"The point of blogs is to make other people feel more normal. Every girl has a shady ass dating story." -$L#2's BFF
With that advice, I begin the tale of last night's date.
I walk into our meeting place at approximately 8:07pm. The hostess/bartender seems to know that I am meeting someone and is like "I think this is his beer. I'll show you where he is." So perhaps he prepped her for my arrival. He is sitting at a table and looks different than his pictures, and has a slight beard situation (no problem here, I enjoy beards). Maybe a 7 on the SPS (I've been told by a coworker that "slampiece" is only supposed to refer to sex, according to Urban Dictionary, but let's be clear that I'm only using it to describe level of attractiveness).
So recently I've started to like and appreciate delicious beers. This bar had them. But the problem with these new delicious beers is they are like 8, 9, 10% alcohol, not your average Bud Light. And maybe I should start eating dinner pre-dates, because bits of a cheese platter does not always equal a meal. We chat, laugh, he wants to know about my other eH dates since this is his first. I give him the 411. I am having fun. Then I notice that it is midnight. He notices that it is midnight. The metro in DC stops running at midnight. This isn't a big problem for me because I'm only about 2 miles from home. BUT he lives far, far, far, far away (McLean, woof). He parks his car at a metro stop far, far, far away (West Falls Church, woof). I'm sort of drunk and I say to be nice that I have a pullout couch, expecting him obviously to decline the offer. But he doesn't.
So we get a cab home, I set him up on the couch and proceed to lock myself in my room after sending RoomieJ a warning text of what is going on. I do not know what is wrong with me and the more I think about this situation the more I dislike it and I'm sorry to the moms reading the blog for being an unsafe idiot who lets strangers into my home. I mean, I know he just moved back here from NYC but you must know that the metro doesn't run 24 hours a day. He says that he will leave early so my roommate will not be startled.
Oh also I forgot that while walking to get a cab he kissed me. It was vanilla.
So this morning I wake up early and have a killer headache and listen, listen, listen for him to leave. He does and then I get up. I get ready for work. I'm about to walk out the door when I see it. His tie (Brooks Brothers). COME ON. What are you some sort of girl starring in "How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days"???
On the metro to work I get an email from him (8:30am):
"Further perpetuating what must seem to you like a massive, sociopathic scam, I forgot my tie. I'll need that back. It's a favorite.
You have to give me some credit though. Last night/this morning could have gone much worse. You could have woken up this morning with me standing in a corner of your bedroom, wearing one of your dresses with your goldfish in hand. +25 restraint points for me.
Online dating is the best. Have a great day."
It was a hilarious email and I laughed. But, all is not forgiven (the fact that he even thought that up makes me slightly nervous). The tie was a sacrifice and he will never see it or me again.
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$L#2 you are hysterical and amazing. i beg of you to continue blogging even if you're not doing eharmz anymore.
ReplyDeleteWait. You have to give him back his tie. Those Brooks Brothers ties are 75 bucks! And sounds like the date went fine, other than the sleeping-on-your-couch part, which only happened because you'd been having such a good time, you lost track of the time. See him again, and return the tie!
ReplyDeleteAND this is why we have the blog.
ReplyDeleteYou know those hilarious, sometimes a little bit creepy but it's okay because they're a cute couple, stories people tell about how they got together? This is one of them. You must see him again.
ReplyDeleteMake him squirm a day or too and then write him back, saying that if he ever wants to see his beloved tie again he'll need to make up for the weird goldfish hypothetical. Too much good stuff went down on this date for things to end over a pullout couch offer gone slightly astray.
Though maybe get rid of that couch so you aren't tempted to do that again...
Hahaha.
ReplyDeletePriceless.
Yeah, wait, I'm with Katie. To be fair, YOU invited him to stay - learn this now or forever be held to it: Don't offer something unless you're willing to provide. Maybe he should have declined, but maybe you shouldn't have offered. I think he handled it gracefully and must have been mortified to realize he'd left his tie. And that he forgot the metro closes at midnight. As an NYC-er, I would definitely forget that. Anyway, I see no reason for this to be a dealbreaker. At the least, you HAVE to return the tie.
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