"

Bah. Fortunately, my Mom knows me better:

Mom: i'm assuming you don't want him to come to dinner with [uncle] and me
Me: no absolutely not
Me: you wouldnt even know about him if i didnt write a blog

In an unrelated note, I finally completed the post-it I've had on my desk since Jan 5, telling me to "cancel eH" since there's some sort of automatic renewal clause. I found out it's harder to cancel than a credit card...particularly if you check "Single and still looking" as your current $tatus. "But wait!" they implore, "You haven't yet found true love!" They throw quote after quote at you from far reaching members of eHarmz who took over a year, but are sure glad they stuck around to find their soulmate. They convinced me to wait until April 5 when my membership really runs out just in case these next 7 days turn my $ingle $tatus upside down. Now an even bigger, and more imploring post-it decorates my desk "Apr 5, CANCEL eH." Double. Underlined.

xo,
$L#1

$ingle lady #2's shady ass dating story

"The point of blogs is to make other people feel more normal. Every girl has a shady ass dating story." -$L#2's BFF

With that advice, I begin the tale of last night's date.

I walk into our meeting place at approximately 8:07pm. The hostess/bartender seems to know that I am meeting someone and is like "I think this is his beer. I'll show you where he is." So perhaps he prepped her for my arrival. He is sitting at a table and looks different than his pictures, and has a slight beard situation (no problem here, I enjoy beards). Maybe a 7 on the SPS (I've been told by a coworker that "slampiece" is only supposed to refer to sex, according to Urban Dictionary, but let's be clear that I'm only using it to describe level of attractiveness).

So recently I've started to like and appreciate delicious beers. This bar had them. But the problem with these new delicious beers is they are like 8, 9, 10% alcohol, not your average Bud Light. And maybe I should start eating dinner pre-dates, because bits of a cheese platter does not always equal a meal. We chat, laugh, he wants to know about my other eH dates since this is his first. I give him the 411. I am having fun. Then I notice that it is midnight. He notices that it is midnight. The metro in DC stops running at midnight. This isn't a big problem for me because I'm only about 2 miles from home. BUT he lives far, far, far, far away (McLean, woof). He parks his car at a metro stop far, far, far away (West Falls Church, woof). I'm sort of drunk and I say to be nice that I have a pullout couch, expecting him obviously to decline the offer. But he doesn't.

So we get a cab home, I set him up on the couch and proceed to lock myself in my room after sending RoomieJ a warning text of what is going on. I do not know what is wrong with me and the more I think about this situation the more I dislike it and I'm sorry to the moms reading the blog for being an unsafe idiot who lets strangers into my home. I mean, I know he just moved back here from NYC but you must know that the metro doesn't run 24 hours a day. He says that he will leave early so my roommate will not be startled.

Oh also I forgot that while walking to get a cab he kissed me. It was vanilla.

So this morning I wake up early and have a killer headache and listen, listen, listen for him to leave. He does and then I get up. I get ready for work. I'm about to walk out the door when I see it. His tie (Brooks Brothers). COME ON. What are you some sort of girl starring in "How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days"???

On the metro to work I get an email from him (8:30am):

"Further perpetuating what must seem to you like a massive, sociopathic scam, I forgot my tie. I'll need that back. It's a favorite.

You have to give me some credit though. Last night/this morning could have gone much worse. You could have woken up this morning with me standing in a corner of your bedroom, wearing one of your dresses with your goldfish in hand. +25 restraint points for me.

Online dating is the best. Have a great day."

It was a hilarious email and I laughed. But, all is not forgiven (the fact that he even thought that up makes me slightly nervous). The tie was a sacrifice and he will never see it or me again.

$ingle lady #2: another day, another date

Now that I have finally made it back to DC, I have a date tonight with CCC (cookie crisp classmate). I am wearing a dress from Banana Republic and some patent leather shoes to wick away the rain. We are going somewhere that looks to have a fabulous beer selection, so I approve of his choice.

I feel like quite a veteran blind-dater these days, as $ingle ladiez 5 and 6 have asked me for advice. The most pressing question? "Do I shake his hand?" I realized that I never really thought about what I do when we meet - I know that CC gave me a big hug, and for some reason it worked. But the others involved no handshake, hug or touching of any kind (my preference, as someone adverse to hugging).

I've also discovered that I'm bad at multi-tasking with these guys. There was another, who I thought I liked and was talking to before CCC came along. But as soon as he did, I couldn't be bothered to answer anyone else. I had two messages this weekend saying "Hope I didn't scare you off :o)" (god that emoticon...) and "Hey how was your race?" from another who I realized I left hanging. I think I'm ready for my membership to end. But I still want to blog!

$L#2

$L#6 has a date tomorrow

Yay! Let's just all focus on the title of that post, and thank our stars that my first date is getting in jussssst under the Easter deadline wire. I'll have the full $L recap on Wednesday, but for now I'm thinking about how I wish I had used whitestrips and that I wish I had a new wardrobe and that I wish it weren't supposed to rain tomorrow and that I'm really, REALLY nervous.

Wish me luck!
$L#6