$ingle lady #2: College is over, grow up

GUYS ARE FREAKS.

Guys who went to little private colleges, swarming with good-looking people ready to make out the drop of a hat, have much to learn. My college was like this as well, and everyone used to joke that no one dated there. People would drunkenly get together at parties, and somehow this morphed into hanging out sober, and eventually you were in a Facebook relationship. But there were never, ever, dates, unless you counted traveling hungover to the dining hall together.

A few months ago I met a boy from a college like this on whom I had a tiny crush. I discovered pretty quickly that we were destined to be only friends, as he had just broken up with someone of 6 years from college who I can only assume became girlfriend status through the method described above. He didn't want a girlfriend, and that was fine with me - friends we would be. We text occasionally, email here and there, see each other at parties, and that's it.

Last night circa 1am he says to me via text:

Him:What are you doing tomorrow night? I have tickets to a Kennedy center event if you want to go. This is not a date. Just friends.
Him: If you act weird invite is revoked.
Me: (awaking from slumber, not realizing the rudeness of said text) what time?
Him: Seven. NO WEIRDNESS.

Dude, WTF are you talking about? You are a freak, and the only person acting weird. I do not bother you, or try to date you. You are not that awesome. You know that I go on actual dates with other people (which he likes to ask me about). YOU invited ME. Get over yourself. One day you might have to actually take a girl on a date, and I promise you will not burst into flames. WOOF.

I informed him that despite his super-nice invitation, I'd have to pass.