$ingle Lady #1: Share. Flush. Take Turns.

All I really need to know in life I learned in Kindergarten. Everyone has heard/seen this somewhere before. A quick Google search brings me the list. Share everything (CDC revision: “except the H1N1 virus”). Don’t hit people. Say sorry. Flush. Check. Check (except for the occasional, totally justified bar fight). Check. Check. One thing I was surprised wasn’t on there was Take turns. Teaching me this skill, I’m pretty sure, is the reason my mom birthed my baby sister.

But what is the protocol on eHarmony? They are very clear about turn taking for the opening rounds. Your questions, your answers, his questions, his answers, your questions, his questions. No cheating. No skipping ahead (unless you’re eager beaver Wesley). Then you get to Open Communication and they stop patrolling. The icon on my list is never-ending on “Send _____ an eHarmony Email!” With so many guys in my current rotation, it is impossible to keep track. Also, as a huge fan of The Guy Makes the First Move, if it’s my turn after our final essay question back-and-forth, is it up to me to reach out? Alan apparently thinks so, as does Bill.
I’m on the fence, mostly because of the dreaded Holiday Timeline (a fear of mine recently confirmed via Facebook status update by friend D). For those unfamiliar, it’s the period of time roughly spanning Halloween to St. Patrick’s Day of the Grey Dating Area. If one starts dating another during that time period, there are a lot of relationship questions that need to be answered way ahead of schedule. Do we need to spend Halloween together (arguably one of the drunkest [read: bad decision-making] nights of the year)? Do I need to tell my entire extended family about him at Thanksgiving dinner? Do I get her a Hanukah/Christmas/Kwanzaa present? Do I spend New Year’s Eve with him? Assuming I made plans a decade in advance like one needs to and they don’t include him, is it ok if I kiss someone else at midnight? How do we handle celebrating MLK day? And worst of all, dreaded V-day. The Grey period ends with St. Patrick’s Day (the second arguably drunkest day of the year). It begins in New York an entire week prior with a mass exodus to Hoboken, where you’re probably going to vomit green beer on his leprechaun outfit while attending a “house” party thrown by someone you’ve never met before. If you can survive all of this, you’re in it for the long haul. Phew, no thank you.

And so I make my first Rule of EHarmony Dating: do not attend more than 1 date prior to Valentine’s Day with each potential match. That way, the grey area is really more of a dirty cream, and no Talks have to happen prematurely.

Dater update: Chris, 30, New York, United States has pulled ahead and we’re now emailing. He begins with a taunt about how the Giants stole our defensive coordinator, and a note that he is 100% Italian, and thus would have Robert DeNiro play him in a movie. He’s admitted to having zero knowledge of pop culture, which I more than make up for in our Better Halves. I expect multiple emails prior to a date ask, but age seems to have a direct correlation to time-spent-between-communications, so maybe we’ll flash forward by the weekend.

xo,
$L#1