First, a nod to the title of this blog. Those of you who know me well know that I would never put a dollar sign into a word instead of an "s" (unless I'm sending a personal email with the word "sex" in it--not as in, "sexting" but in general conversation--to someone in a financial institution that screens emails for illicit content), nor would I end a phrase with a "z." If you haven't spent the last year living under a rock, you'll know that lady Beonce had one of the greatest music videos of all time, and is thus deserving of a blog named after her (apparently, multiple blogs, as the straight-forward, more verbally-pleasant "allthesingleladies" was already taken). Taylor Swift, if you're reading this....sorry.
Day 1...continued: Approximately 1 hour after my photo was accepted (as non-pornography. bummer.), I received back to back emails. One, from eHarmony saying, success! they've matched me with a nice fellow named Brian, 27, Westchester, United States, and they'd love for me to get to know him better. Presumably, a similar email went out to him, and presumably, he was also sitting on his couch, hungover, waiting around for eHarmony emails, since the second email I received, 6 entire minutes later, was "from" Brian. He had "reviewed my basic information and would like to begin the process of getting to know me better." Not only that, but he'd provided me with 5 multiple choice questions to break the ice. The questions ranged from a well-coded "are you a workaholic," by asking how busy-vs-available I'd like my match to be, to "are you a romantic," by asking me where I'd like to spend my first date (I selected a professional sporting event...something I haven't ever been able to swing on a date. Ever). Sent, immediately after which I had the opportunity to provide him with 5 multiple choice questions of my own. Blast, he's going to know that I'm a crazy stalker since within an hour of getting his questions, I've not only responded, but sent him a questionnaire of my own. Fortunately, I'm pretty sure his list of "top 5 things I can't live without" included "Blackberry," so he too knows the pain of immediately receiving an email and having to wait an agonizingly-appropriate amount of time, so as to not incite stalker-visions in the mind of the recipient.
This was off to a good start. 1 hour in, 1 match down. Sadly, 10 hours later and 1) no response from Brian, and 2) no additional matches. Panicked, and having flashbacks to that fateful August day when I was flat out rejected by the site (really?! 6 years later and there's only been an addition of 1 person that I'm compatible with!?), I decide to play God and force some matches of my own, much to the chagrin of eHarmony, which posted a paragraph on the benefits of their matching system, basically telling me to sit down and be patient already. However, dutifully, the site doesn't let me down, and 6 new bachelors pop up, to whom I promptly serve my 5 multiple choice "guided communication" questions.
48-hours to go until my free period ends and I have to decide if this is worth $120 and 90 days of my life...
xo,
$ingle Lady #1
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please subscribe, continue this, and add some fun banter to our forthcoming mimosa brunches. k thanks.
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