Hm, pretty sure $ingle Lady #3 sounds like a raging bitch. Oh well

Real men read real books.
In the spirit of change I have pledged to date a man in the year 2010, fortunately I have all of twelve months to make this happen. Mind you, I did not spend the past four years dating a woman, far from it I assure you, but as my friend K and I have spent numerous hours discussing as of late….not all men are MEN. Indeed, K maintains that her definition of a man is someone who lets you wear the pants outside of the bedroom but takes care of business when the door is shut. She is concise – I am not – and my definition, on the other hand, is a work in progress. The experiences of the past weekend, a little free communication on my new e-harmony account…..a little shopping, have given me a few solid examples of what real men are not:
1.A man will never, ever, EVER say that his favorite book is the Da Vinci Code. I have read the Da Vinci Code, I also saw the movie, but given the countless possibilities of literary splendor out there, I question your choice, and thus I question your originality and your personality. Communication Status: Closed. Reason: Other. 2.Real Men do not say things like “Life’s a garden. Dig it!” Enough said. 3.You, as a member of the male species, do not belong in Victoria’s Secret. Your presence, as you hold your wife’s panties and purse, makes me uncomfortable – more so, because you are eyeing my pile of lacy intimates. You are the reason they place benches oh so conveniently outside the entrance to the store. 4.A name says a lot. Lloyd? Oleg? Junathun? I cannot even bring myself to view your dating profiles. 5.I am assuming that if you are looking to seriously date a woman you are a grown-up. Men drink coffee, not Mountain Dew, I’m sorry….are you 10? 6.You are most passionate about government and institutional corruption…..scary. 7.You are under the age of thirty and taking salsa lessons? Alone? I endorse the pursuit of any myriad of hobbies, but salsa dancing does not make this girl’s lava bubble.
Perhaps I am being close-minded (or harsh) as I rejoin the rat race, but if an atrocious breakup teaches you anything it teaches you you’re better off alone than with someone who isn’t what you want. So, my man, if you exist, it is my belief that not only do you own suspenders, but you look very good when you wear them. Likewise, you drink coffee and wine, as well as the obligatory beer and bourbon. You can love football, hockey, WWF….I don’t really care, as long as your culinary knowledge extends beyond that of the frozen pizza. Like I said, a work in progress, but who could fail to see that some definite progress was made this weekend……